Sunday Prayer - November 26 2006
Dear Lord
On this weekend of Thanksgiving, we at STR.com would like to say:
Thank you.Thank you LORD for sending your one son Jesus Christ.
Thank you for letting him die for our sins.
Thank you for your bounty on this day.
Thank you for the USA.
Thank you LORD.
Thank you for the Turkey that we ate.
It was delicious, LORD.
And LORD, can you tell us how the supporters of evolution think that they can explain Turkeys?
For, lo, is a bird so perfect for eating and useless for everything else.
How can they say that that isn’t part of a divine plan, LORD?
Why do you think that they insist on denying YOU?
But, thank you LORD for inventing Hell.
They’ll get their just reward then.
And that will be like all our Christmases come at once.
But that, as you know, LORD, is another subject.
Amen.
Sam Johnston
19 Comments so far
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Aw too bad, it started well until you had to go after evolutionists. You almost wished noone to die, it’s better.
About turkeys: they are not useless. Sure, today you see mostly fat, useless turkey but the wild ones are, in fact, very quick, agile and hard to catch.
Fun facts about turkeys: in case of absence of males amongst a turkey population, female turkeys can lay eggs that will hetch anyway, almost always male. It’s a very rare case of asexual reproduction amongst birds. (thank you God, for the turkey which show us that you don’t need a man and a woman to conceive, heh)
Did the Lord invent hell or did it already exist when He gave Satan reign over it? It isn’t stated in the Bible what the case is. I, for one, think the case is that it is already there. Why do you take pleasure in the downfall of others? Shouldn’t you, as Christians, bring these people up to your level rather than curse them for being at the level they are at?
Did you know that God probably doesn’t appreciate you spelling out Lord in ALL CAPS?
“How can they say that that isn?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t part of a divine plan, LORD?”
If they did say such a thing it would probably be by opening their mouths, engaging their vocal cords, and exhaling whilst moving their mouth to yield the appropriate sound.
Also, God would want you to do say your thanks by your own rule, that is to say, ON TIME (y’now, on Thanksgiving day!).
“And that will be like all our Christmases come at once.”
That sentence should read: “that will bring the joy of all Christmas days past and future”
All in all I think this is quite disrespectful of God, not just because it is plagued with errors but also because it shows just how far from the divine you really are.
Oh my god!
How dumb can you still get?
WAKE UP!
Hallelujah Brother Johnston! God bless you for that joyous prayer on this Sunday morning! I intend to copy that and recite it for my Sunday School class this morning. Some crazy Frenchman above said that turkeys are not useless because the wild ones are very quick, agile and hard to catch. So that makes them useful for anything except eating and maybe target shooting at when you can’t find any squirrels or cats? I just don’t get it but I don’t get what any of those commie influenced foreign devils are talking about and I doubt they do either. That Nazi guy from Germany never makes any sense either. The turkey that Mrs. Fernley cooked for Thanksgiving tasted mighty fine to me though. I feel sorrry (well not really I don’t) for all those p.c. weenie vegan commie nutcases (every one of them a liberal!) who eat tofu turkeys with veggie gravy on Thanksgiving. No wonder their brains are so rotted out! Any of those people ever ask me for that crap in my house and I will deck him! God bless this great meat, fish and foul eating country of ours! The foreign turkey and veggie lovers can kiss my… (sorry I can’t use that word on the Sabbath but you all know what I mean!). Again, a big Amen for that beautiful prayer Brother Johnston. God is love!
Thank you Jarvis, once again you are a source of great wisdom and calm, mature, simple faith. What an example you are! God is indeed love!
Amen.
God is love. This is why he chooses to send people to eternal damnation.
Friends,
I’m a big fat, fatty-fat-fat and I NEED MORE CHEESEBURGERS!!?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬† Please buy Farenheit 9/11 again.?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬† You don’t have to watch it, just buy it and throw it away if you want but my royalties are down?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬†and?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬†I NEED MORE CHEESEBURGERS.?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬† I’M STARVING!!?Ǭ¨?¢‚Ǩ¬† I have to eat as much as the population of Westlake, IL every day or I start to cry and think that nobody likes me.
Let’s all hate Amerikkka together and then you can take me out and buy me a WHOLE BUNCH OF CHEESEBURGERS!
Yours,
Michael Moore
http://www.michaelmoore.com
(I’m so fat that when I sit around talk about hating Amerikkka I really sit around talking about about hating Amerikkka)
The Pilgrims ate wild turkey & people hunt them to this day for food! Using cats(perhaps some child’s pet?)for target practice? What’s wrong with you? Cats catch mice so they’re useful around homes & farms! Tofu turkeys are bad for you but I wouldn’t beat someone up for asking for one! Do you beat people up for not eating red meat on friday(some Catholics still do that),not eating catfish or pork(Seventh Day Adventists)or keeping kosher(Jews)? Not everyone who eats different from you,looks different than you or believes politically or religiously differently from you is a P.C. liberal! I’m a Southerner(Unreconstructed Rebel),love country ham & I’m further to the Right than you because I want all welfare, including corporate welfare to be abolished & I believe in a very small,limited federal government! I want federal government out of religion,out of schools,out of marriage,out of the states(which should be like sovereign nations),out of our businesses & out of our lives in general! I’m one of those “isolationists” when it comes to foreign policy,believing in a defense of our national & state borders instead of being the world’s policeman! Let the rest of the world fight their own fights,become energy independent & self sufficient here! That’s what Confederate Rebels were fighting for,not to preserve the dying institution of slavery but to get big government out of everybody’s lives!
