When will we digitally disarm the terrorists?
Digital cameras: Are they harmless toys for eliteist liberals, or an unregulated tool for terrorists, lawbreakers and sexual deviants hell-bent on undermining America’s conservative values, morality and traditions?
Digital cameras are affordable, ubiquitous and now can take photos in sharp details and with accurate colors, but has this technology been taken too far? Does this “harmless” technology now pose a threat to our government buildings, employees and our leading statesmen?
Why do liberals even need digital cameras? These foreign-made devices often cost in excess of $2000, and contain features superior to high-end Soviet-era spy-cameras. Are liberals using this technology to glorify the family, or document their church and sporting activities? As you might expect, liberals would not expend so much money on such harmless pursuits : Most liberal photographers have amassed vast collections of pornography, and worse child pornography. The majority of liberals who own expensive digital cameras are members of “kiddie-porn clubs”.
This “child-pornography kit” has been assembled from components available in any American mall. Costing well over $2000, these foreign-made devices will be put to work undermining our cherished American values by perpetrating unspeakable abuses against your children.
We parents should ask ourselves how we feel knowing that our daughters are being constantly subject to the merciless glare of the digital camera lens. Our daughters are being lured into sexual encounters with freelance pornographers. Statistics show that there is a greater then 75% chance that these coercive sexual acts will be broadcast on the Internet within days. Foreign pedophiles will be committing onanism over images of young Americans all over the world? Is there nothing we can do to keep our daughters safe from these aggressive foreign perverts?
Most parents will be outraged when they learn that pedophiles can easily come along and film their children at play and post their images all over the world wide web of deceit. Japanese-made digital cameras are trained on every swimming pool and sports field in the country, and recent scientific research has shown that they have the capability to secretly broadcast footage of our children back to that Far Eastern pederast’s paradise where men buy used knickers from vending machines? Why are liberal pornographers given the freedom to abuse our daughters?
If only this were the limit to the threat that these out of control technologies pose we could contain the problem, unfortunately this digital technology has found it’s way into the hands of every al-queda operative that the Democrats invited into America. These evil islamofascists have been ordered to photograph government employees and buildings. They are building a dossier on every single American Christian, so that when the tribulations start they can have their revenge on us.
An innocent snapshot or a secret reconnaissance mission? This photographer was caught and interrogated by the FBI. Since this kind of photography is not technically illegal they were forced to release him after only an hour. Soon Al-Queda will buy him a replacement camera and he will return to his intelligence gathering operations.
The innocent looking man taking zoom-lens photos of the White house may be plotting to kill the President. Unlike film-based photography, there is no way for government agents to scrutinize the photos - they are sent by the Internet directly to an Al-Queda intelligence bunker where Osama Bin Laden personally plots the downfall of all we hold dear.
Hard working police officers have found themselves hounded by camera wielding liberals intent on disrupting their peace-keeping activities. There are few police officers who have not been threatened by liberal activists who claim to have gathered “evidence of “unfairness” or “brutality”. Why do we allow liberals to persecute the brave men and women who do the best to protect America from the forces of terrorism and communism? Who will save our fighting men from the liberals armed with cameras and hate for America?
This foreign-made camera is one of Osama’s eyes in America. The evil islamofascist leader is collecting images of your family for his evil dossier.
Worse still, this technology is being used to undermine American business. Digital cameras can be used to photograph copyrighted buildings or take videos of movies in theaters. American made movies often appear as “cams”, low quality digital clones available at a fraction of the price. Anybody who visits the bazaars of Syria and Iran will see a brisk trade in pirated American movies.
According to research by the RIAA, profit from the sale of these counterfeit movies goes to buy assault rifles for Al-Queda. Would this have been possible without digital cameras? Of course not. So lets find a solution to the digital photography problem.
Of course, used responsibly this digital technology can be a force for good, and not evil. Digital cameras have long been used by the government to prevent crime. These cameras keep us safe from terrorists and murderers. Why could anybody but an insane liberal complain when the government uses safety cameras to keep us all safe? Unfortunately, there is a dangerous shortage of security cameras in American towns and cities. New York, for example has a small fraction of the number of security cameras as our allies in the war on Terror, London.
