Introducing Lance Duval: A man you should never trust.
Liberals like to pretend that we Republicans don’t believe in freedom of speech. That’s just not true. We don’t believe in blasphemy, nor insulting our leader in a time of war, not relying on so-called facts instead of the true-truth that was handed down to us by God via His son Jesus Christ. Nor the kind of pernicious dissent that undermines our security in this time of war and gives hope to our enemies the Muslims.
We do, however, cherish the values of reasonable free speaking and healthy Christian-based debate handed down to us by the founding fathers. That’s why today, I’m happy to say that we’re handing over the site to a whiny liberal enemy of America so he can tell lies and put forward his wrong headed crazy views and you can all see what kind of people Democrat voters really are.
He’s a young sodomite called Lance Duval, who has been plaguing the good Christians at STR.com with insults and challenges for the last month or so now. So, Lance, here’s your big chance!
Christians beware
Many of Lance’s views are deeply offensive and you may want to exercise caution and discression and certainly have a prayer before reading them.
And when you do read Lance’s words, please remember that he represents all Liberals everywhere - and his is the Democrat agenda. A vote for the DemocRATs is a vote for Lance! And it’s a vote against God!
God Bless You All (nearly all of you, anyway!)
Sam Johnston
Hello there,
Why can’t we all just love each other? Why don?t we love terrorists? Their hearts cry out in so much pain every day. That’s why they do such sad things, I think.
They have mothers too you know!
Why does George Bush bully terrorists so? Why does he hate them and persecute them?
I hate him you know! I hate Our President and I don’t care if I’m undermining America in a time of war and giving succor to terrorists as a result! None of us liberals do! Who cares about America really? Or freedom? They’re just useless words!
Osama Bin Laden. A wonderful man, who has been sadly misunderstood. And Look! Here he is engaging with the democracy process. He gets my vote!
Anyway, I guess I’m not really writing in a straight line today. I guess that’s because I smoked so much weed this afternoon. Hahahaha. Gosh I’ve got munchies actually. Hahaha. I’ll just pop off to get some of my (organic, fair trade) fruit. You lovely people just wait there?
?Now, where was I? Oh yes. [sniggers]
Okay? I better stick to the topic or that crazy old Sam Johnston will get riled with me and Shelley will be upset too. (Wow. She?s so pretty I think I?ll try to make myself look like her when I do my next drag show. Maybe she?ll give me some of her panties to wear! Shelley, honey? Waddaya think, Miss Thang?)
The topic today is reducing crime. But before I get to it, let me just add a note about the recent election:
YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
We crushed you republicunts. We crushed you! We destroyed the agenda of Jesus and voted in mass against God. Hurray for America! Finally we can start to change things! Finally I’m going to get waht I want!
Now, crime. Republicans always claim that they are the party that understand how to deal with criminals, but that’s just not true. I mean punishment never did anyone any good now did it? I mean look at all the people that there are in prison! And prison never stopped anyone from committing crime did it? Of course not. It’s so basic!
The trouble is that Republicans just aren’t radical enough like we Democrats. We’re totally rad man. And gnarly too. And check this out for a rad way of reducing crime:
Legalize everything!
Oh man this is a cool picture! We liberals love this kind of thing!
Now, listen to this for logic. If you legalize everything see, then nothing is a crime? ergo no criminals! It’s so simple! Why don’t republicans understand such things?
It’s so basic! If you don’t penalize people for things (that they only do out of desperation after all, probably because they’re a persecuted minority) like murder, you’d solve so many problems. You’d stop the poor underclass of killers feeling hunted all the time for a start. You wouldn’t need to spend money on the police, so you could spend it on public schools and educating people about evolution instead. Plus, you wouldn’t need prisons so you could use those as houses for homeless people!
Basic people! Basic!
I just can’t wait until Congress puts this no crime agenda into process. We’ll crush George Bush too if he tries to use that pesky veto.
Prisons should be more like hotels and as pretty as this one. And not prisons at all, because laws never helped anyone!
Great ideas in this article, huh? That’s just the start of the kind of rad thinking I’m going to be assaulting your brains with over the next few weeks. And which the Democratic party will be launching on the nation come January!
As soon as I’ve worked up courage to talk to Billy Bob Neck I’m even going to rig me up a podcasting system so I can take on these Christian Republicans on their own territory. (Did I tell you I’m an atheist by the way? I mean! God? Don’t make me laugh!)
