Operation Gay Conversion : Walk & Talk
As promised I am reporting on the progress of Tommy’s gay conversion. It’s all going according to my plan. In the 3rd week we have been working on his very gay accent. It’s hard to describe, please he does not want me to record him (I guess he just hates how he talks, too). It’s sound British to me. Very nasal, very wannabe feminine. It’s terribly uncool and with this kind of language he disqualifies himself to be part of a healthy society. Back to the conversion: Step three has been the most difficult yet. I tried to teach him as good as I could:
Rule1: Use a lower voice (his voice was whiny and tiny).
Rule2: Do not start every sentence with the word: “Actually”.
Rule3: Do not call another guy “Honey” or “You big stud”.
Rule4: Do not talk about clothes and sex in public.
It’s about time somebody taught that boy how to talk: I went to church with him and after the service the pastor said goodbye to his congregation, like always, and when Tommy and I said goodbye, the pastor asked Tommy: “Are you religious my child?” and Tommy said in his thickest most disgusting gay accent: “Oh yes, I LOVE JESUS!”. The way he said it was just shameful and sounded more like he would like to have gay sex with our Lord and savior. My God if he has to talk gay, can’t he talk at least quietly? At least ten heads turned in our direction. It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life! I apologized and gave him a good smack against the head. Well this will all end soon. We keep practicing. Tommy is a promising boy.
You might think that teach a gay not to walk gay is especially difficult but the truth is that Tommy made it easy for me. The problem that still persists is that he let’s his hands dangle when we walks. It looks a little like the walk of Peggy Bundy of the TV series “Married with Children”. For now to prevent further embarrassment I taped his wrists to a wooden skewer so his arms and hands show a straight line. And straight is what we want, right?
Picture: ClowingAround.com
Proudly American : Role model for all American males : If you walk and talk like John Wayne, you are a real man
When it comes to talking and walking you have to learn from the masters, therefore I forbade him to watch anything else than John Wayne western movies.
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john wayne wasn’t gay?? His first name was marion!!
I realise that john wayne is an american icon, but he is as camp as a row of pink tents!!
Who is John Wayne?
Wow … I pity that gay guy … I’d rather be gay than act like John Wayne. :p
I can’t believe that guy actually agreed to let Shelley “convert” him … I mean all she’s pretty much doing in the post is making him look stupid.
“and Tommy said in his thickest most disgusting gay accent: “Oh yes, I LOVE JESUS!”. The way he said it was just shameful and sounded more like he would like to have gay sex with our Lord and savior.”
What is wrong with you people ? How can you call yourselves Christians ? You are the reason America’s hated.
@canadian:
You are right. That’s one of the reasons, why the most Europeans, like me, laugh about America and its citizents.
@Shelley:
What’s so diffcult on accepting people like they are. You call yourself a Christian, so you believe in God, is that right?
So you think that God created the humans. One can say that God created the men as much as the women, the lesbians as much as the homosexuals.
And who are you to critisize God’s will!
Maybe you should immediately go to the church and confess your sins. But I’m not sure if God forgive you for critizising his heavenly bodies.
Hi Shelley
I can give you a tip: check Tommy’s anus every day. Part of gays’ effeminate walk is that they continuously shove objects up their rectum, which they keep there throughout the day. This could be anything, from cucumbers to coke bottles and, God forbid, dildo’s!
John Wayne was a draft dodger, wasn’t he? That’s another thing he has in common with GWB. All the criticism of Bill Clinton may be justified, but at least we had the guarantee that he is a heterosexual. Had BC been a Republican, he would have been the best President this country has ever seen. As things stand now, we’ll have to wait for someone of the calibre of a Margaret Thatcher to come along.
i begin to doubt that tommy guy exists, i mean the emails posted here about being redirected to this website from an adult site are obviously fake, so why not this tommy dude?
and yeah shelly, you are the hemmeroid on society’s anal sphinctor.
i begin to doubt that tommy guy exists, i mean the emails posted here about being redirected to this website from an adult site are obviously fake, so why not this tommy dude?
Sir, miracles happen. If only you would let Christ into your heart you would see that the Lord continues to work wonders around us. The point that Shelley was trying to make was that a miracle did occur. This unsaved person was looking for an immoral site, and somehow she found her way to our sanctuary. They only reason you have to doubt her testimony is your own cynicism.