A “C-Zone” camera from London, England. Thousands of these sentinels form an impenetrable anti-terrorist ring around London. Why are we allowing the English to beat us in the total information awareness race?
Americans are starting to realize the risks of this new technology: It’s time to act. We at STR.com believe that this potentially harmful technology should be registered and only allowed into the hands of those who can use it responsibly. We do not endorse banning these devices, we only need to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands. Camera ownership is not constitutionally protected right. We do not object to law-abiding citizens owning cameras, but what good can it do to allow foreigners, drug-users and atheists access to potentially harmful technology?
If we do not act today, the next “clicks” you hear will be the bullets that kill your wife and children.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
40 Comments so far
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so you prepose som kind of licens for owning a camera. Just lik some liberals whant for guns. The ide is nice but it will be extremly hard to enforce a lav like that. But this technology gives the police an exelent tool to fight terrorists. A camera in every home and every streat will stop lotts of terrorist acts.
He he he, this one is realy funny :-D
I personaly own a good camera and a great quality zoom lens. They both come directly from Japon !
It is a pleasure to me to shot nice photos with this. And believe it or not, I am not a terrorist ! What a surpise !
What about Google Earth ? Lets look at those pictures :
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=white+house&sll=37.09024,-93.251953&sspn=42.901912,72.070313&ie=UTF8&z=18&ll=38.897554,-77.036133&spn=0.002584,0.004399&t=k&om=1
Yes, this is the white house. And the zoom is not at its maximum !
You could be able to count the cars on the street.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=Iowa&ie=UTF8&z=14&ll=41.592145,-93.615189&spn=0.039735,0.098534&t=k&om=1
Yep, this one is Iowa …
Oh, yes, i forgot google was evil.
What if I tell you microsoft has put a copy of this service online (of course few months after google, the time to make the copy) ?
Having seen this, don’t you think trying to contr??Ǭ•le simple cameras is silly ?
Of course, bad things could be achived using cameras, but in this logic, since you could drown someone in his bathroom, it would be safer to forbid water at home …
What a lovely post, Tristan!
Did you know - just by the way - that with a analog camera, you can take ten times more detailed pictures, compared to a non-pro dSLR?
However, I’ll continue to take pictures,
Cheers
@ Tristan
The majority of liberals who own expensive digital cameras are members of ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?kiddie-porn clubs?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?.
What a bunch of crap, There is obviously no limit to Republican paranoia. Atless you ( For once ) come up with some real facts on this, you have once again proven to us what a big lier you are.
As i wrote yesterday, Republicans have more skelletons in the closet compared to Democrats….
Don?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t abuse the name of the Lord,… so stop calling yourself a Christian….you?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re a Scizoprenic, Paranoid lier… Nothing more….
I wonder why the Metro-bombers in London were able to do their evil deeds despite those anti-terrorist-ring set up xD
Tristan, your technical knowledge is just breathtaking. I wish more liberal scientists could be like you - grounded in hard facts and taking wisdom from the Bible rather than warping reality to disprove God’s word.
And what a great example you set in suggesting a solution right after you highlight the problem. How different from the liberal whingers. And how right you are! It is time to act! I for one will be treating every camera wielding maniac as suspect until they can prove themselves otherwise. If we don’t protect ourselves, how can we expect America to protect us???!!!!
So in your ideal world:
- People who disagree with the Republican Party are killed instantly.
- There are government cameras in every home and on every corner.
- America has total control of its allies.
- All the other countries are rained down upon by missiles and atomic weapons.
- All crimes are dealt with by an oppressive police force that can see into your mind.
That’s funny, I could’ve sworn I read a book about something like this.
This article is really funny.
Tristan, in your mind, anybody could buy a gun (you just have to say “I am sane and I am not a terrorist), but there should be a legislation about the right to own a camera, isn’t it ?
So if I understand, according to you, camera are more harmful than guns ?
