Death of a Democrat (A short Play)
Friends,
Did you hear, that the Reverend Falwell refused to take-back his quite sensible words about that harlot Hillary Clinton? It seems some liberals took offence when Jerry mentioned that America would rather vote for the devil than for Hillary Clinton, and was asked to apologize. There’s no way that the original culture-warrior was going to apologize for telling the truth. Jerry stuck to his principles.
Jerry Falwell, an honest Christian who represents the vast majority of Americans. His brave criticism of Hillary Clinton was the inspiration for this play, and that is why I am dedicating it to him.
After watching his latest sermon, I felt inspired to write a short play for next year’s “Kids on Fire” Jesus Camp. I’m new to this play-writing business, so I called in the help of my fellow STR writers, Billy, Sam and Shelley. I think you will agree that the results are just spectacular.
Can any American doubt the harm that Hillary Clinton is prepared to do to America? Please use this play as part of your missionary / witnessing to help defeat the Democrats, and keep America for Jesus Christ.
This is still the first draft of my play, so please let me know if you can suggest any dramatic improvments: It’s moral lesson is quite subtle, I’m worried that the key message may be lost on our liberal audience. Can anybody suggest additional dramatic “devices” that might enhance it’s message?
Yours in Christ,
Tristan
by Tristan J. Shuddery (Playwright)
Scene: A man has died and is waiting to be judged before the gates of heaven where he is being interviewd by a splendid angel.
MAN: Where am I, what is this place.
ANGEL: You’ve died - this is heaven.
MAN: So it was all true?
ANGEL: Yes, every single word of the Bible
MAN: Wow, this place is more beautiful than I had ever dreamed. I can’t believe it… I’m literally in heaven!
ANGEL: You’re an American right?
MAN: Sure
ANGEL: Great, I love Americans - pretty much everybody in Heaven is American.
MAN: Really? I kind of figured that God loved everybody the same.
ANGEL: Actually He hates the French, and the HitlerDeutschGermans. They disgust Him. Surely you know that?
MAN:What about Americans?
ANGEL: God Loves Americans the best, you guys are his chosen people.
MAN:I thought the Jews were his chosen people?
ANGEL:Not any more… since they killed Jesus. God was pretty mad with them for a while, and thats why He created America.
MAN: I always knew America was special.
ANGEL: Now, tell me, did you lead a blameless life?
MAN: I tried to sir.
ANGEL: Did you read the Bible every day and and trust in Jesus?
MAN: Since I was a child, and all my life.
ANGEL: That’s just great, we can fast-track you into heaven.
MAN: Is that it? Can I come in now?
ANGEL: Not so fast. We got a few formalities - let me check my ledger…. hmmm.
MAN: Whats wrong?
ANGEL: Oh dear… hmm.
MAN: Please tell me, is there something wrong?
ANGEL:You might have a problem getting to heaven - it says here that you were responsible for wrecking marriage and that you unleashed sodomites across America.
MAN: (incredulous) Oh sure… ha ha ha.
ANGEL: (unrolling a long scroll of parchment, sfx rustling papers), It says here you did all of that and more - you betrayed God’s people the Israelites in their battle against terrorists, by forcing them to cease-fire just as they had almost achieved victory.
MAN: You’re joking right?
ANGEL: No. It’s written that you implemented policy to prevent non-existent Global Warming as a means of diverting America from the threat of encroaching secularism…
MAN: You must have got the wrong guy, I didnt do any of that. I was just a clerk in a store… I never had any power. Cummon, this is no time for pranks.
ANGEL: We don’t make mistakes here, and there are no pranks in Heaven…. You were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of unborn babies, and your policies killed Terri Schivo.
MAN: I never done any of that either. I swear. I never even met Teri Schivo, it was a real shame what happened to her, she was in a crash. She was brain dead…
ANGEL: Well, that’s not what God says. God was about to grant her a miraculous recovery, but liberal doctors pulled her life-support. One more day and she would have been talking and singing. Murderer!
MAN: I didn’t murder anybody - I’ve no blood on my hands. Go ask Jesus, he can vouch for me!
ANGEL: I’m afraid not - This information came from Jesus. He was watching you the whole time.
MAN: So He must know that I didnt do anything wrong!
ANGEL: Ahh but you did… tell me who you voted for in 2007?
