Linux Zealots: If at first you don’t succeed, cheat!
Friends,
I know a few of you have been clamoring to hear whats happening in the world of computers. Now that I’ve retired I’ve got plenty of time to follow the news and report back exactly whats going on in the world of IT, and it sure isnt pretty.
Not so long ago, when this site was new, Shelly and I published an article called “Linux, a European Threat to our Computers“. It seems that the Good Lord was guiding our hands, because shortly after we published a very famous and influential Texan Congressman from the House Appropriations Committee read our research and decided to act upon it. As a result, a number of Federal Linux pork-barrel projects were told to buy American or risk having their budgets cut. Lets just say, that this year a number of important faith-based projects recieved some unexpected bonuses.
Tom Delay is an enemy of government waste, and was keen to back our Anti-Linux campaign. He is just one of many influencial Republicans who are prepared to back American technology. Why should we entrust anything less to the faith-based groups which will one day provide America’s essential services?
I like to think that this wasn’t just a victory for ShellyTheRepublican.com, but a victory for Jesus, America and most of all a victory for you, the taxpayer. So before I plunge into today’s story Shlley, Sam and I all wanted to say a big thank-you for all your support, donations and prayers. We really couldn’t have done it without you, the loyal STR.com readers, and of course our corporate sponsors.
Now speaking of great American technology, many of you will have heard that Microsoft Vista is running late. The liberal IT press are pulling their usual wise-guy act of blaimg Microsoft, saying things like Microsoft cant write computer-programs any more or Microsoft got in too deep with their Vista project. The truth is that Vista has been ready for months: It’s the Europeans who’ve forced Microsoft to deliver late.
STR Fact File: Should I upgrade to Vista now? Yes, definitely. Vista includes an all-new sercurity system called TCP/IP which will no doubt stump foreign hackers for years. A client of mine had a Linux computer which had a virus called “Fur Elise” which caused the computer to play random melodies through it’s speaker. I told him that if he upgraded to Vista the virus would be gone. Unfortunately he failed to heed my advice, and days later the PC’s cheap foreign-made CPU had completely burned out.
Some people just dont know when they are beat. Don’t you remember that there used to be a “Desktop war”… well Microsoft won it by inventing a new sort of computer called Windows XP which totally beat out the European Linux. If you don’t believe me, read this review we did a few months back.
A “state of the art” German made computer, naturally running Linux. Notice it’s “Enter the Matrix” style user-interface, and oddly configured keyboard. Obsolete IT like this is one of the reasons why Europe is so backwards compared to the rest of the world. Europe has banned Windows Vista because it will pose a competitive threat to it’s own antiquated products.
There was also a “Browser War”, and microsoft won that too with there excellent Internet Explorer. It was stable and fast and worked with all the wonderful ActiveX plugins. Once again, Europeans tried to compete with their “Mozilla”, it was slow buggy and only worked on Linux, and wouldnt let you see pictures or use VBScript. To put it bluntly, it was a crock!
Mozilla Firefox, no wonder this browser lost the “war”. Even the newest version of Mozilla (pictured above) lacks standard WWW features such as ActiveX and Microsft Secure Certificates.
Well you probably didnt know that there was a third war - it’s the computer battle where both sides are playing for keeps, only one side is cheating!
The Europeans have figured that they cannot compete on the strength of their technology, so they’ve invented new laws so that they can cheat. The European Union (Like the UN, but stinks of French garlic), has made a law that says Microsoft must pay one-million Euros a day until they strip out all the features from Vista that Linux doesnt have.
For example, Linux does not have an anti-virus utility, a disk-defragmentor or a system repair tool. That’s why Europe will not allow Vista to have these essential tools either. They are even talking about forcing Microsoft to remove Windows Media Player, a truly essential program. Without this utility, the computer would only be able to make simple beeps, and couldnt play any movies. Basically, it would be no better than Linux!
I know it sounds bizarre, but you’ve got to understand the Marxist European mindset. They dont think it’s fair for anybody to be better than anybody else. In a European running-race everybody has to finish first, or else somebody (probably the French) go on strike. It’s just impossible to do business in Europe.
Can your European Linux do this? The new Windows Vista desktop: Linux computers are still burdened with a text-mode interface, wheras Windows Vista has the latest cutting-edge design.
Our original Linux article was all about how these crazy Linuxers are becoming a threat to the American economy, but look at the damage that the Euro-crat linux obsession is doing to their own folk: They have created an environment that is hostile to business, and no longer care that innovation is being stifled. They are denying themselves the spectacular productivity gains of Windows Vista, and they shall pay for their own Godless foolishness.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
(Technology & Business Correspondant)
Here shelley i would answer your challange to come up with a linux System ScreenShot Similar to Vista one:
This is a linux system called fedora and running KDE software as part of its graphical desktop
and here a address of another one
http://enlightenment.sourceforge.net/Enlightenment/Screenshots/DR17_User_Screenshots/_images/screenshot2.png
Tristan, you are such a moron. I am prof of IT…I will not even begin to pick holes in your stupid article, it is tissue of lies. Just to give you one tiny, tiny little clue…the internet currently runs on TCP/IP. It is a published, open standard. Do you know, when you publish things like this, you make yourself look so very ridiculous.
Tristan, until now I didn’t really have a God apart from Michael Moore of course. But now I have seen the light. Can you please send me your picture so I can put it up in a shrine in my yard, build on burnt european computer and auto parts.
I wil worship you until the end of time, and I promise to never listen to a Bob Dylan song ever again.
Hail Tristan.
Dr. B. still gay, but converted Liberal and European nevertheless!
Get your facts right, TCP/IP is not a security system, it is a protocol that the internet runs on. Software cannot cause CPUs to burn out, (unless they are designed by idiot republicans like you ha ha). How is Linux “burdened” with text interfaces, Linux had graphical inteface since when? 1996? ActiveX is proprietary Microsoft-only software, and is prone to virus attacks, so no browser other than IE uses it.
In short, continue your blind Microsoft worshiping, and one day STR.com will be hacked. Just warning ya.
Dear Tristan J. Shuddery,
I’m one of your Damm linux users from europe, and I’m only wanted to introduce you to the real linux software, it has not viruses, it can be run in any pc or laptop (I use one of your USA DELL…) and In it I can see films, play music, etc. just like in Windows.
And the old German conputer was funny, I’m actually in Bonn and they have really high tech machines not like you say.
Anyway I will continue reading your blog it is really interesting for me. I’m trying to understand you.
sorry about my english, I have to learn a bit more.
Thanks,
Miguel
Never argue with an idiot. They will only pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
I love your site. It must have the best content on the whole of the web! Keep it up.
Lots of respect - and God Bless America!
Mark
Manchester, UK
Mort de rire … This is hilareous … so many stupid stuff in one single article. I doubted it would be possible. You did it. Congratulations :-D
at first: Tristan you old l337-haxxor ;).
what does tcp/ip stand for ? towelheads-commies protection/intolerance protector ?
btw: if vista will use tcp/ip, what does linux/mac/ect use as protocol for net communication ?
Sch??ne Gr??Ǭ?sse an alle Deutschsprachigen str Fans. Wir sollten mal ein Fanforum Gr??Ǭ?nden.
greetings from the jku in austria. you guys made many students of computer science a day !
A full switchover to TCP/IP on the ARPANET took place January 1, 1983. [Check http://www.livinginternet.com/i/ii.htm (guess on what OS..) So almost three years before Microsoft even introduced their DOS-plugin, called Windows.