(And please no “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people”, because “cameras don’t take photographs, people take photograph”)
That is just the kind of common sense I’ve come to expect from this great Christian Republican web site! God bless you for continuing to educate us on the great dangers facing us in this time of liberal domination of our lifestyle. I’ve long thought that digital cameras were the work of the Devil and are primarily used to photograph people without clothes on and performing acts that should only be performed by married couples in total darkness. That they are used mostly by pedophiles, terrorists and liberals (all pretty much the same thing by the way!) shouldn’t surprise me too much I suppose.
I had previously advocated digital cameras being totally banned along with pornography and masturbation devices but your idea about registering them makes much more sense. We need our guns and I definitely don’t support gun registration or any restrictions on our guns but there is no way we need those silly digital cameras unless they are needed for anti-terrorist work or Church related activities. Okay you can take pictures of your kids as long as they are fully dressed. If these liberals, terrorists and pedophiles want to take pictures let them get a Kodak box camera like I have. That way the people who work in the drug store photo labs will be able to confiscate any suspicious pictures that look like terrorist surveilance or people naked or engaged in immoral sex acts and the terrorists and perverted liberals will be brought to justice. Thanks again for your usual rational approach to another serious problem facing this great country of ours. God bless all on this great website and God bless America!
Tristan, you rock =D !!!!!!! ( really! )
Greetings
Reclaimer
hahaha i’ve read the introductering of the aricle and i’ve known, it only can be tristan^^
paranoid till the end^^
http://maps.google.fr/maps?f=q&hl=fr&q=1199+N+Governor+St,+Iowa+City,+IA+52245,+USA&ie=UTF8&z=17&ll=41.668288,-91.524804&spn=0.005426,0.013561&t=h&om=1
this is where you live, shelley
http://maps.google.fr/maps?f=q&hl=fr&q=185+rue+st+jean+caen&sll=41.668288,-91.524804&sspn=0.005426,0.013561&ie=UTF8&z=18&ll=49.178021,-0.356498&spn=0.002374,0.006781&t=h&om=1
this is where i live
(just for fun)
@Tristan….My God, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse you can actually take a sensible household item and demolish it into fragments by talking utter shit about it’s ‘ulterior’ uses. You really do need to wake up and smell the coffee my friend, and stop taking those drugs. They are seriously screwing with you head.
http://flickr.com/photos/coletakespictures/
http://picasaweb.google.com/cbart7
Careful, these are pictures taken by a libral(me) with a digital camera. I just wanted to show how dangerous a libral can be with a digital camera. I bet those photos are in the hand of Al Queda now. It’s only a mtter of time until all the photo subjects are assassinated by Osama himself. Stupid libral photographers.
Digital or not, if terorrists want to take photos, they will. Trusting your photo developping services to intercept evil photos will do no good because, you know, some people know how to develop argentic photos themselves. Unbelievable, heh? So we should propbably suppress photographies. And cameras, too, because they serve the same purpose. Then audio recording devices, ’cause terrorists should use them to record infos they have on potential targets. Oh and the planes, we should not let them fly, terrorists use them to fly into building! And the subways, they are also frequent targets, let’s suppress them too. There are also trapped cars, so they should be removed. And are you aware of what kind of pollution sinking boats leads? They are too much of a treat in case of a terrorist attack! We should only move with totally terrorist-proof means of locomotion: bikes, rollers (but aren’t they widelly used by liberals?) and horses. And to keep memories from precious moments and persons, what would be better than painting? It would be way better than soulless photographies anyway, and that would add an artistic dimension to our everyday life…
sorry, I got a bit carried away following STR thread of thoughts.
BTW Tristan, where is the dear dear lady we call Shelley? Is she in jail because of this website and left you in charge? Do tell, do tell……..I am really worried for her
@annoying thing:
I’ve been right there this august :-) beautiful area, the Normandie.
btw, I live here:
http://maps.google.de/maps?f=q&hl=de&q=&ie=UTF8&om=1&z=19&ll=46.929268,7.430046&spn=0.001262,0.002489&t=h
Others have already pointed out the nonsense you write. I add one thing, the UK cameras are for Congestion Zone charging in London, ie traffic control, not terrorist control. As always, your ‘facts’ are ill-chosen.