MAN: Hillary Clinton… uh.. I suppose…
ANGEL: You suppose?
MAN: Well, yes, I did vote for her - but whats so wrong with Hillary? I mean she ain’t the devil is she?
ANGEL: Son, voting for the devil would have been less of a sin.
MAN: You ARE joking!
ANGEL: We DON’T joke about Hillary Clinton in heaven.
MAN: But how was I supposed to know? She seemed so smart, so logical and convincing… And quite hot too.
ANGEL: You were warned
MAN: How?
ANGEL: God’s servants on earth told you: Didn’t you listen to the Rev Falwell, or Bill O’Rielly. Didnt you watch Fox - it couldnt have been any plainer.
MAN: I didn’t have cable.
ANGEL: And you didn’t have a radio either right?
MAN: Yeah, I had one of those, but I mainly listened to rock.
ANGEL: …You didn’t listen to Christian Radio, Our Radio. You preferred to listen to the Devil’s music. It’s okay, don’t be embarrased - we know it all already. All your sins are written down..
MAN: But voting Democrat is not a sin, Pastor says that God is above mere politics.
ANGEL: Well, your pastor was wrong. God hates sin, and if you elect non-christians who legislate sin, then all those sins become your own.
MAN: But Pastor said all I have to do to go to heaven is keep a personal relationship with Jesus.
ANGEL: Well, he was wrong - if it’s any consolation - he and most of your other Episcopalian friends are in Hell too.
MAN: You mean I’m going to …Hell?
ANGEL: I’m afraid so.
MAN: But I tried to live a good life!
ANGEL: Friend, you almost made it to heaven, but you did one thing wrong. You betrayed God and God’s own country at the very hour of it’s need, and thats the biggest sin of all. You have sealed your own fate.
MAN: I just don’t believe it!
ANGEL: Sorry, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. The minute you voted for a pro-terrorist candidate, you were doomed…
[sfx : Distorted trumpet, evil laughter]
ANGEL: Hark, I cam hear Satan’s emissaries on their way. They have come to claim your soul.
[sfx : Door creaking]
MAN: (gasps) Satan!
ANGEL (gasps) And …Hillary Clinton?
SATAN: Remember me worthless Sinner?
MAN: No! I fought against you all my life.
SATAN: But, when it mattered you did MY bidding.
MAN: No!
SATAN: Hillary, thank you for this prize you have claimed for me.
HILLARY CLINTON: You are welcome my Master
SATAN: I am most pleased when you bring me Christian souls. I shall feast on his flesh and then torture him for eternity.
HILLARY CLINTON: Yes Master, as you will!
SATAN: Hillary, Because you have served me well, I have given you great rewards, forbidden powers and success beyond your wildest dreams. The wealth and influence you have now will be as nothing compared to the riches I will shower upon you if continue to serve me.
HILLARY CLINTON: How may I serve you Master?
SATAN: Do exactly what you are doing: keep secularizing America, keep fighting for abortion and terrorism and I shall reward you with the Presidency.
MAN: But Jesus will never let you win
SATAN: (more sinister laughter) Foolish mortal, my liberal media minions have already corrupted the nation. You conservatives will never defeat Hillary Clinton. Your Jesus has Lost. America is MINE!
HILLARY CLINTON: (cackles)… Losers!
SATAN: Sinner, your time is over, your soul belongs to me now!
ANGEL:: Yes, it is time for you to go. Do you have any last words before I release you to the prince of Hell?
MAN: (hysterical) Oh Jesus, Oh God, I wish I’d never been fooled by those evil democrats… oh how I wish I could repent. Please, God, Jesus save me. I repent of my sins… I repent… Oh woe is me, How could I have voted for Hillary… Hillary… Hillary… (far-out exho fx)
[ SFX: echos subside, we are no longer in heaven but a busy public space, actually a voting station. We can hear concerned chatter in the background. ]
MAN: (softly) Hillary, Hillary, Hillary …
DAUGHTER: Dad!… Dad!
GRANDSON: It’s okay mom, he’s waking up…
DAUGHTER: Dad, you’re alive
GRANDSON: You passed out in the voting booth, we thought you were a gonner.
DAUGHTER: I thought it was a heart attack! We prayed for you.
MAN: I thaught I’d died…
GRANDSON: Not today Gramps!