Oh, and by the way, when things get legalized, we should especially legalize the sacred herb of Jah rastafari. I think you know what I mean! I mean da weed. We got get chronic into the shops man! Oh yeah. Do you know that Marlboro have already bought the rights to the word “joint” for when the government and the system finally legalize jah ganja? Crazy!! Makes you think doesn’t it?
Bob Marley rulez!
Gnarly dudes!
Laters,
Lance Duval
Images: Legalize poster thanks to: http://www.cannabislandia.com/item/department/100/item/483
P.S. Don’t forget to read my blog. It’s awesome!
37 Comments so far
Leave a reply
Lance, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I don’t know how you can admit to such naked atheism and drug taking in a public forum. Don’t count on writing for STR.com again too soon - as soon as I get your address details I’m getting the police to go and arrest you right away. Unless, of course, you stop all that drug taking and come back to Jesus!
And as for your opinions. they’re too wackadoodle to even engage with. Are all liberals as stupid as you? (Answer: Yes!)
I think Lance is some kind of fake. No one on this planet can be a radical scumbag like this. It?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s just ridiculous. He?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s most probably satire. And if he were real, he?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s not quite the typical liberal. He?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s way too dumb.
You know, most liberals are against drugs, against terrorism (only the methods to get the terrorists are others) and so on. They?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re more middle ground than Lance. Lance is more of a commie or an anarchist. Oh, and most dems believe in god,t oo. And they think that they do the right thing and don?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t work against god. Go figure.
as soon as I get your address details I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥m getting the police to go and arrest you right away.
Are all liberals as stupid as you? (Answer: Yes!)
Are all Republicans like Tom Delay? (Answer: Yes!)
See the difference. Hypocrisy is such a sweet thing, you know.
PS: Hey Sam, wheres your Unit? I?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m still waiting for a good fight. (As if they would put up one! LOL!)
The German Guy
Just shut the fuck up, Lance!
IMPEAH BUSH!
I think Lance is Shelley’s real inner self.
Or not, What am I saying?
Shelley… you’re poor, faking a blog of a liberal… that’s just mentally disabled oO
Are all Republicans like Rush Limbough, a nazi? Well, I don’t think so, but every member of STR.com defenitly is.
PS: Billy Bob Neck, please stop spitting in your videos, thats awful :O
Proud German, you hit the nail on the head. Right on the fucking head. Lance is promoting anarchism, not democracy. It is therefore completely illogical for him to be a democrat instead of an anarchist. Of course, his idea of giving somewhere for the homeless is the only one in the rant (possibly made by Sam while he was high on inscense?) that made any sense, and that liberals and democrats would agree with.
Fuck you, STR.com
IMPEACH BUSH!
This is the funniest site EVAH!! Shelly, you are bannnakookoo!!! HAHAHAHA.
This is the funniest site EVAH!!! HAHAHA!! Shelly, you are banannas Koo Koo!!! This site is the best reason to arrest Bush, put republicans in concentration camps, and outlaw religion!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
I have made the last purchase I will ever make at Wal-Mart. From now on I will never make a purchase from that evil corporation again.
Is it just me or does the form of Lance’s writing closely looks like other articles on this site, just with the opposite ideas ?
Since we all know the str team members are liars (see the “Victory” article episode), I bet this is a disguised article from member of the team.
Lance isn’t a Democrat! He’s a lie!!!!
Can you explain the logic behind this statement, please? It is the same as saying you represent all Republicans, which you clearly don’t, as you often have dissenting voices posting.
Like Proud German, I am still awaiting the call from the Unit, Sam, and Tristan has not yet replied to my heartfelt offer to lecture to my students at the university here.
Lying is a sin, sinners :)
1) god is looking at you, so you’ll go to hell
2) we could sue you for that
The Devil has deleted my entry again, BAD DEVIL!!
Ok, what I wanted to say: Lance is a very typical democrat. What they call “thinking” is for a Christian nothing but blasphemy.
Excuse me doubters. Lance is the real deal.
It was in fact he who started harrassing we Christians at Shelley The Republican… All we did was provide him an outlet, in the interests of freedom and to show to our readers what liberals really think.
He has been blogging for a number of months independently of us.
And yes, he’s disgusting, but that’s democracy! Personally, I love our freedom!
how can i talk to him? does he has an mail, or a website?
lying is a sin
He has a website… of a sort…
http://www.lanceduval.blogspot.com
I will ask him about publishing his email.
Why are you so annoyed “annoying”? Can you not stand your picture in the mirror? Stop taking drugs and become a republican, and you won’t be annoyed anymore by liberals!