I told him that if he upgraded to Vista the virus would be gone. -> maybe, but you would get 1000 times more :)
Tristan, you as Technology & Business Correspondant should at least have opened your computer once. Read what is written on your Intel-CPU (I hope you won’t eventually discover that you have a wicked AMD one :P)
“Even the newest version of Mozilla (pictured above)(….)” the picture shows a netscape (kinda outdated..) for the newest version of Mozilla Firefox, goto http://www.mozilla.org
Ah jeah, and actually, the EU just said that it is illegal to FORCE windows-users to use IE and mediaplayer.. windows really works great without the two of them! Ever heard of freeware :) I propose firefox instead of ie and winamp instead of mediaplayer.. and I hear more than a beep :P
Today’s lesson in classical logic:
“If you don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t believe me, read this review we did a few months back.” is a petitio principii.
It is the same as: God does not exist, because I wrote that God does not exist..
you make yourself look so very ridiculous
-> the tristan way of life : allways try to be more ridiculous. In fact, it may be the str way of life …
TCP/IP as a new security feature … this one enters my top ten absurdity list !
ActiveX and microsoft certificate as www standards … quite funny too !
No defrag’ tool for linux, well they do exist, but for many techincal reasons tristan is probably not able to understand, file fragmentation is a far less important problem under linux than under windows.
Let’s just say linux filesystems smarter than ntfs …
Please do not post too much articles about linux or IT in general : I could get sick laughing about them :-D
You know, I used to work for Microsoft doing tech support to help people remove spyware/viruses/browser hijacks, and our trainers from Microsoft said that with the release of SP2, Winblows would no longer be susceptible to viruses and whatnot….they couldn’t have been more wrong. Sure, patches were included for the Sasser and Blaster worms and a few others, but the spyware got worse, as did the browser hijacks, and even more viruses became a threat. After spending 2 hours helping some poor user clean a bunch of adware and spyware off their machine, I actually told them to download Firefox and use that instead of IE. That stupid job made me go home and love my Mac and my laptop, which runs linux only, even more.
(BTW, linux doesn’t have antivirus software because linux isn’t really affected by viruses…..why is that a bad thing?)
Microsoft’s confidence that Vista will be more secure makes me laugh. And…I think what you’re referring to is the “Next Generation TCP/IP Stack”, but TCP/IP is definitely not something new. Is this what you were referring to?
http://www.microsoft.com/technet/community/columns/cableguy/cg0905.mspx
@STR
Nice editing of my reply. Especially the part where I told Christophe not to take this so seriously since this is comedy at its finest and even more so if the comedy was not intended.
Don’t understand why that part had to go……
OMG, so much stupidity in one article. Hell, I’m no tech genius at all, but even I find most of the errors in your text.
By the way: Just where the hell did you get the picture of the German computer? It’s probably more then 15 years old! My family is not exactly rich, but even we do have three PCs and a lap top in our house and I can tell you that they do NOT look like that at all. Stop comparing German products from the 80s to US American ones from the 21st century. It’s not fair.
God or Lucifer or whoever, bless those equipped with brains!
IMPEACH BUSH!
I think what you?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥re referring to is the ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Next Generation TCP/IP Stack?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?
Yes, you have proven my point. Even Wingnuts kow about this.
Linux and Free BSD also contain a primative ancestor of Microsoft’s modern TCP/IP Stack, however their implementations are more than a decade old - a simple minded attempt to catch up with WinSock. Linux’s answer to TCP/IP is so primative that it does not support modern protocols like NetBUI and NetBIOS. Because of Linux’s primitive obsolete networking it is incompatible with Windows File-Sharing. Your so-called TCP/IP stack does not sound so good now, does it?
Linux and FreeBSD have historically been easy picking for the hordes of foreign hackers who wish to attack our computing infrastructure. Mainly because their “open-source” code means any hacker who can download the non-protected source can work out how to hack it.
Microsoft have wisely taken the decision to re-build this aging technology. They rely on proven “security through obscurity”, literally hiding and encrypting the critical parts of the code so hackers have no chance to find flaws (even if they did exist). Windows Vista will be the most secure operating system ever built, and thats whats upsetting the Linuxers, who just cannot compete with their marxist open-source ideology.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan
Nice! A desktop thread! Here is my ugly text-based desktop from a Gentoo linux with KDE, of course running without the totally new security protocol TCP/IP (rofl)… http://tinyurl.com/nz7ql (brand new =)
But in one thing, and I thinks it’s absolutely the first time, I must agree with you. Firefox is pretty lame. It uses too much CPU time, trashes the memory and is nearly permanently crashing. But I have to use it sometimes because its better supported by many websites than my good old and brave Konqueror.
The browser on your screenshot looks like a Netscape Navigator and I don’t think that Intel CPU’s (i got one, but I#m too lazy to check it now) are assembled in the US ;)
So keep going, I’m amused.
Greetings
Clemens
PS: Ja, ein deutscher STR.com Fanclub w??Ǭßre schon was ^^
by the way did you read about the REPUBLICAN Mark Foley ??
Arg !! Republican are disgusting ! they will all go to hell !!
Oh, silly, silly Tristan. You know nothing of computers, don’t try to make it up. I think you don’t know what a protocol is? By the way, it is NetBeui…Netbios Extended User Interface. But I am only a frog Prof of IT at a prestigious uni, so what would I know. Generally, you do not use Netbeui, oh, why bother to explain, you are such a lunatic.
I could be pedantic and point out your use of English is nearly as poor as your understanding of IT. Give me a call, Sammy knows where I live, I see if I can fit you in one of my classes.
Instead of blindly supporting Windows and claiming that it’s safe by relying on “security through obscurity”, why don’t you use your initiative and try Googling for “security through obscurity” and see just how many articles there are that say it’s a bad idea?
Just for clarity, am I right in saying that all Europeans or Linux users are going to burn in hell? However, just remember what operating system your website used to run on before answering that one. We all makes mistakes, eh …
Ha ha. you have just proven my theory. Bible bashing republicans are a primitive life form, similar but not as advanced as an amoeba
I thought Bush was an amoeba…the one that causes dysentry.
Tristan
Congratulations on your article.
I just found the time to read it all. It’s amazing how you speak the truth. The Europeans are abusing their power to bring American companies down. In my mind they (the Euroland) are now also a likely target for invasion.
On the other hand, let them use their text mode linux, what do I care?
Stupid people on this planet! Very very sad!
S.G
Republican are disgusting , have sex with sixteen years old children …. Republican are insane !!!!!!
Shame on you !!!
Yes, Tristan, never mind that it was almost entirely fact-free…good boy Tristan, Shelley is pleased with you.
Well, there is certainly plenty of room in your mind, it is almost empty. What do you do, pop along and tell Boy George, hey, you have to invade Europe, they keep on making fun of me? Oh, you make us laugh so much.
Still, we crazy liberals have this mad theory that you only do this for spoof, so we forgive you.
are you people retarded? I’m british and it’s all true, we’ll have millions byt the time M$ takes out all the stuff linux doesn’t have, then we’ll attack your computers with a complex tic-tac-toe program, and the world. hahahahahahahhaahahhhaHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahhahHAHAhaHAHAHAHAhaHHAHA, need a breath, one sec…….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahhahahaaaaaa….
here’s a video of someone using linux:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1iet8MWJr8
see that? superior to windows in every way, and my penis is bigger than yours too.
may god have mercy on your misguided soul.
I love the idea of a fan-forum :) let’s run it on longhorn so we don’t have to fear a crash! :D
Whahahahahaha!!!!
No wonder we call you americans fatty retarded ignorant stupid fucks! Damn you! This is full of ridicule, lies and full of shit!
You guy’s are so funny, I just laughed my ass off!
Oh! Sorry, my language! I can’t say things like shit and fuck..