Tristan
The reason we’re doubting her testimony, is the way she seems to be treating the guy. It seems like on the last week she’ll just shoot him …
Gaygermanlinuxuser: Even if Tommy didn’t exist, Shelley’s efforst are a metaphor that could help existing homos. Like me for example. I used to enjoy getting sodomised whilst shouting out “Make me feel like a woman!”, but these days I only use my colon to pass stool, and I draw inspitation and courage from the likes of Shelley. I think I might have been gay because of failing social skills, which impeded me from being a real man, but now I have the courage to make women mine, as I do not feel isolated any more. I know I am ill, but I will fight this illness!
Shelley, I always think you are the worst stupid girl in USA. You don’t accept who isn’t like you want, who doesn’t think and trust in what you trust. You can’t understand what Jesus said and you can’t understan people. You are egoist. If I try to convert you to another religion, if I try to reset yourself and set you as I like, what will you do? I think my life style is correct and it will get me to heaven, this is reasonable for me, but you, what will you say? You should say I am crazy. And this is reasonable. Poor boy, maybe he should make you happy and does what do you want…o he loves your husband! Don’t be so egoist, love God’s creatures as they are, not like you want they shoul be! Valentine
please stop this blog, i belive it’s going out of control! it does not help anyone at all. it’s not even a joke anymore…
just stop it, or i will have to be looking forward to make it stop.
Lets look at it this way, if you truly followed the Bible to its fullest extent, 1) that guy would be stoned, 2) you would be stoned for entering the church, 3) you would not be allowed the right to speak. So from my Opinion, God must be Very pissed, id Pray for your sins and let the men take over the website ;)
Gay conversion week?
Wow,
you people give whole new meaning to stupidity (maybe you’ve seen the documentary?).
You’re serious aren’t you?
What is the obsession over sexuality?
You know dogs will hump whatever they can when they’re in heat?
Better start you dear pet on the conversion trail too or it’s straight to Hell for spot.
*shakes her head*
You’re wasting your time.
Find a hobby. I hear basket weaving is nice.
Gays just love to dress up as John Wayne yo know. He is such a manly man, we got the whole costume from the local sex shop. Just love him, wish he were here to join my bf and me.
What does it matter who you have sex with? Why can’t you leave this kid alone to find out who he is HIMSELF? Your so-called “all-loving God” apparently sends people to hell for being gay FROM BIRTH. Does this sound very all-loving to you? Stop being a bigot and start being a human.
Who’s this gay on the last photo?
Hey Shelley, with “women” like Anne Coulter and Condolezza Rice, no wonder men turn to each other for sex. The worst thing the liberals did was allowing morons and women like the aforementioned a voice. They make Ronald Reagan look like a intellectual gymnast instead of the retard spaz he was.
Poor Tommy, he has a life of internt loving and rent boys ahead of him.
Well done you though.
Please Tommy, get away from this Shelley person. There is absolutily nothing wrong with being homosexual. Don’t listen to those Christians. You are what you are. There is a God anyhow, so you don’t need to be affraid that you’ll go to hell. What you need to do is pack you bags and leave the US asap. Come to Holland. You’ll see you are much more accepted here. I really mean this Tommy. You are allright, so stop acting like there something wrong with you and stop this conversion. Start enjoying life.
Really, this world would be a much better place if there wouldn’t be such a thing a religion. The person who invented religion ought to be shot.
Oi, DiMi May - there’s enough gays in Holland, they don’t need anymore. What are you , working for the Dutch tourist board? Tommy should use his exposure on this site to promote bumming in the US. Although I doubt Shelley allows him internet access - probably she’s got him chained in the basement watching “Silence of the Lambs” over and over again to show how characters like that actor who’s now in “Monk” end up in real life.
God love Americuh, who else could?
God is love. He forgives. But how sad must he be at your judgment, intolerance and hate.
So Tommy loves Jesus. So Tommy is gay. The two are not mutually exclusive, and although your bible preaches against homosexuality, it also preaches against intolerance and judgement, so sadly, you are in no position to denigrate as you do.
God loves you Shelley, now be worthy of that love!
I like tommy, he is pretty cooler than John Wayne. (And I bet he has more brain than John Wayne..)
Shelley, can you give me Tommy’s phone-number? I want to convert him too, from stupidity, to reality….
@ James Flunt. All I’m trying to say is that Holland is a much better place for Tommy ( for it is one of the least religious countries in the world. ). I really feel sorry for that Tommy person. Shelley is probably making his life a living hell.
I could’ve probably said another country, but since I live in Holland it was the first country that came to mind.
JOHN WAYNE WAS A NAZI!!!!!
Nice..nice post. Thank you!
This is serious?! At first I thought it was a joke…wow.