For somebody who tells to know about politics, you mix up a lot the “liberalism” concept and the “anarchy” concept, which have nothing to do with each other.
Next time you invent someone you interview, please check this kind of things before.
I’m sorry to say that Lance is real. I had the great misfortune of meeting him. He kept trying to hug me and smelled like marihuana. I wanna go on record saying that I opposed allowing Lance to spread his lies on this site, but this is a democracy, not some dictatorship so I got voted down.
Our friend BBN is a bit embarrassed about this - being a modest kinda every day guy, and I’ve got to say I’m slightly afraid that Liberal Haters will try to scream down his most deeply personally felt feelings… but even so I just had to share this with you. It’s so strong with with the LORD and sums up what I’ve been thinking about the bad messages we’ve been getting too:
“Sweet Jesus
Open your heavenly arms
And protect from those who would spread lies about our sincerity
Help them to see that we do only what You ask
And do it in Your name
And the name of Your Daddy
We know that You have called us to a higher purpose
And that our detractors ain?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t fit
To clean the outhouses of Hell”
Amen BBN! Amen!
worst job *ever* at making a made up character to seem real.
makes great comedy, though
Hey, do you all see what i see?
He uses the same language, like in all other articles on this speech…
i don’t think that he is real!
mfg another proud german
“I had the great misfortune of meeting him. He kept trying to hug me and smelled like marihuana.”
say Billy Bob, how do you know what marihuana smells like?
if lance really exists, he’s as narrow minded and immature as you. this text is as full of s*** as many of yours.
Your problem is that if you start spreading lies about something (i.e. linux), how do you want anyone to believe anything that you said. When a “yurpen”, as you call us, see that you think that 49% of us had gay sex, we can’t believe you anymore. BTW, gay’s marriages are illegal in france.
@swip
I am annoying, not annoyed, and i’ve never took any drugs except marijuana.
“i?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ve never took any drugs except marijuana.”
This is one of the worst drugs that exists. People who smoke pot have a smaller brain. Even the gay liberal Wiki-pipi-edia admits that. Just look how underdevelopped Jamaika is for instance!
@Swip
you shouldn’t talk about things you don’t know. But that’s not the biggest problem.
could you try to speak without insulting everyone. I don’t want to be rude to you, but it’s quite hard.
if you want to insult me, here is my mail “fontam free fr”. I would be please to talk to you “face to face”.
instead of just saying that marijuana is the worst drugs, give your source
h???
Pot is not marijuana^^
but marijuana is the most harmles drug in the world!
There are more people that were killed by alcohol than by weed (another word for marijuana)!
mhhh.. surprise surprise^^
@annoying, don’t take him serious^^
greetz from good old germany
hey! I’m real. Gosh! Why all the hate?
What about peace and love?
And weeed is healthy. what’s all this crazy talk?
Please note that the blog http://lanceduval.blogspot.com/ dates first post to 26th october 2006. So he was blogging for months, did he ?
Listen Haplo.
Jesus spent 40 days in the Wilderness for you. He died on a cross for you. He washed feet for you.
And yet you deny His truth and His servants?
Shame on you!
Shame!
Sam, how does your reply relate to my post ? I can also put in incoherent comments about anything I fancy as funny ….
hi there
greetings from germany
so much for the politeness
..
there are some thing i thought about..
how could anyone be so free of selfdoubt that he doesn’t
try to take a look at what’s beyond the thing he adheres to
how could you possibly believe in something that has been passed through so many diffent thinking hands
, been translated so many times, used for the justification of violence, mutulation, torture
and segregation of others?
how could you believe something that has been
used to empower some ill-headed over those that are worth the same (actually the “book of books” says that itself)?
how could you trust over a million heads that try to improve their situation by writing something of common sense?
nietzsche needed to get insane to get away from religion
how far would you go?
Lance,who wants to legalize everything,including murder,is a “typical” Democrat? The Democratic Party is the party of big government & has been since FDR! They want MORE laws! “Hate speech” laws,gun laws,etc. If Lance actually exists, he seems to be a nihilist(belief in nothing,tear everything down,every man for himself)! I think,more than likely, he’s a fictional product of Shelley’s warped imagination! She’s offering up fantasies for Republican morons of Democrat bogeymen who could never have any basis in reality!
Da fuck does it matter if lance is real or shelleys warped were all warped in sum way! Im an anarchist fuck da government legalize weed as far as da rest there should b laws
hahahahahaha