You stupid republican hypocrites, who dare to call them selfes “christians”…
“Modern protocols like NetBUI, and NetBIOS”, ROTFL!!!! You really did your home work Tristan!
Greetings from Amsterdam ( No! No! Not Danmark! No! That’s freakin Finland! No! That’s Norway! No! No! That’s Spain! Pfff! You stupid Americans don’t know fuck about the world! You live in your own, and stay there )…
Even through lunacy, one can learn something. Thank you!
I found after soing some research on your facts a little tech help tip for you from Microsoft.
Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music
View products that this article applies to.
Article ID : 261186
Last Review : December 20, 2004
Revision : 3.1
This article was previously published under Q261186
SUMMARY
During normal operation or in Safe mode, your computer may play “Fur Elise” or “It’s a Small, Small World” seemingly at random. This is an indication sent to the PC speaker from the computer’s BIOS that the CPU fan is failing or has failed, or that the power supply voltages have drifted out of tolerance. This is a design feature of a detection circuit and system BIOSes developed by Award/Unicore from 1997 on.
MORE INFORMATION
Although these symptoms may appear to be virus-like, they are the result of an electronic hardware monitoring component of the motherboard and BIOS. You may want to have your computer checked or serviced.
For aditional related information, please see the following DFI Technologies Web site:
http://www.dfiusa.com/support/tech-support.html (http://www.dfiusa.com/support/tech-support.html)
Microsoft provides third-party contact information to help you find technical support. This contact information may change without notice. Microsoft does not guarantee the accuracy of this third-party contact information.
In short, because of your lack of knowledge on the subject, thinking that a motherboard BIOS feature was a virus, you cost your client a computer. I hope you have the integrity to replace it at no cost.
Have you noticed, Shelley et al, that apart from your fellow sycophants, you don’t exactly get a lot of people saying ‘wow, STR, they know a thing or two!’? For every supporter, you seem to have about 50 detractors, I am being generous here.
Anyway, it is the weekend, I go now to Antibes in my fine German car and wish you a lovely time. Sammy has the address, so if the Unit could drop by, that would be real nice.
Salut from the Midi
This is an article posted on a Dutch site, but it’s in English. I think all republican retards should view it.
http://dump.geenstijl.nl/mediabase/4673/40d415e8/index.html
Errmm, Tristan, do you know that posting bull**** and showing pictures of totally outdated products won?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t make your article very informing? Because you have so much mistakes in there, it would take weeks to point them all out.
Oh, and Mozilla Firefox works on Windows. I?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m using Windows XP and Mozilla, you know. (Man, I should use Linux, less viruses than on this rusty thing.)
Sch??ne Gr??Ǭ?sse an alle Deutschsprachigen str Fans. Wir sollten mal ein Fanforum Gr??Ǭ?nden.
Auf jeden Fall! Sagt mir dann bescheid wegen der Adresse.
Yep, Vista will be the most secure one for some months. then every hacker in the world will jump onto it, searching for the breach. And they will find one. Because nothing is perfect. Everything has it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s flaws. And then Vista will be as insecure as all Windows Versions. Linux on the other hand is ignored by most hackers and viruses, because there are many more Windows PC?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s and thus more targets using Windows. In security terms, Windows is using brute force, Linux is using intelligence.
Congratulations on your article.
I just found the time to read it all. It?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s amazing how you speak the truth. The Europeans are abusing their power to bring American companies down. In my mind they (the Euroland) are now also a likely target for invasion.
For an invasion by who? Because, if anyone invades us, he will get some dozen nukes thrown onto his head for sure. Transforming the USA into a big parking lot, here we go. Oh, and the US Army won?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t stand a chance against all european armies together.
PS: SAM, ARE YOU AND THE UNIT GOING TO GET ME OR NOT? BECAUSE IF YOU DON`T ANSWER, I WILL TAKE IT AS A NO AND CALL YOU A FAG FROM NOW ON! Oh, and it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s weekend, so i will be in southern bavaria, Sam. You know the adress, don??ɬºt you??ɬº (I gave it to you, remember?)
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
And shoot Bill Gates for that abomination called Windows!
Maybe the solution for your ignorance is read abit more….all this sucks..
Tristan, you shouldn’t talk about things you don’t know…and it seems that you don’t know nothing about that funny colored box, called personal computer, that you are using just now.
By the way here is is another video which show how Linux is far more innovative than your beloved (and quite useless to us all) windows vista.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ih1TYQ_Ut-A
Just try to look for keywords like xgl, aiglx, compiz, beryl. You will see what vista will never show you.
i always ask who is possible that you can writ this kind of shit, i guess you do this:
Sudo unmount /mnt/brain/
Then you can say: ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Vista includes an all-new sercurity system called TCP/IP which will no doubt stump foreign hackers for years.?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?
Wow! TCP/IP is a new security system? I sort of though it was a protocol on which the very internet we use relies on. By the way the TCP/IP stack that all versions of Windows use is based on code that came from BSD, Microsoft even acknowledges this in accordance with the license BSD is released under. Also, Mozilla Fire Fox runs on many operating systems, including Windows, and renders pages just as well as IE in any instance I’ve encountered (for a high tech one such as myself it’s probably one-thousand times as much experience as the average joe or Billy Bob Neck). This very post was done from Mozilla on a Windows computer. (unfortunately (the windows part, not the mozilla part))
You site is so full of BS I have given it’s very own post in my blog, if you ever care to take a gander.
hang on hang on…
what about UBUNTU christian edition!? whats your opinion on that!?
http://www.whatwouldjesusdownload.com/christianubuntu/2006/07/about-ubuntu-christian-edition.html
hmnn
There is no such command as Sudo nor there is unmount. Little typos in an otherwise good theory :)
in a few years google would have released thier own flavor of linux known now as gubuntu a variation of the very succsesful ubuntu and bill gates will close down m$ and find something better to do and we will enter the new era named the era of google.
You are so full of crap. This new and all windows system are just for convenience not for anything else. It will go down the drain as everything thats gets old and chokes on itself. The problem is that they are not secure at all and dont write about security issues as you dont know shit about that matter either…
I just hope it does go south fast, just as the the republicans in your country.
I love this stuff you write! Keep it up Shelley! Combined with the replys this site is a magnificent peace of reflective performance art.
Its Great !!! You are inspirated !
btw. WTF are you smoking ?
Wait wait… did I miss something? maybe i’m just too used to giving ppl the benefit of the doubt, but that was the funniest article i’ve ever read in my life. anyone with the least bit of common sense and computer skills would immediately realize that the article was a joke…
Upgrade to Vista??? Um, Dude, I hate to break it to you, but unless you have a LEGAL Beta version (By the way, only LEGALLY available to MS developers), that is simply not possible. Plus it would make you an evil, commie, God hating person if you gave it to your buddie (ask Bill). We all know that sharing electronic info is BAD! By the way, how did you come across the Vista dvd? Did somebody, perhaps you, download it from a (Gasp) P2P site? You sir, are NO WHERE CLOSE TO BEING A DEVELOPER !!! So fess up, You are a pirate! Plus a Moron!
People who gave away a whole bunch of their money to help people who really oughta be helping themselves instead having handouts forced on them ain’t got no bidness calling other people morons.
And if you read the whole article you’d see that Mr. Shuddery is our “Technology & Business Correspondant” and as a member of the press gets access to a whole passel of toys and gadgets before they’re release to the general public.
I got the feeling that you’re more of Gates of Hell kinda guy than a Gates of Heaven kinda guy!
(Can I get a amen?!)