MAN: Jesus has given me a second chance…
DAUGHTER: A second chance?
MAN: To vote! Yes, to vote Republican!
DAUGHTER: But you always voted Democrat… I heard you call out Hillary Clinton’s name in your sleep!
MAN: No, I’m a Republican now. I’m never going to vote Democrat again and nor will you if you want to avoid going to Hell.
GRANDSON: We never liked the Democrats anyway.
MAN: Is this voting station still open?
GRANDSON: Yes, and you haven’t cast your vote yet.
MAN: Thanks boy! I’m going to vote Republican if it’s the LAST thing I do.
ALL: Praise Jesus!
32 Comments so far
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Tristan, I don’t think I exaggerate when I say that this is a masterpiece. I can imagine how the Liberals quake when they read it… both because of the strength of the message and because of the way it triumphs over their “champion” that disgusting foul-mouthed Limey Shakespeare (By the way! I’m going to write aboout him soon. I’m disgusted that filth like that is being foisted on our children!).
How do I vote on the Nobel Prize for literature? Just asking!
Oooh quaking in my boots!!
That?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s so hillarious! I want to see that on stage!
Great play, congratulation! But I do not believe that Jesus would ever give anyone a second chance who voted (or intended to vote) for a stinky democrat.
WOW!!! Like Noel Coward and Oscar Wilde rolled into one!! I’m impressed Tristan.
Lol, that was hillarious. I agree with th3ch3, I’m sure this will become one of the classic comedy scetches of our time… If only Monty Python were still around…
Tristan, my compliments. I don’t want to judge the content, but at least it is a drama (classic sense.. ;) ). Good structure! I suggest locking you inside a room until the whole epos is done!
Sam:
“How do I vote on the Nobel Prize for literature? Just asking!” Go study linguistics or language (please notice, that would be the English language in you case), write a dissertation and then a habilitation. Once you are professor of linguistics ot literature, you’re allowed to propose a play to the board :)
Just answering!
Another finely crafted nail in the liebral coffin - I squealed with glee as I read it. Well done.
Just one small thing - when the characters refer to God as ‘he’ or ‘him’ it should be capitalised (ie., ‘He’, ‘Him’), as God is the greatest name of all.
Thanks again!
Heaven is mainly populated with americans?
Man, the angels must have been bored, waiting 1500 years for people to come…
Ahhh! I’ve gone blind from the picture of that ugly b**h hillary.
Voted for Hilary in 2007? Wow that just goes to show how dim-witted people can be. The next election is on ‘08 moron! You can’t vote in ‘07!
Yeah, who in their right mind would want to go to heaven if it’s populated by americans…
this…is..the…abolutely worst dialogue I’ve ever came across, and I’ver read a lot of literature.
Seriously, do us a favour and stick to the normal redneck parody, this isnt even funny anymore, just time-consuming waste.
Ahhh! I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ve gone blind from the picture of that ugly b**h hillary.
Not just ugly, but evil and an enemy of America. Have you finally renounced your crazy liberal ways Red-Flag?
WOW!!! Like Noel Coward and Oscar Wilde rolled into one!! I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥m impressed Tristan.
At first I figured this was a compliment until I read that both of those writers were homosexuals and convicted fellons, not to mention English. I wouldnt want anything to do with those eliteist liberals, whoever they are.
Lol, that was hillarious. I agree with th3ch3, I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥m sure this will become one of the classic comedy scetches of our time?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?Ǭ? If only Monty Python were still around?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?Ǭ?
Idiot. It’s not a comedy sketch, it’s a sobering cautionary tale about the danger of voting for the party of evil. Do you liberals have to laugh at everything?
Wow… what a play… I’m a liberal, and I found myself shaking as I read it…
The title is reminiscent of the play Death of a Salesman and I also noticed some other similarities too (Tristan is Arthur Miller a hero of yours? - c’mon don’t be shy). For those unfamiliar with the work it’s a joyous celebration of a strong, Christian family living the American Dream. Will STR join me in celebrating the life of America’s greatest playwright and personal friend of Republican Senator Joe McCarthy?
surely this will become part of the literature canon in no time! Btw Sam, I’m so looking forward to your article about good old Willy. *g*
“”Not just ugly, but evil and an enemy of America. Have you finally renounced your crazy liberal ways Red-Flag?”"