I ask you before Tristan, with your great knowledge of IT and technology, please come to lecture one of my classes here in France. All my students read your posts and would be highly amused to meet you.
Oh No! I took pictures of my beloved cat with my 3.2 Megapixel digital camera… now she’ll die for sure.
Bravo, Tristan.
I’m just speechless. The misguided stupidity is just astounding. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
Every day I pray to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that this website is a joke. If it isn’t, you’re the ones going to hell.
Swissarmyknife,
cool, cheers out to Ch??Ǭ?niz ;) Didn’t know, that there is anther B??Ǭßrner here :)
Tristan,you’re as loony as liberals you get so worked up about on this website! Forcing the law abiding to register inanimate objects because criminals might do something bad with those things! Do you propose registration of Polaroid One Step instant cameras & film too? Child pornographers & Al CIAda bogeymen can build a darkroom & develop their film! What about registering VHS camcorders? Are you so paranoid of hobgoblins real or imaginary that you want government micro-managing our lives to make us “safe”? By all means, make sure Big Brother can watch us with spy cameras everywhere while we’re prevented from watchng the watchers & holding them accountable for brutality or corruption! If you love living in a police state so much, why don’t you move to China?!
you kwon i think you got paranoia
look it:
“If we do not act today, the next ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?clicks?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ? you hear will be the bullets that kill your wife and children.”
now look, from wikipedia:
“Paranoia is an excessive anxiety or fear concerning one’s own well-being which is considered irrational and excessive, perhaps to the point of being a psychosis”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoia
“GOD MADE AMERICA KING OF THE WORLD! LIVE FREE OR DIE!” The phrase “Live free or die” was coined during the Revolutionary War when our Founding Fathers were rebelling against a “King” named George who was building a world empire! You want government to control what technology we’re allowed to have, spy on us & build an empire! Talk about Orwellian double-think!
You call yourself a conservative Christian? You’re a joke to real conservatives. Banning digital cameras won’t do any good. You need to instate your bans at the source of all the problems. CLOTHES.
Clothes are used to conceal terrorist weapons, disguise terrorists, child molesters, liberals and jews. Clothes have infidel propaganda written right on the front of them. Imagine if there were no clothes, were would the liberals hide their cameras?
I think perhaps us real Christian fundamentalists need to do a full audit of every single item a liberal, fag, jew, terrorist, Australian, democrat, buddhist, pod person, dyke, sodomite, masturbator, nigger, scientologist or optometrist may ever look at, touch, think about, jerk off over and ban them all.
Bravo!
Indeed, bravo. I have never, never ever heard more fallacious article. A textbook example of ’slippery slope’ fallacy.
You have my deepest sympathy since you sank even lower.
Slovak Guy
OMG you guys are really terrifying me!
I sincerely do hope this entire site is a joke, it entertained me for a time but it is now getting me sick!
You’re calling yourself christians, you’re talking about forguiveness and all those stuffs any atheist/agnostic/jew/muslim/… can do and at the same time wish death, pain and doom to the people who think different…
You’re making me want to puke, but freedom of speech worth it. I’m glad I live in the same not-perfect-but-still-nice country as anoying thing
OMG you guys are really terrifying me!
I sincerely do hope this entire site is a joke, it entertained me for a while but it is now getting me sick!
You’re calling yourself christians, you’re talking about forguiveness and all those stuffs any atheist/agnostic/jew/muslim/… can do and at the same time wish death, pain and doom to the people who think different…
You’re making me want to puke, but freedom of speech worth it.
Digital Cameras have one advatage: You don?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t have to get to a photoshop to get the images printed. You can do it at home. And they have better quality. About the Soviet-spy-cameras: Yeah, digital one could be better, but what is the most important thing on a spy-camera? Low size and a camo. Normal cameras have neither.
The majority of liberals who own expensive digital cameras are members of ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?kiddie-porn clubs?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?.
Source please.
And al-quaeda can just download pics of the White House, etc.. from the Internet. no need to send someone making a pic.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
OK, I’m convinced now.
