Send Billy Bob to Iraq
Friends,
At our most recent prayer gathering, Billy mentioned his concern that the mainstream media just isn’t reporting all the good news that happens in Iraq - all we hear about is car-bombs and shootings, but what about all the great freedom the Iraqis have? Could the liberal media’s anti-freedom agenda be any more blatent?
So Billy and I were talking about what we could do to show the world how well the “Surge Strategy” is working. We needed some new ideas, so who else should we turn to other than the party of ideas, our fellow Republicans:
While power-crazed liberals like John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi are busy making nice with our terrorist enemies, Republican presidential candidate John McCain and Senator Graham from South Carolina have decided to see for themselves what Iraq is like. And the great thing is, what they saw confirmed exactly what our President told us would happen.
And that was when I suggested to Billy Bob that we should raise funds to send him to Iraq. If Senators Graham and McCain, are safe buying carpets then Billy should be safe giving out Holy Bibles and preaching the world of Jesus in that same marketplace. The only trouble is, we’ve got to raise $100,000 in order to be able to send him and the Jesus-car out there.
Billy Bob Neck is one of America’s greates culture-warriors. If we can raise $100,000 he promises to present an entire episode of the Hour of Being Good from the very same Baghdad market the Senator McCain visited.
The task of raising that much money seems daunting; I’ve got to admit that when Billy told me how much his trip would cost I figured that it was impossible. But after a few moments of prayer, Jesus let me in on a secret:
He told me that there are a thousand patriotic readers of Shelley The Republican who each feel the calling, deep down in their heart to give Billy the money he so desperately needs in order to spread the word of Jesus to the islamofascists. Jesus told me that all of you will donate generously, so please dont make a liar out of Jesus!
This is where you can help: Please use the PayPal donate button on the side of this page to give however much Jesus wants you to give in order to send Billy to Iraq. As soon as we get exactly $100,000 will dispatch Billy directly to Iraq. Your donation can help Billy and Jesus’ dreams come true.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
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Are you going to put up a counter of how much money has been contributed?
Tell me more about the Jesus-car. Sounds complicated. How’s it gonna get there?
Sending BBN to Iraq is one of the best ideas i’v ever heard. All types of wonderfull things can happen to somone who spreads the word of christ and america there.
But have a better ide (or cheaper). All BBN need to do is sign up for the army and they will send him there free of charger.
Great idea! On sunday I will ask in our local church for money for your trip. Bill, do you need any special rifle? Our preacher has a nice collection of guns and explosives in his basement. (For keeping straying dogs of his land if you know what I mean). As he hates islamofascists even more than fags and Germans, he will surely give you the right device!
The plan is to get an air-lift from our friends in the Air-Force Christian Fellowship. Technically this will not cost us anything because STR.com will be able to register as a faith-based organization.
Bill, do you need any special rifle? Our preacher has a nice collection of guns and explosives in his basement.
No, Billy already has all the firearms and training he requires for his personal defence. One of the great things about Iraq is that they have implemented precisely the gun-control laws suggested by the NRA, I guess that is why it’s so peaceful.
By the way, I forgot to say: The Jesus car is our patented mobile witnessing solution. It contains everything a travelling preacher needs to sustain his body and soul for approximately 1 month. Your donations will help pay for a much-needed refurbishment of the “Living-Christ Multimedia Experience”, which we will have to translate into Arabic.
Tristan
Was that the same “peaceful” market, McCain visited wearing a Kevlar vest? And if noone reports good things about Iraq, how come you know about it? And, most interesting, since when does Fox News count as liberal media? xD
Perhaps this is a visionary moment in the history of freedom? A witness to the first properly financed crusade to bring the truth to the very heart of islam? the old persian empire!
But its more than just giving the Good News. With Christ, we also have democracy, liberalism, stable social conventions like the rule of law, and most importantly, free markets. Its a total package and it would be exciting and inspirational to have related first hand the palpable joy of Iraqies of such a blessing. They must pinch themselves; to recieve such great blessings after decades of a brutal murderous regime.
In Iraq, God’s word has spoken. You can be saved by the love of Chirst our saviour. Blessed be. Just in time for the final reckoning I believe. Suddenly, Satan has been outplayed in the game of life, one of his most important outposts has now fallen before his eyes. He must be fuming!
WOW
Goooooood idea =)
Send him to Iraq!!
I’ll pay $10.000 for this xD
But send him away!!!
All I’m gonna need is clothes, Bibles and some Ready-To-Eat meals cuz I ain’t to fond of camel jockey food. You know how they say in America everything tastes like chicken? Well, in the Middle East it tastes like towels!
ROLTFL BBN! You don’t want to go drinking any of that funny water they got out there either… I mean, look what happened to the locals!
Seriously now though. It’s christianity and the message of love from Our Savior that’s going to stop these sandnigras from being murderous muslims and that’s the next stage in the important colonizing mission in Iraq that God has given this great country. I urge you to send Billy Bob out there with all expediency. Or how will you feel in five years time knowing that the idolatrous Pope got there first?