Tristan,
Thank you for being a balanced voice, one of very few out in the as-yet unregulated internet. The guys in our IT department have been trying to slip this whole Linix thing into our company for years now, and I’m going to have a good time forwarding this to them. I found out that they have some of the servers running that operating system, but they *still* haven’t been able to get rid of that text screen, or their european pony-tails and sandals. It’s an insult in a modern buseness like ours. I’ll have to look into that TCP-IP thing and recommend that they update soon.
As for those eropeans, so hostile and quick to lash out. Maybe if they took the time to ponder your words before going into a tiz, but big words like “irony” or “god” seem lost on them.
Remember; you get what you pay for, and with Windows you get a *lot*.
hey moron. I just wanted to say my xhtml running on my LINUX server and desktop… validates this windows thing you have… well your xhtml doesn’t validate… you might want to fix that… especially if you your _HINT_ advertising it.
Tristan,
A couple of mistakes in your “article” that people who have posted previous to this have been nice enough to not point out.
About that foreign made CPU- AMD is based in Sunnyvale California and has a huge Camups in Texas (you know, YOUR president’s home state).
GNU/Linux was created by a Finnish graduate student, but it is owned by no one, and every one. The largest Linux company in the world Red Hat, is based in North Carolina, that would be in the USA.
To all Europeans that have read or responded to this blog- I apologize, not all Americans are like Tristan. Many of us beleive that Bush stole the elections in 2000 and 2004 http://www.cio.com/blog_view.html?CID=21093
and the Republicans are trying to steel the internet http://news.com.com/2100-1028_3-6081882.html, we also beleive Iraq is a war about oil that like Vietnam, we will lose.
Tristan- Who writes your material, Robin Williams?
P.S.- Very hot picture of the chick in the chastity belt in your previous post!
Tristan! Brilliant! I love your article - it deserves the utmost attention from the American public. I wish you had a link to digg to help spread your Inspired wisdom. Here is a very scary thought though - I’ve heard that the Godless commie Europeans are actually putting this Linux into cell phones and pda’s! I’ll bet that poor Foley was using one of these and he got torpedoed by a dirty European. I’m sure he didn’t have anything to do with those text messages from his LINUX cellphone/pda whatever. This is obviously a vast and subtle plot to undermine the security and supremacy of America. Who knows what they have put in the linux phones we are buying from them! Scary!!
Well I’ve got to go pray.
Yours in Christ,
The Mad Alchemist
PS. I hope everyone here, especially those that are ragging on you out the most remarkable and complete ignorance imaginable, remembers the most famous saying of the most brilliant marketer ever, PT Barnum. Google it you lazy, stupid, narrow-minded, uptight, EuroLinuxian Commies!
Haha, it’s so pathetic how people keep treating this seriously.
OMFG, i don’t even know where to begin, you are either making fun of people, or just really really stupid. i’m not going to start explaining things to you because it would be a waste of time. just go play hide an fsck yourself.
April Fool! Bit early or late but entertaining all the same.
Thanks
Btw I still run Windows v1.0-Public Release, so am unable to run Vista. Can you help?
Obviously…ignorance is bliss…(did George Bush ghost-write this article???).
To Iraq and back: Soldier uses Linux in war and peace
In 2003 and 2004, Jeff Schroeder served in the Iraq war, flying a tiny remote control spy plane and servicing Unix and Linux systems on the battlefield. Schroeder learned a lot of technology in the desert, and now that his time in the Army is over, he’s busy working as a Web administrator for Comair Airlines, and writing utility scripts for Ubuntu, his favorite distribution. He believes Linux is going to “take over the world.”
A high school teacher introduced Shroeder to Linux in 1999. “It was in networking class,” he says. “I had a guy who was a big Linux zealot, and he was like, ‘This is the next big thing.’ I deeply respected this guy.” Schroeder took him seriously and started playing around with Red Hat at home.
In 2001 he enlisted in the Army as an Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Operator, a.k.a. 96U. “I flew a remote control spy plane called the Shadow 200,” Schroeder says. When he was deployed to Iraq in 2003, he was happy to find that, even in the desert, Linux would still be a big part of his life.
The Shadow is a Tactical Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (TUAV) that performs surveillance using a liquid nitrogen-cooled camera. Operators run the plane from a ground control station that is a retrofitted Humvee loaded with a bank of computers running the Solaris operating system and “locked-down” Java apps. The Shadow sends pictures and video back to a ruggedized laptop video terminal that runs a custom version of Red Hat 9 Linux. “The laptop connects to a little directional antenna that tracks the plane,” Schroeder says. “There were always problems with [the laptops],” and since Schroeder knew Linux, he was called on to detect and fix those problems. “The contractors the military hired weren’t very Unix-savvy,” he says.
Schroeder says that the military effort in Iraq is laced with technology that makes use of open source software. One example is the Army’s Land Warrior program, in which soldiers will be “wired” with special embedded Linux computers that allow them to communicate with each other and track enemy locations.
Now that Schroeder is a civilian again, he says he is glad to have had the opportunity to serve his country and pick up some great skills at the same time, using his Army training as a stepping stone in his career as a Web administrator for Comair, a regional airline based in Cincinnati, Ohio. Schroeder oversees the operation of about two dozen application servers and a cluster of Apache servers, and he also performs day-to-day Unix and Linux systems administration.
In his spare time, Schroeder helps people install Linux on their computers. He’s a big fan of Ubuntu. “I used Fedora before,” he says, “and still use it for servers. But all of my desktops are running Ubuntu.” To make Ubuntu even better, Schroeder’s written several utility scripts, including a popular snippet he calls Faster Dapper. “I like things to be a little faster,” he says. “I wrote the script for myself.” Faster Dapper enables certain features of Ubuntu, such as preload, a daemon that analyzes file usage patterns and preloads the apps you use the most, and Faster Dapper disables lots of services that are enabled by default. “Bluetooth stuff,” he says. “I don’t use that on my laptop. It takes two seconds to load that daemon. If there are, say, 14 services loading that you don’t need…”
Schroeder also created a script called Pretty Dapper that automatically sets up his preferred theme and desktop icons, and Secure Dapper, which results in “basic system hardening.” He says that he plans soon to port Faster Dapper to Fedora and openSUSE. Examples of Schroeder’s work are available at his Web site, digitalprognosis.com
Is this for real or is this a good piece of comedy?
If it’s for real, I feel very worried about the USA.
If we could see the windows source code - lets see what M$ have stolen/ripped off from everyone else ! God bless online communism
Wow. Nice article, perfectly tailored to the intelligence of your audience, judging from the comments.
Fine reminder that betting on the stupidity of people has rarely caused anyone to go broke.
Yet again an article of brilliance - if I couldn’t see the funny side I’d probably be seething and whining like the rest of the linux advocates out there - but luckily I have a sense of humour.
Keep it up
Hm, what is really happening is that so-called new products are forced upon us and we have to pay for things we already had before or that we do not really need. So we start looking at a better quality/price ratio. So now we prefer Mozilla and even Linux is gaining ground here.
I will not spend a buck on Vista or whatever new Microstuff comes out since I did that too many times without getting much in return.
Holy Shit!
God Save America.
Freeze!This is BSD Police!
Stop this Shit Immediately!
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!
Mwoahahahahaha….
I truly hope this is intended to be funny. For those great graphics that Vista won’t support in the Basic edition, try XGL and Compiz. No charge. How about all those successful small IT business who can build a great computer for any customer, customize to the customers needs, with little or no capital outlay, and include all the applications they could need. Only Linux offers a business person that opportunity. We all know small business is the engine which drives the economy. Just a thought.
Tom
I would say M$ is the one that it cheating. Because Linux is already superior in nearly everything they try to change the laws and stuff to declare it illegal.
How could Open Source cheat? Everything is open!