I’ve been in doubt for quite some time, I’ll give you that much. Didn’t quite know if you were an idiot, or just kidding. The latter would also make you kind of an idiot, so I guess you’re an idiot (sorry, nothing personal, it’s pure logic!).
There’s no way in hell (pardon) that anyone could even think about writing this stuff, if not for satire or just plain entertainment for the masses. Although I have yet to see exactly for whom this ridicule is intended? You’ve certainly done a great job, though. Took me quite some time to really know how dumb you really are. And, just because I don’t think you’re being serious doesn’t mean that you’re not dumb.
GC
PS
Jesus Silva, aka Dida, is my favourite goal-keeper too! I have no idea why he loves me, though…
There’s an interesting article at http://www.libertyforall.net entitled LET’S CRIMINALIZE EVERYTHING. It’s about the absurd notion of banning inanimate objects to make us all “safe”. There are some other good articles from a Libertarian point of view.
I fear that this person’s reflections are serious,
but the paranoia and irony is too thick to take it seriously.
The mere fact that you posted a digital picture of a man taking a picture of the White House reveals the failed logic of this post.
However, if this was satire, it is a wonderful artistic statement of “Who is watching whom.” Is it those dang liberal terrorist running (the man in the red) or is it the paranoid conservatives (the real photographer)
I own a camera *shocking* and am a good friend of Bin Laden.
I love nothing more than to spend a weekend plotting against the beloved president by making him do explicit things with children in photo editing software.
Well… If this IS serious it’s at least disproved evolution theory over creationism… afterall, by rights This one should have “darwinated” a long time ago…
i am in the army and like to think that i fight for our freedom to do what we want within legal limits, things like gun control and not making me regester my camara and tell my child that she has to live in a communist still country that you want it to be, i have lost to many friends in places like iraq so that we can have or camaras and or FREE lives
“you kwon i think you got paranoia
look it:
??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®??ɬ¨If we do not act today, the next ??ÉÀú?Ǭ¨?ɬ??Ǭ¨?clicks??ÉÀú?Ǭ¨?ɬ??Ǭ¨? you hear will be the bullets that kill your wife and children.??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?Ǭ¨?ɬ?
now look, from wikipedia:
??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®??ɬ¨Paranoia is an excessive anxiety or fear concerning one??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äò?Ǭ¢s own well-being which is considered irrational and excessive, perhaps to the point of being a psychosis??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?Ǭ¨?ɬ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoia
”
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Ok, you hate Nazis right?
Then why does this sound like something the Nazis did in the 1930’s?
Because in fact, in the 1930’s Hitler banned all use of cameras inside his country.
Who sounds like a Nazi now?
You are all fu*@in crazy
So… when did they forget to keep the door to your cell locked at the asylum?
Dude, you need to get a life. I am a photographer with expensive camera equipment. That doesn’t make me a terrorist, nor a pedophile anymore than owning a Cadillac makes all Caddy owners pimps. It makes me a photographer. As to why I decided to spend a large sum of money on my hobby, well that’s MY business and all that you need to know is that it is not to do anything illegal.
Hey dummy… if Osama wanted pics of the white house, all he does is aim a few satellites in the right direction and they can tell you in perfect detail even the license plate numbers of any cars inside the compound. The US and other countries have been doing this for YEARS.. they sure don’t need someone with a camera kneeling down taking a few pictures from a useless angle when a satellite can do the job better.
I *sincerely* hope you seek professional medical assistance, because dude, you NEED it… badly.
I get enough harrasement from uninformed A-holes like you already. We don’t need to be uselessly scaring people with your BS.
And I thought the liberals were the paranoid ones. You show me that the two party system is broken and, needs to be reformed. Extremist like you are the only true terrorists there are. You want to abridge everyone elses freedoms. THe only place that a teerorist ever uses a camera is in TV show and movies. Never has there been so much as one photo found amoungst a terrorists possesions. And everyone with a Dslr is a child pornographer, please take your meds. Granted I may get some pics of underaged animals (being a noture shooter), you Hitler, Stalin and, Mao would all do well together, surpressing freedoms. I think your internet priviledges should be taken away. How do you like that?