Certainly you should not be naked in Iraq! In foreign countries you must dress according to the local custom. This is most imporant for women because if you wear tight shorts there with naked legs, or small tea-shirts that outline and cup your breasts, the man are likely to believe that you are a whore and willing to be raped. Far better as a woman to dress in the local cloths and cloaks and hide yourself completely, with gauze over your face in case the males take your flashing eyes as a sign of sexual availability.
As a man, you should wear soberly coloured and suitably lengthly body armour. You can wear a pack on your back with your food and water. You can hang bags from your shoulders containing copies of the Holy Book. You will need both hands free to hold your video camera and send back immediate immages of joy and rapture from Iraq.
What ITC back up have you got> Have you spoken to Microsoft yet about what kind of package it can put together?
Yes. The Great Game is afoot. But now it is not the British v Russians for control for these vital areas. Now it is God v Satan, and we are playing for keeps. In this Great Game, only the warriors of the Lord need apply. The Enemy will raise great towers to the ground, it will poisen men in deep grounds. If the Roman Whore should put its toe in there, then all is lost. Speed is of the essence.
Just be careful if the locals offer you a goat: It is not meant to be eaten, if you know what I mean.
I truly hope BBN gets a bullet planted in his brain while beeing in Iraq, but his brain is so small it’s gonna be difficult to hit…
“Jesus told me that all of you will donate generously, so please dont make a liar out of Jesus!”
America- the land of false prophets. No wonder most of their “Christians” are Protestants.
Amen Satanic Master!
At our most recent prayer gathering, Billy mentioned his concern that the mainstream media just isn??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äò?Ǭ¢t reporting all the good news that happens in Iraq - all we hear about is car-bombs and shootings, but what about all the great freedom the Iraqis have? Could the liberal media??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äò?Ǭ¢s anti-freedom agenda be any more blatent?
Ya know, freedom isn??ɂİ?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t worth that much if you have nothing to do except fearing for your very life…
While power-crazed liberals like John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi are busy making nice with our terrorist enemies, Republican presidential candidate John McCain and Senator Graham from South Carolina have decided to see for themselves what Iraq is like. And the great thing is, what they saw confirmed exactly what our President told us would happen.
I wonder how many bodyguards they had. Likely the Army had to clear the whole area beforehand.
And that was when I suggested to Billy Bob that we should raise funds to send him to Iraq. If Senators Graham and McCain, are safe buying carpets then Billy should be safe giving out Holy Bibles and preaching the world of Jesus in that same marketplace. The only trouble is, we??Ǭ¢?¢‚Ǩ?°?ɂİ?Ǭ®?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äò?Ǭ¢ve got to raise $100,000 in order to be able to send him and the Jesus-car out there.
1. Yes, send him to Iraq. Damn, I can only imagine a insurgent discussing with him. Although Billy would not like it…But Billy, watch out for the snipers, these guys are smarter and way more lethal than you are.
2. 100.000$? Are you nuts? 10.000 bucks are way enough for a journey to Iraq. Just take a plane down there and rent a car, for gods sake! What are wanting to do with the rst of the money? Don??ɂİ?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t lie to us, Shelley!
3. As an Alternate, Billy could just sign up with the army and get down there without having to pay. He would actually even get a gun and be paid!
Please, Shelley, be a little more crative when you need money the next time.
The plan is to get an air-lift from our friends in the Air-Force Christian Fellowship. Technically this will not cost us anything because STR.com will be able to register as a faith-based organization.
Then why do you need the money? Bribery? Or to stuff it into your own pockets? Oh, and is the Jesus car protected against roadside bombs? You know, some of them can pretty wreck a tank!
No, Billy already has all the firearms and training he requires for his personal defence.
A hunting rifle + license, I bet. I almost feel sorry for BBN. Almost.
Now it is God v Satan, and we are playing for keeps. In this Great Game, only the warriors of the Lord need apply.
What about the Germans in Afghanistan?
And I??ɂİ?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•m looking forward for pope Benedikt to visit the place. Calling him a whore is somewhat dumb, though. The catholic church isn??ɂİ?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t selling stuff any more. Since a long time.
@Satanic: Amen! They should perhaps use an explosive round or a grenade. You know how the saying goes: Close hits only count with horseshoes, hand grenades and tactical nukes.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH! OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT!
“Billy the money he so desperately needs in order to spread the word of Jesus to the islamofascists. Jesus told me that all of you will donate generously, so please dont make a liar out of Jesus!”
What you just did there was fucking blasphemy.
Its not the word of Jesus, Jesus is the son of god. God is the lord almighty its the word of god.
And the fact that Jesus told you something, five hundred years ago you would have been burned for saying something like that.
“so please dont make a liar out of Jesus!”
Mmh:
Send Billy Bob To Iraq!
Cost: 10,000.00 USD
Donated: 0.00 USD
I guess you lovely Jesus is a liar ^^
mate, I’ll pay all of it just to see you give one dude a bible and have the entire market shoot you then behead you and then sew an explosive device inside his neck and detonate it when some marines come to his aid then take they’re wepons and start to rebel aginst the americans givng a heafty handshafe and a respect to all the british soldiers who help them then they take all the american trasport go to america then kill everyone who is a devout christian there and then we will all live in the perfect world and it will all eb down to some ‘towelheads’ and they will become joint presidents of the usa and we will all live in harmony. and thats what will happen if you go iraq billy bob redneck.