Your whole article is crap!
dear bible basher…
you must have worked at microsoft sometime in yor life because all this is pure propaganda!! mayb use ur time more constructively and write about things you actually have CORRECT info about
until then keep to the bible =>
Excellent article, Tristan. Here is your reward:
http://hippieplace.tripod.com/TrollKing.jpg
Damn. The image is protected by “referer”. How about this one: http://www.browsersfantasyart.com/JeffImages/Troll%20King6.jpg
Can Vista do this?
http://members.home.nl/mtmd/cuben.png
Tritan,
This is fantastic stuff! I am rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. As if the article alone wasn’t funny enough, the blathering idiotic rants (feedback) it has generated really take the cake. Ah, the comedy of idiocy.
Cheers,
Winston
Tristan, thank you very much for posting this. I do appreciate all your subtle sense of humor (TCP/IP, F??Ǭ?r Elise). You alwys make my day with this great comedy. Ever considered a professional career?
Just hearing a German “Lord of the Ring” MP3 on my Japanese laptop running SUSE Linux.
Remember; you get what you pay for, and with Windows you get a *lot*.
Yeah, a lot of trouble and sorrows. =)
The German Guy
Arrest Bill Gates! Windows is a crime against humanity!
Oh, and IMPEACH BUSH!
Tritan,
I see that you opened up a hornets nest with your comedy of errors. I to would have blacked out my name on the MCSE papers that you showed. I would be extremely embrassed to be associated with this type of incompetence.
This article is humorous, but not great writing. If you wish to continue as writer find a subject that’s less taxing on the gray matter (cooking comes to mind or even knitting).
You make me sick in general. I have been a Christan for many years and you are part of what is wrong with the world. YOU are from satin. Your support of a President with his mind on set on world domination. I hate you. I hate this country. and I hate that i have to live here. More freedoms are being taken away because of people like you. Our rights to live our life in peace has been taken away by our government. So much apathy in this, and all your crap. You and other right-wingers are every where and is the reason why we have an idiot for a President. This is why corruption is in all levels of the government. And I HATE IT WHEN OTHER COUNTRIES SEE US LIKE WE SAW THE NAZIS!!! You, and your support of this president is what caused this. Our freedom is under attack but not from over seas but right here by the current administration. I can’t afford 400 for Vista so I am kinda screwed. This is why I choose free. I choose free because that is my God given right.
I want to be free. But for right now I will settel with my software and I almost don’t care what you think. and almost any response you could give me would just make me throw my self in front of a car. I would suggest you stop this blog and stop this hate. Because people like me can’t stand you. You are …. forget it. I imagine you could care less. It’s why you do what you do
You’re either an idiot or a man with a nice sense of humor. I hope you’re the latter. Have a nice day.
Congrats Shelley!
This is an absolutelly brilliant Linux promotion!!
Keep up the good work!!!
You are right about Linux!
One time, I tried to start it up, and it told me it was conjuring a Daemon!
I shut it off and reinstalled Windows Vista (RC1 is out).
Ok, I think I will stop laughing in an hour or so. I read both articles about Linux being a threat and this one. Tristan, I hope you will receive a Darwin award sometime soon. It’ll be better for all of us. Why not posting a picture of the “state-of-the-art” ENIAC for god’s sake. Get a life, and get a real OS :D
You’re such a dork… At least TRY to get your faq’s straight before you go out on a limb like that…
Jesus preached the Gospel, fed the poor and redeemed the lost. You are schilling for the richest man in the world, in my opinion and fail to see the true Christianity at work in the Linux Movement.
Tens of thousands of Developers, who have the God given gift to understand computing, give away their efforts to everyone. This feeds the poor, does it not? It provides an avenue to redeem those that need information to make better decisions with, who can afford it the least. Shall these people not be first?
You and I both understand the Gospel, the Good news that God gave his only begotten Son to save us from sin, to have everlasting life with God through the sacrifice of his Son. Once again, for legions of people blessed by God, with unique talents and abilities bestowed upon them by God, to selflessly give away their efforts, that is OF God. You are on very thin ground here, theologically, and I hope that you pray for guidance. It IS God’s work in action. Be very very careful. What goes around always comes around.
I leave you to God to judge. Repentance, at this point, may be in order. I pray you consider the true meaning of what Linux has been about since the beginning… a simple Gift. It has never been about a price of wages. When you bring the price of wages as a topic into the Temple, Jesus shall kick you out. Rev. Ric
if you have any network gear running in your house (DSL Modem, Router, SWitch)
90% chances the netgear runs a linux based distro
Hi, Shelly you have to be on drugs or something; i cannot believe the level of ignorance of this people, you really think that linux is a threat to American Economy JAJAJA …. well i cannot argue with you, probably brainwashed for the Bush(Just a Puppet of the really bad Companies Like MS) goverment, by the way here is the Windows Vista killer, this is how your really make Software http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xgl
This article must be a joke - surely!!!
If not, then you need to read more widely than the marketing blurb, and definately get chatting with a few more people, particularly Europeans.
Hi, Shelley, so good to read your screed. I have a technical question for you, which, being a good, helpful American, you will be able to answer. I have been charged with the design of the Fully Automatic Nuclear Powered Self Propelled Nose Picker, the first truly civilian use of nuclear power and it’s All American. Its primary purpose is to keep politicians’ noses clean, no matter where they have been. I was thinking, as was my senior engineer, that we’d have it Internet-connected and use Windows ME to run it, being fully patriotic Americans and not inclined to use anything not blessed by your patriotic selves.
Do you think Bill Gates will allow us to use Windows ME at a friendly cut rate? Or do we have to upgrade - whatever that means - to Windows Vista?
Dear Tristan,
What a great, clearifying article.
I think we now need your opinion on MP3: it’s invented by Europeans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MP3), which must make it bad. On top of that, MP3 is taking away money from god loving americans.
I’m so glad Microsoft is trying to replace the open, thus bad, MP3 by it’s beautiful DRM-ed WMA.
“all-new sercurity system called TCP/IP”….
“”state of the art?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ? German made computer”….
Keep up the good work!
oh no!
can t be possible to be stupid like that!
oh, tristan please:
BUY A COMPUTER!
READ BOOKS!
do something, I don’t know, It’s horrible to see that people can be as ignorant about computer like you.
(And about Vista: Vista is already obsolete… Why would I buy an unsecure system like that???)
Tristan should become a comedy writer.
I was really laughing my ass off…
Tristan -
Why would Jesus support Microsoft (Bill Gates foundation - World population control / big time abortionist) over Linux (free / non-coercive)? Do you think Jesus overlooks what his foundation espouses just because Gates lines the pockets of Republican politicians? C’mon, you can’t be serious.
Dude, if you know only a little bit of what he’s talking about you’d see he’s only making one thing ridiculous and that one thing is Microsoft ;-)
Assuming you are perfectly serious, I am suddenly very ashamed to think of myself as Republican, if anything for the ignorance you, Mr. Shuddery.(Incidentally, your name appears to be a pseudonym that a 19th century satire novelist in Britain might have employed, but I digress). Then again, a Windows and Linux-using, half-European but American born, Catholic woman such as myself probably wouldn’t be welcomed into your fold of Republicanism anyway, so my shame probably means nothing.
In addition to the absurd technical errors and ingorant assumptions made about European and American technology, I have to say that as many have said above, the internet and many of the information systems we take for granted do not run off of Windows. Yes, personal computers are monopolized by Microsoft, but millions of servers and databases here in the United States are Linux or quite simply, not Windows based. And everyone, from President Bush to you and I benefit from and use these systems regularly. Want to know one of the biggest ones?
Google.