I am incapable of renouncing ways that which I do not have.
No good angel in heaven would release a soul to the devil.
Incredible ! You’re so crazy! Look Hilary has got horn! Poor guy! Why is democrate party the party of evil ? huh ? Because your moron president has got decided it. Distressing !
Now things is I’m a Dane, I don’t know if the danes are speciel doomed or anything.
But I liked that you wrote a article about the reason for all your hate to the difference of mankind.
I am a Christian myself, and I have never heard that it’s a mortal right to judge a political party.
You define yourself as a man of god and a man who can judge one from another to hell.
You condamn various persons for being voting for the evil itself without knowing of what you are speaking.
From the positions you take I would say you were a jew, not christian, and that you found your point of views in the old testament (like jews) and not in the new testement.
If you knew your bibel lecture you would know God is mercyfull, not filled with hatred and anger, and the angel you describe is more like a mortal without anything but smog in his heart, than a creation of God.
I look foreward to an answer…
Best regards Buur.
I think you find Oscar Wilde was Irish. As ever, Tristan, you have a problem with facts, let alone the English language.
…I thought you have a big problem with ‘ad hominem’ (feminam in this case) remarks? Or is that only when someone else does it?
Of course, this is all une blague, n’est-ce pas? You protest you are serious, but obviously you are not. Still, sometimes you amuse me.
jajaja well this is article ok,
but the bible don?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t say anything about americans or Republicans, what if gob really hate all the republicans, how you can be sure if the bible don’t say anything. or if i’m wrong please tell in what part say that “Americans are his chosen people”
congratulations now you are so smart as a rock;
That play was fucking hilarious.
Death of a Democrat
by Tristan J. Shuddery (Playwright)
Playwright. huh? Might want to check your spelling on that one. If you’re claiming to be something, at least spell it right. Since i hear that the Christian church banned dictionaries since they have bad words in them, I’ll just let you know how to spell it. It’s spelled, playwrite. You know, like someone who WRITES plays, you can’t “wright” anything. Just another clever top from another clever libral. ELITE and proud of it!!!
Do you liberals have to laugh at everything?
….
Everything we find funny, yes.
Incidentally, whilst God was butchering the spirit of that poor Democrat, 70 million other people voted for Hillary Clinton.
Quite frankly, I’d be happy seeing any woman get into The White House. It’s been a long time coming and the fact that she’s a Democrat only makes me happier.
Stu d’Apples wrote: “WOW!!! Like Noel Coward and Oscar Wilde rolled into one!! I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥m impressed Tristan.”
Tristan wrote: “At first I figured this was a compliment until I read that both of those writers were homosexuals and convicted fellons, not to mention English. I wouldnt want anything to do with those eliteist liberals, whoever they are.”
I’m even more impressed now Tristan. You knew who they were. How about Ian McKellen in the lead role as the Angel?
@Buur
Nice to see a fellow Dane in here :o)
Hvor bor du?
Buur I am european too, I am italian, I live in a free world and now I think that Americans are too stupid for reading bible. they never read it and they pretend to know it. They don’t know who is God, Jesus…I’ve tried to explain them that God is love, not death…but their stupid president says the opposite and we can do nothing. there is no way for a man who doesn’t accept reality.
Let’s say something about what you write: it is the proof that the real enemy of americans are the americans. they have to control everything, they think are God, they decide who is a sinner and who is not…but I’ve read the bible, I’ve never read something that gives to you the authority to decide who is a sinner…oh, what are you saying? is my bible wrong? ok, no problem. for you the only thing right is your president’s opinion. I never heard about an angel who doesn’t forgive a sinner, It’s a strange angel…it seems a devil…the only devil for me is your stupid president. he controls your minds and you are proud of it. God bless real Christians.
@The Truth: Playwright is a legitimate word.
According to the Online Encyclopedia of Liberal Lies, at least.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playwright
Wow, quite good on the story actually. Although quite unbelievable and you should try to not make stupid errors. (Election in 2007? What?) Oh, and of course a lot of rascism. But I?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m used of it, you?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re always like that.
Oh, and get a dictionary. You could just blank out all the dirty words. =)
Oh, and Hillary Clinton is not for terrorism. Being that would ruin her career.
The German Guy
This article is officialy hilarious!
IMPEACH BUSH!
You are a dork. Pathetic.