The Lord works in mysterious ways!
Concrete proof of the good that STR.com is doing throughout America and the cyber-world.
Friends,
It’s well known that ultra-liberals and child-molesting perverts like nothing better than to hang around in cyber-space, using their spindly little geek fingers to tap themselves to ever more filthy levels of degradation and Anti-American filth. Their chief portal to this computer hell is, of course, the known-liberal hatesearch engine, google. However, I’m today pleased to reveal that God has even reached into the servers of this most sinful company. How? He has worked it so that perverts searching to filth are actually led to the words of your own humble servants at STR.com.
A recent survey of the search terms that people use to reach this website initially caused us considerable concern. Just review figure 1. to see what I mean:
Figure 1:
Top 20 of 570 Total Search Strings for God’s Own Website, STR.com
# Hits Search String
1 278 14.31% cocaine
2 92 4.73% oral
3 88 4.53% heroin
4 83 4.27% Shelley the republican
5 61 3.14% oral sex
6 60 3.09% retard
7 29 1.49% eating faeces
8 29 1.49% gays
9 24 1.24% nud-
10 20 1.03% illegal sex
11 20 1.03% nude-
12 19 0.98% chil-
13 18 0.93% anc-
14 18 0.93% shelly the republican
15 15 0.77% nude kids
16 14 0.72% nude ch-
17 13 0.67% shelleytherepublican
18 11 0.57% illegal child sex
19 11 0.57% nu-
20 10 0.51% jeb bush, naked
This is the kind of filth that Democ-rats and liberals expect to see when google takes them to this site. Thank you Jesus for protecting them!
As you can imagine, we initially reacted with horror when we saw the kind of deviant that is landing on our pages. It was our in-house chaplain, Pastor Bucks who told us not to worry so. “The Lord works in mysterious ways!” he told us. “Fear not! Everything has a purpose and that purpose is clear to me. Lo! He obviously leads these sinners to our site. If these sinners search for child sex and come straight to a site that tells them about how hot and horrible hell is, and how awful it is to be turned away from Jesus, they’ll surely mend their ways.”
Our hearts rejoiced to hear this good Christian’s tidings and that he was right was proved less than a week later when we received the following beautiful letter.
Figure 2:
Letter received on 05.05.2007.
Completely unaltered and unedited except for cosmetic spelling and grammar changes.
Dear Mrs Goodman,
To tell you this almost breaks my heart because I have to admit back to my past life of horrible sin and hatred. Just a few weeks ago I was a filthy atheist with no moral compass, no belief system (except hatred and evil) and no way of caring about right or wrong since I didn’t understand the concept of heaven or hell. I used to spend most of my time smoking jazz cigarettes (I’ve got rid of all that junk now!), looking at increasingly illegal pornography on the internet and hooking up with my fellow atheists in chat rooms. One of the things we liked to do was plot how to burn down churches and hurt America and I was doing a web search about “hate the bible” when somehow - and I can only attribute this to God’s actions - I was directed to your site by google.
If liberals had their way, this is what your church would look like too!
At first I thought it was the funniest thing and some kind of joke, because I’d never come across people with such sincerely held beliefs before and just didn’t know what to make of it. I even signed up as “killjesus” (a foul name I shudder to recall now) and started to post filthy liberal insults to you Tristan, Mr Billy Bob and Sam. However, something Mr Neck (thank you Mr Neck!) said to me in reply to one of my messages really gave me pause. “Son,” he wrote, “you’re going to hell”.
I didn’t really know much about hell, but a quick search in the STR.com search facility really started to make me think that that wasn’t the kind of place I wanted to end up at all. I also started to think about some of the political things you were saying too, and how they were led by such beautiful conviction and faith rather than the kind of twisted sophisticated argument and clever thinking that my liberal friends preferred…
Suddenly I realised that I was crying. Hot tears were actually running down my face for the first time ever. And do you know what? That very afternoon I went out and bought a Bible, fell on my knees and prayed God and accepted Jesus into my life.
Since that day, I have been happier, richer and most importantly, a better person who is not going to burn for eternity. And Mrs Goodman, don’t blush (I know how modest you are!), after God and his Only Son, I have you most of all to thank for it.
God Bless You,
Richard Black,
CA
He then went on to add:
P.S.
As a pledge of my new faith and to win myself further bounty in heaven I have decided to send a tithe to your website. I make this decision knowing the biblical injunction and the moral need to give over 10% of my income to a suitable church - and knowing too that STR.com is a far more suitable church than any of the backsliding organizations in my neighborhood. I assume you must have a fellowship scheme. Send me the details and I’ll start giving right away. With joy in my heart!”
I have to tell you now that Mrs Goodman actually didn’t want to run this message on the site, being the modest Christian that she is, but I eventually persuaded her because it bears such important witness not just to her work, but to the work of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and His father, God.
That last point about the pledging is very important by the way. If you too want to see us reaching more and more sinners each and every day and ensuring that America is led by the kind of people that put morality before earthly concerns, please, please, do what you can. 10% on Earth is nothing when set against an eternity of riches in heaven!
We have paypall buttons to the right of this page, and just write to Mrs Goodman direct if you want to set up a tithing account. Don’t forget that not only will your money go towards ensuring the true truth is put onto the internet every day by the writers of STR.com, it will also go towards sending our favorite son, Billy Bob Neck to Iraq.
God Bless You All,
Sam Johnston
20 Comments so far
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im an atheist, and im not going to “mend my ways” by reading this crap.
in fack, i hate even more your religion and people like you.
oh yeah, im from venezuela btw.