I don’t think Linux is for everyone, but I do believe that the Antichrist or destruction of America is NOT contained within it. And in our land of freedom, we certainly should have the freedom to choose how we access the free speech we have a Constitutional right to: books, radio, internet, or television.
Miss A.P.
Oh, God! I haven’t seen so much stupidity and ignorance for a long time and would take a much longer time to correct all the mistakes in your two articles. And saying that forcing someone to use win is a victory for Jesus reminds me of the inquisition. But probably you haven’t heard about such a thing (it was long before Windows, ha-ha), so i’ll make another example: imagine that arab terrorists would make an operating system and the ones who are not using it are killed. What a victory for Allah! hahahaaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway, don’t you ever use linux: linux is for intelligent people.
Nice touch to block Netcraft on reporting on what your site is running,”
We have been requested not to report on the site http://www.shelleytherepublican.com.”
Make sure people don’t know about Ubuntu Christian Edition ;-)
http://os.newsforge.com/article.pl?sid=06/09/25/1426248&tid=2&tid=31
Ma baiete… esti dus rau tare. :)
Dear Tristan,
first of all I wanted to thank you for you excellent article. I am a computer scientist myself and -sadly I have to admit - that- am a European! You made me reflect a lot, because what you say is so true, and I would like to let you know that not all Europeans are attracted to this local stone-age-technology. I really do admire the progressive American way of advancing technology while truthfully adhering to His commandments.
But, as you said, I know many compatriots from Germany, who have “tried” their hands on Linux. Imagine that! Would you “try” Linux, “try” drugs or “try” suicide? Of course only once…? Needless to say, they all failed miserably. Linux has no power point, no photoshop, no frontpage, no media player, no games like american army - there are millions of examples of software that does not run on linux because it is really out-of-date in its technology.
Yes, linux is antique: It uses technology which has been obsolete for decades. The main concept was developed in the 1960s! Who would go to a dentist with sixtieth equipment or fly on a plane from that era? A certain degree of insanity is required for such madness.
But not all Europeans are communistic fanatics. I am part of a quiet minority (due to the lack of Freedom of Speech here in Germany). We worship Microsoft, the American company which earned the title market leader in operating systems and look forward to Visa, the securest and finest operating system ever forged. Out chancellor Merkel sympathizes with president Bush. If you ever need it: We are your bridge head in Europe, and we will prevail!
In deep adoration,
Gerhard Markus
You are a gold plated tit Sir. And yes I am european, uk or Great Britain, if you actually know where that is or London if you don’t.
GET A LIFE
You’re right Tristan, let’s drop the bomb on these european bastards !
Namel and Facel Ess do you know what is a deamon? it is a process that is running in your system doing something useful while you are doing something else. for example, oper task manager…ctrl-alt-canc and select procesess…you’ll see all deamons actually on your windows system…oh my God, a communist had entered and broken my pc!!
Tristan, do you know what TCP/IP means? It is a communication protocol, nothing more. Everyone on the net communicate using TCP/IP protocol, sometimes UDP protocol, but TCP/IP is the most used. do you know what is a communication protocols?rules for communication, nothing more.
It is part of a system open, don’t you understand this concept?
I’ve tried windows vista: nothing more than windows xp…you can pay more attention to images, but the system is still the same, still not good for a good programmer.
linux doesn’t have an antivirus program because more viruses enter into your system using ActiveX technology. This isn’t necessary in linux, so linux is more secure.
linux doesn’t have a disk-defragmentor tool because it isn’t necessary: the file system EXT directly allocates memory in the right way, so you don’t have to reallocate memory in a second time…you can do this, but it is an unuseful procedure.
You are a liar, every system has a repair tool, I use linux to understand what goes wrong on my laptop because windows doesn’t allow me to see all like I want. and I can say that with linux I find and repair the error in a few minutes…with windows I can try to understand what happened for hours!!!
Mozilla, Opera are examples of web browser better than Internet Explorer. If you have tried them you should think the same. Microsoft doesn’t give me the choise: it provides IE, even if it is a bad program. I can’t unistall them, they are in the system, I don’t want them, but I can’t remove them. This is crazy!!
I can say the same using Media Player…it crash every five minutes, it doesn’t recognize my songs, I spent more time downoloading codec than using the player…now with I-tunes I have no problem
I use linux, I can use shell, I can type commands and if you are a programmer you should type your commands, it is the faster system.
if you see two desktop one with linux and another one with windows you can’t find the difference…if you try to use the RIGHT linux system you will never use windows again.
if you’ve never really tried something, how can you say it is bad?
and if you are the technical expert…poor us, you are the most incompetent technical expert I’ve ever met. please go back to school and learn something.
You guys relise that this is all a joke right? No one who is so simple minded could make such good clip art. Think about it. This site is for a joke, Don’t get all pissed off.
Are you serious? How many people are going to validify the obviousness of a nonsense article like this. Obviously Shelly didn’t care about the on coming comments before he even fathomed the idea to write this mess! This typifies the way Americans think, and I’m guilty. We focus at the wrong time on the wrong stuff. It’s obvious this guy doesn’t know either system he’s dealing with. Either that, or this was a joke article created and aimed to manufacture confusion amongst the masses in which it is doing quite perfectly. It also bleamishes the name of Jesus. As A Christian, I cant call a guy like this my brother at all!
Unless he was joking, and he personally admits he was joking. And even then the people who insulted will have to accept his appology. Anyway. Dont call me. Call God!
Thanks for this very entertaining article. I was laughing my pants off! I don’t mind being mocked.
A European.
WHY ARE YOU SO STUPI,WHY GOD DAMN IT?
I remove my hat & bow to you, GOD BLESS the Republicans.
Life would be so serious without them!! LOLOLOLOLO!!!!
This is a fine article, thanks you!
Signed
Linux communist
Tristan,
congratulations. You managed to prove again, how stupid you are.
I hope you’ll get a big rod up your christian ass.
Hilarious– thanks for the laugh. I keep reading this one. :)
Everyone, please read the Terms and Conditions of this blog before you post….you will learn alot!
Surely this is a joke?
It can’t be real?
It’s got to be satire, right? No one is this stupid?
OMG! You are a total riot! I just read your “Terms and Conditions” page, figuring that this had to be satirical. I was right!
And, BTW, you’re wrong. Al Qaeda doesn’t own Linux. Finland doesn’t own Linux. The French have overtaken Linux. They own it now. They are the ones funding Al Qaeda with it and are the ones attacking God from their headquarters in the City of Mandriva. We should immediately launch a crusade against the God-Forsaken pinko Linux-using French and nuke them IMMEDIATELY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Oooh, better yet, have the Evil Soviet Empire do it. No, I don’t care that some people say it doesn’t exist. That’s just a Marxist plot to try to get You, my fellow Americans, to go soft. Friends, don’t let them tempt you!
DOWN WITH COMMIE LIBERALS–er, LINUXERALS! DOWN WITH THAT CALIFORNIA HIPPIE LINUS TORVALDS! (Remember, Oregon is just the northern part of California; it’ll fall into the sea with the rest of that pinko so-called “state”.) It’ll make it easier to import the cheap Chinese goods that we all HAVE THE RIGHT to keep right on buying, Dad-Gummit!
GO MICROSOFT…GO INTEL…GO AMERICA!! YEEEAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Almost as stupid as the other article about Linux :D
Tristan, you are a stupid ignorant and you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Unless this weblog is a fake. If it is, you are not funny.
I think, that Shelley and the others ain’t no fool (notice the Iron Maiden quote :) - fucking Englanders, pffff :)
By the way, i am a true European and i am using Linux and don’t use MS Windows and i know what TCP/IP is. ( I hope, that i won’t burn in Hell beacause of these things :)
Good day!