Haleyu . . . uh . . . Haileyou . . . er . . . Hahlei . . . dang.
. . . um . . .
. . . Amen!
So that makes them useful for anything except eating and maybe target shooting at when you can?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t find any squirrels or cats?
Cats aren’t for shooting at. They are perhaps one of the most useful house pets one can ever own. They are excellent for pest control, the initial string used to wire the Bering Straight was threaded by a cat. I even know two people who’s lives were saved by a cat… that cat was also defending a dog as well. Of all the pets you can own (aside from a pet rock maybe) the cat is also the easiest to take care of, unlike most animals they actually communicate their need to you and they take care of themselves most of the time lessening the burden on their owners.
Down South if we shoot a squirrel, we then clean it & cook it! I’ve ate barbecued squirrel or you can boil them up with dumplings! Jarvis must be a Yankee! Doesn’t even know wild turkeys & squirrels are edible!
Eating those squirrels must be what makes you so squirrely like all the rest of those liberals Mr. Ditto. You go ahead and eat your squirrels and dumblings and I’ll just keep blasting the little critters. Maybe you can invite Michael Moore over for dinner and he can feed you some bullshit (pardon my French) for dessert like he and Al Gore do for all the rest of you commies, liberals and nut cases! I should have known my mention of cats would bring out all the cat lovers, another bunch of p.c. weenie liberal sissies. As a proud member of the NRA my motto has always been “if it moves, shoot it!” Being a good Christian, I of course have to stop at human beings even if they are liberals. Just don’t mess with my dog Homer though! I got a shotgun and a shovel in my pickup and I know how to use them both! And I ain’t no yankee son. I was born and raised in the great state our president came from and I am damn (pardon my French again) proud of it! Now just shut up about those cats and squirrels will ya all? Jarvis Fernley has spoken!
Some crazy Frenchman above said that turkeys are not useless because the wild ones are very quick, agile and hard to catch. So that makes them useful for anything except eating and maybe target shooting at when you can?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t find any squirrels or cats?
Please, Jarvis, get some biology classes. Then we can continue about the topic.
That Nazi guy from Germany never makes any sense either.
Please, Jarvis, I?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m as much a nazi or commie as you are. Or even less. Period.
As a proud member of the NRA my motto has always been ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?if it moves, shoot it!?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?
Watch out Jarvis, it might just shoot back.
And Jarvis, saying pardon my french when you?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re not speaking french still sounds dumb.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
Oh go polish up your picture of Adolph you crazy Nazi guy. It’s not for you to say whether we impeach Bush of anyone else. Go scrub some of those swastikas off your buildings or something. This is a site for Americans, Christians and Republicans, not liberals or crazy krauts. Now just shut up! Jarvis Fernley has spoken!
Jarvis,I guess the NRA doesn’t teach SPORTSMANSHIP any more! If you shoot & leave dead squirrels all over the place here in Tennessee,Republican sportsmen might look at you with disgust & if a Republican farmer caught you shooting his prized mouser(mouse killing cat), he might fill your backside with buckshot! As far as thinking I’m a liberal who loves Michael Moron or Spotted Al Gore,think what you want,you obviously don’t read all my previous comments or try to understand them! Relax in the safety of your delusions! During the Clintonista Regime, I was a “Right-wing paranoid conspiracy nut” according to liberals!
“Oh go polish up your picture of Adolph you crazy Nazi guy. It?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s not for you to say whether we impeach Bush of anyone else. Go scrub some of those swastikas off your buildings or something. This is a site for Americans, Christians and Republicans, not liberals or crazy krauts. Now just shut up! Jarvis Fernley has spoken!”
Sounds equal to “somebody really important has spoken!”… you’re a worm. You try to sound like god, like you’ve got something to say, but you don’t… just pure blasphemy.
Oh, before I forget: Go and get some info about what you’re talking. His name was AdolF ;) not Adolph… like Borat would say: ” You very retard, yes yes. “
Very amusing thanksgiving wishes.
I hope that everyone’s thanksgiving was filled with bounty and with thanks, as things could be so much worse here. See China, Saudi Arabia, France or any other nation that has forsaken the Lord.
I think you are not so much German Guy, but more like Vische French Guy.
IMPEACH CHE’S APPLESAUCE!
Oh go polish up your picture of Adolph you crazy Nazi guy. It?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s not for you to say whether we impeach Bush of anyone else. Go scrub some of those swastikas off your buildings or something. This is a site for Americans, Christians and Republicans, not liberals or crazy krauts. Now just shut up! Jarvis Fernley has spoken!
Sorry, Jarvis, but
a) i?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•ve got no picture of Hitler. Never ownt one either. (Except the printed out my comrades and I used as practice target on the shooting range for fun one time).
b) I can say IMPEACH BUSH. Why? Right of free speech. Ever heard of it?
c) Why should I search hours for a swastika to scrub off? Cleaning buildings is not my job.
d) This site is in the internet, isn?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t it? And it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s not protected by a password. Thus it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s free for everyone.
e) No, I won?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t shut up. NOW WHAT?
@John B: What?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s wrong with France? I?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m living next to it and everything seems fine with the country.
I think you are not so much German Guy, but more like Vische French Guy.
It?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s Vichy. And why should I be like it? Enlighten me, please.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
Sam, God didn’t INVENT hell! GOD CREATES, people invent!