Halleluja praise Lord Baby Jesus! Another saved soul! We have to be careful that it wont get too crowded up there, just kidding :)
Richard Black, you probably better perform an exorcism just to make sure that you’re saved (and I hope you haven’t blasphemed against the Holy Spirit, because if you had, you can prepare for a Hot Ending ;-) )
This is quite simply stupid. First off, anyone typing in these search strings would ignore your site, because it is obviously not what they are looking for. Next, if your convert to the site is real, I would advise him to go find a real church, instead of this place that just spews lies and hate.
That is so inspirational. The power of God and the love of Jesus cannot be denied. He will come at you over the internet when you didn’t want Him and didn’t expect Him, and pound and pound into you heart again and again and He cannot be denied. You cry out loud Yes, Jesus, Save Me, Save this Poor Sinner, I am an Insect, A Piece of Crap in this great Universe, but I want to love again and I want to love God and be Saved. Thank you. There are hot tears running down my cheeks too!
No amount of money can be worth everlasting life and joyful forgiveness.
Thank you Ghandi’s nephew! What a great example you set to the godless. Your words (and financial contributions) are much appreciated.
I know that the conversion of Richard Black must be right and true, because the same thing happened to me! When I first came to this site, I was nothing more than a vile, loathsome liberal. Like all liberals, my favorite pastimes were hating America, setting fire to churches, letting the terrorists win, and cruising the Interwebs in pursuit of kiddie and/or gay porn. It was that search which led me here, to read the words of Shelley and Tristan and Mr. Neck and thus be saved! Glory!
However, I regret to inform you that due to an expensive addiction to oxycontin and viagra, I currently have no money to tithe. Luckily, Our President and the other sainted leaders of God’s Own Party have shown that it is permissible for one to publicly advocate in favor of things (such as wars) for which one has no intention of risking one’s own skin with any kind of direct action, so I’m sure Jesus will forgive me.
God is love!*
(*unless you’re a liberal, in which case He hates you.)
Thank you Gerald Fnord. Be sure now that you contribute when you’ve got some money. Many of our parishoners like to divert some of their welfare to str.com as well, reasoning quite rightly that the rewards they’ll get on earth for that money are nothing like the ones in heaven.
No wonder. You?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re talking about all that bad stuff the whole day. Obviously it will become part of your search strings. God has nothing to do with that. It?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s just the way search engines are working. Oh well, at least those filthy liberals have something to laugh then.
If liberals had their way, this is what your church would look like too!
Sad thing. Another proof that every political direction has it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s extremists. And extremists are never good. I detest extremists.
And that one seems to be quite mentally unstable. “You?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•re going to hell.” Wow, with that old story you could normally not even scare a 10-year-old child.
As a pledge of my new faith and to win myself further bounty in heaven I have decided to send a tithe to your website. I make this decision knowing the biblical injunction and the moral need to give over 10% of my income to a suitable church - and knowing too that STR.com is a far more suitable church than any of the backsliding organizations in my neighborhood. I assume you must have a fellowship scheme. Send me the details and I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ll start giving right away. With joy in my heart!?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?
Hmm, isn?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t the tithe something created by the evil catholic pope? And wasn?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t protestantism created because they did not want to pay the tithe anymore? Any contradictions here?
Seems like still noone has paid to send BBN into Iraq. A pity. I somewhat like the thought of presenting him as a practice target for the insurgents…
@ Gerald FOrd: Nice sarcasm, dude.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
PS: Tomorrow my article will be published.
I think this site has been googlebombed to pop up somewhere on the top of the list when people search for inappropriate matereal.
Hi Shelley! I was just looking on google.DE(!) for porn and some nice kill-videos, and you placed yourself on the search result list to pic me up. Just what did you do that for? I mean, isn’t it a waste of time and bandwidth for you to pick up people from Germany? We are honest liberal thinkers here, we appreciate the same ideals like freedom of speech (people who do not share our view of freedom are locked away almost immediately, so the Germans running free can all be considered good Citizens), so I think we already have a common base. But I think we deserve some fun in our free time. So when someone tries to lure me on his website I think he should at least offer some content relevant for us, some XXX-rated stuff, some recipies with jimson weed or something, just something to get a kick.
BTW: The girl with the tiny black and some blue hair looks quite promising. Are there more pictures available? Especially the puffy nipple next to the yellowish (chinese?) guy is great.
horst average,
good morning.
I have no idea what you are talking about. What is “pic me up”? How can I even “place myself” in google anyway?
Educate yourself you freak.
Shelley
Hey Shelley,
“pic me up” is a so called tpyo. I meant “pick me up”. And as long as there is a valid copyright law I can’t imagine how google could copy your site into their search result list without your consent. Or do you think, someone else placed your site there?
I AM A LITTLE TAKEN BACK WHY, ESPECIALLY EVANGELICALS, THINK ALL DEMOCRATS ARE SOME KIND OF GOD HATERS. I GIVE UP WITH YOU PEOPLE, THERE ARE SOME OF YOU THAT ACTUALLY THINK THAT A DEMOCRAT CAN’T BE RELIGIOUS. I’VE SAID IT A HUNDRED TIMES AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN….”IF YOU DON’T THINK LIKE US, THAN YOU’RE WRONG”. THE TYPICAL EVANGELICAL THOUGHT PROCESS.
people you want to about about shelleytherepublican go to down with str and i find out the truth about shelley and the other STR liars. you will be shocked.