WTF?!?!
You’ve just deleted what i really said!
The truth hurts :)
Hey fuckers! Try to put a blindfold on my eyes!!! HAHAHA!
This whole webpage is all wrong. Real christians (like me) use linux at home, because they don’t need the fancy graphical interface. The satanic design of Windows’s GUI only tries to fool the people, and cover the godless win32 kernel.
God bless LINUX. God bless the real kernel. God bless the real christians.
And Shelley and Tristan, I know you are true christians, because your server is still running linux, the true operating system. :)
what a jackass author!! i couldn’t believe reading this crap article. jesus must be turning over in his sleep, non-stop. i even scrolled all the way to the top of this webpage to see if this was some kind of humor portal.
it seems like america has lots of shitheads too…
ram
malaysia
And we - true christians, linux users - don’t need TCP/IP, because GOD WILL SAVE US.
Another god freak - spare me please! It’s hard to fathom the incredulity of some American politicians. Those of us in Europe with a deep seated “like” of America are constantly beaten down by this senseless diatribe. Your country’s corporate greed, supported by your policies, has turned you into the antithesis of what you once stood for, and you are now repeatedly abusing the privilege that your population have bestowed upon you with their vote.
Oh, and you real christians would be out in the streets giving alms and taking in the poor instead of running Linux.
Shame on you all!
Ehh!
I can’t believe, that everybody is so blind and stupid here!
Why can’t you understand the aim of that site?
They’re just liars. They want every American to become a machine, who can’t think.
If you can’t understand that, then read Orwell’s 1984. I hope you’ll notice the paralelism with STR.
And please notice the irony in some comments too!
cs??Ǭ? k??cs??g??k!
Whats wrong on linux ?!?!
I think you just say IT IS AN EUROPEAN…
European = Wrong ??? :-D
Linux is better than ******** Windows !!!
Your comments are charged with hate and write a lot of lies.
Do wou know that Mozilla is a U.S. Company?
Do you know that TCP/IP is a communication protocol?
How can Republicans believe you?
These are clearly the latter stages of complete insanity. I wonder if the person who wrote this S H I T E is a self harmer. I believe the sole purpose of this article is to drive an anger frenzy through the linux community. I think whoever wrote this was high on crack cocaine whilst sucking their daddy’s U KNOW WHAT!!!
I thank the Lord in my prayers every night that there are good God fearing Christians like you, Shelley, protecting us.
I have a friend (well, he was a friend) who put Lunix into his computer. It had a picture of a penguin on it - not a beautiful scene of the Lord’s work like the one above. As soon as I looked in the penguin’s eyes I knew that the “penguin” is just another manifestation of the Prince of Darkness, and that Lunix is surely his work. It was full of viruses too. As soon as he clicked on any of the little pictures on his screen, programs started. Obviously the viruses were stopping the proper double click from working.
When he went on the internet using “Firefox” (surely properly called Devilfox) none of the normal popups for those wonderful services offered by American free enterprise were there! And instead of being frightened and calling on the name of the Lord for help, he seemed pleased, and expected me to be impressed!
Well - I can tell you - that person is no longer my friend, though I pray every night for his soul - right after I thank the Lord for Microsoft.
Lunix is truly the Devil’s work. God bless you
Let me summarize this:
Windows XP Home is for the everday computer user.
Windows XP Pro is for the computer professional.
Windows NT is for the website hoster and network professional.
Windows Vista is for programmers (currently).
Mac OS X is for gays and metrosexuals.
Linux is for perverts and terrorist killers who do everything just not supporting America!
GOT IT???
what about qnx, menuetos, skyos and unununium?
What about RISCOS, ReactOS, Plan9, Solaris, *BSD, OS/2?
Please answer, Shelley.
what do you mean by “terrorist killers”?
Shelley, I use Windows XP Pro, Mac OS X and Linux, so am I a gay professional terrorist? :’)
BTW I’m using Internet Explorer for UNIX right now. http://www.microsoft.com/unix/ie/
What a pen*s.
Too funny, great satire. TCP/IP as security feature, ingenious!
o.k. so this is pretty funny. Obviously Tristan has no clue about computers or software or how it all works. I think this site is just intended as a joke cause it’s pretty obvious Tristan has no clue what she’s talking about.
I’m a republican and a christian and I use Windows XP, Server 2003, Linux and MAC OSX. I use what I need for the job I need to do. I am MCSE certified and I have been into computers for over 20 years.
The reality is, that MAC, Linux and Unix are far superior to Windows but Windows got the market and users are too stuck in their ways to change. If you ask me I would be happy to start supporting MAC’s as apposed to Windows boxes… they are much more reliable and have much less problems not to mention little to NO spyware/viruses. Linux is great I have a Linux server at my house that has been running strong for a couple of years now. :-)
Tristin all I can say is do more research/homework and learn more about what your commenting on cause your coming across as a fool. Also, please quit giving christians a bad name. It’s people like you that turn others away from Christ.
LOL!
- “Vista includes an all-new sercurity system called TCP/IP which will no doubt stump foreign hackers for years.”
NOTE: Created by DARPA in the early 1970s. TCP/IP (Transmission Control Protocol / Internet Protocol) is no more then a common network protocol that makes Internet possible. Not a all-new sercurity system, Tristan. LOL LOL!
——————————————————
- “A client of mine had a Linux computer which had a virus called ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Fur Elise?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ? which caused the computer to play random melodies through it?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s speaker.”
NOTE: “Fur Elise” is played by Damage Free Intelligence (D.F.I.), a warning feature on some motherboards tells you someting is wrong with your hardware like CPU, Heatsink/Fan or Power Supply.
(More info about the feature here http://www.dfiusa.com/support/music.htm)
Could it have been his Heatsink/Fan that was failing. Tristans clients computer was giving warnings, but Tristan didn’t understand so it went fried. His like Homer Simpson on the nuclear plant. LOL LOL LOL!
——————————————————
- “Once again, Europeans tried to compete with their ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Mozilla?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?, it was slow buggy and only worked on Linux, and wouldnt let you see pictures or use VBScript.
NOTE: Fact - Mozilla was established in July 2003 with start-up support from America Online’s Netscape division.
http://www.mozilla.org/press/mozilla-foundation.html
——————————————————
- “Can your European Linux do this? The new Windows Vista desktop: Linux computers are still burdened with a text-mode interface, wheras Windows Vista has the latest cutting-edge design.”
NOTE: Ooohh yes it can! It allready can and a lot lot lot more that Vista won’t be able too next year when released. If you really want’t to know what Linux can, TODAY, take a look here:
http://www.linuxedge.org/?q=node/55
Love you Tristan. Once again you have made me laugh out loud!
Tristan wrote:
“Linux?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s answer to TCP/IP is so primative that it does not support modern protocols like NetBUI and NetBIOS. Because of Linux?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s primitive obsolete networking it is incompatible with Windows File-Sharing.”
It seems that you don’t know anything about you are speaking of. At first NetBEUI and also NetBIOS (sometimes called WINS) are obsolete in Microsoft products since Win 2000. They are still in Windows, but only for backward compatibility. At second point you are liar or you never haven’t seen Linux. Linux has grafical GUI since 1992 based on XFree86 and now is usualy used X.org. In latest version of main distributions is feature called XGL which supports 3D desktop graphical enviroment. Yes, yes, very similar to Vista’s one. Another part of all main Linux distributions is project called Samba which implements Windows-like filesharing. It also can be joined to Windows domain or can stand for primary domain controller. Btw, do you know hat PDC is, you “compuper expert”? It works with Active Directory also. Btw, many Linux projects and Linux itself are developed by US companies like IBM, RedHat, Sun Microsystems, HP and so on. At last I’d like to say that you are also misinformed about European computers. May be you were missing on some lessons of geography at school, but Europe also called “The Old Continent” isn’t Africa. In Africa they usually have no computers (except some countries). In Europe we have exactly same computers as you can buy in US. For example my 3 years old computer is AMD Barton 2500+ with three 160GB HDD’s, 1GB RAM, 5.1 channel SB-Live! soundcard and 19″ ADI monitor. I also have another 1GHz AMD Athlon computer with 80GB HDD as a Linux server at home, one 1GHz AMD Duron computer with 80GB HDD for rest of the family and at least my HP notebook with 1,3 Celeron for work. So are you still thinking that we Europeans are so out of date?
I hope, not all americans are idiots like author of this blog, otherwise God with us.
[...] This guy is so clueless that I thought he must surely be a liberal-spun parody created with intent to poke fun at the extreme right. Nope, he’s the real deal, and he may just be dimwitted enough to rival the infamous Tuttle city manager. I vote they battle it out… [...]
This blog is very good:)
bullshit!
Until now I wasn’t sure whether author is seriuos or not. Now I’m pretty sure, because it’s just suffused with God’s light!
So keep going!
Greeting from Czech Republic (for Tristan - Europe)
Only one thing: do you know what operating system runs on WWW server that serves this page = your page? To be sure you know what I am talkong about, this web page is served by some computer and on that computer is running some operating system….
Hint: it is not your wonderful american god-blessed windows….to your luck, because it would be hacked instantly :)
Hm, point one: How can you compare computer 15 years old and todays computers?
Point two: Linux does not have defragmenting utility, because it does not fragment. It does not need antivirus system, there are not viruses for linux. (Well, you can download these if you really think you need them, so it is not a true they do not exist).
Point three: How dare you say that EU smells of french garlick! I’m from Czech republic and we have our own garlic!
Point four: The thing with VBasic - is it really wise to run any script that can do anything with your computer just when you enter some unknown page? There is where you get the viruses..
Point five: Why you need Media Player to play sound? Do you think it is Media Player that plays the cracking noise when an error message appears? No, it is not. And there are other music and video players. They did not say they can not have the system with it, they said they must allow user who buys it to choose if he wants it there or not. Did you try to remove the thing (or Outlook, MSN messager) because some other program that does the same suits you more and this one just takes space?
IExplore again: Not working. Write a page with is well formated according to standards and you have 50% that IE will be the only browser that can not show it correctly.
And about your american economy - well, Microsoft threats ours so - we are square here, no? ;-)
Can I give you a advise? Start writing cartoons. Because people _laugh_ when they read this.
Tristan,
many thanks for this article - this is the best joke which I’v seen last year.
If I may advice something, please, start with stupid sentences in the half of article, it increases enjoyment of readers…
Jan
vista = waste of time…
& you’re
Yeah, we have such knowing person like mr. Tristan J. Shuddery in Czech Republic too:-). He also likes writing coat-trailings about Linux. Salute, JXD!
stupid americans
Dear Tristan,
you should already know that lie is sin.
Internet is full of articles that will explain you what Linux realy is and than you should delete every word you have written here.
Your onco
P.S.:If everyone were like you,the Earth would be destroyed.
Tristan, you’re only a crazy diseased man!
I think that your IT articles are only made for making people switching to linux, becouse no inteligent uman being can trust to your leggends…
Please, stop telling people lies! You do this only becouse you know the true power of Linux, and you know that if a man try Linux (having EVERYTHING and more) completely for free (LEGALLY, obiouvsly) stop paying Microsoft’s Criminals.
I didn’t think there was people like you in the World…
You’re only another motivation to hate more the American Repubblicans!
Bye…
Europeans does better!
PS: Unix, Linux and Mozilla have no country! They’re owned by the World at all! Anyway you can be happy that many important project have born in the US (Unix, Netscape-Mozilla, GNOME and so on)
Ah, sorry… I forgot to say that one of the ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?smaller?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ? USA company called Google (have you ever heard about it? :o) is using since long time Linux (not only in its server).
So, please use your robots.txt to avoid that Search engines using terrorist software (Linux, you know…) whould indicize your pages!
It’s a security suggestion!!! :D
ROTFL!
Lovely Tristan,
Thank you, for your gr8 article I must laugh when I read it even for a 6 time :-)
I am socked by all that you say! firefox is a browser with less fails than ie, and it respects the W3C standards, not like internet explorer. To your information, 2 years ago, there was 98% of IE users, and now there’s 20% of firefox users. Note that TCP/IP is not a new feature of windows vista, it a standards wich exist since 20 about years (begining of the internet)
Calm the fuck down, guys. This is OBVIOUSLY a joke.
PS:
Fuckin’ AIDS.
LOL, http://www.shelleytherepublican.com/ is running on linux server!
See the Irony!?!
Ps, I think this writer does a good job getting my attention. Have you ever thought of writing a book.
That was a good laugh, especially after reading this
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/2193275.stm
Now Torvald lives in the states. Linux contributes through myriad US firms to the US economy and as we see it is microsoft which is yet again trying the devious commie-type practices to undermine the US government’s right to save it’s tax payers money.
Maybe MS is actually trying to steal your hard earned taxes and lower the efficiency of the various Gov depts by allowing commie Euro and chinese hackers with an easy entry to any MS OS.
Loved the deliberate mistakes by the way but it is getting too transparent now.
You no mor abowt teh Intarveb tehn republicain Ted Stevens, an udder fin republicain hoo nos teh intarnet is not a big truck its a series of tubes.
You dumb dork, TCP/IP is the protocol the Internet runs on, not a security system. The question your article brings up is really a philosophical one. If someone is willfully ignorant, is he really a liar? I would think the answer is both. The TCP/IP comment was the most glaring, but the whole article was a pack of lies and/or ignorance that is part and parcel of Republicanism. It’s just the jabber of monkeys. Go directly to the 18th Century. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Tristan,
This is the most brilliantly well-informed 3rd level _investigative memetic warfare_ I’ve ever seen. Too deeply researched for even The Onion, America’s finest news source, to print. I’ve been trying to figure out which model of keyboard that German (Nazi, and probably communist also) computer has. Is that the TN 6151 or 5151? I can’t make it out.
Oh, as a minor correction: The internet is actually a series of tubes, which Al Gore helped Bill Gates invent.
God Bless
Freedom Isn’t Free
God Bless America
-Lemony
No , How the an internet is built detailed here:
What you would need
Computers that can run linux , windows , FreeBSD , Solaris
Netork Cables
Network Switches of 100Mbps and 1Gbps.
Fed up with the low bandwidth that ISP like AOL give you and invesive regulations?
think that you could build an Internet on your own?
Need a place for your privacy to be preserved?
if this is the case this guide is for you . it explains how to create an Internet from the small level to the big WAN (Wide-Area Network) level.
This is the first Chapter that describes in the most general way how an Internet orginised and what OS to install and in the next chapters that i would post later would go more in details. in buttom of this chapter is th explaintion of all the terms that used in this Howto.
Note: Every router in this chapter sould run in the minimum dhcp relay and dns cacher.
First You need to Create the Local Networks (LAN) that you want to
Connect in order to create a usable network. each network includes 2 or more computers and another computer to use as a router. On the the router should be:
A dhcp relay for getting a range of IP Addresses to use inside the network
A OSPF server or IS-IS program enable communication with other LAN’s
the OS of the router recommended to be OpenBSD , or Linux. However it can be also Windows , or FreeBSD. This works by that each computer in the network recive IP Address from t