Cyclists: An ungrateful menace or merely deranged?
Friends,
Last week I told you about an unfortunate incident in which an irresponsible cyclist caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage to my Hummer. I’m sure you can imagine how upset I was, but as always, I allowed the Christian spirit of compassion and forgiveness to guide me. The foolish cyclist had learned his lesson, and that would be end of the matter… or so I thought.
Unfortunately I was wrong, the other day in the post, I received a letter demanding compensation for over $4,000 to cover the cost of replacing a damaged bicycle. The cyclist, a typical New-England liberal claimed that his foreign-made ‘road bicycle’ was made out of carbon, and therefore irreparable and that I was liable for the full extent of his damages. That sounds like a typical liberal extortion scam to me.
Would any sane person ever spend four-thousand dollars on a bicycle? For that amount of money you could get a motorbike, or better still a second hand car or truck? This bike was made in Italy, a country famous for hyper-inflation, rampant homosexuality and shoddy engineering. Is that the best you can get for four thousand?
And just because somebody has no bargain hunting common-sense, does that make me responsible? It hardly seems sensible or fair. Why would anybody buy foreign crap when they could have a fine American product for much less? It just does not make any sense!
So I talked through the whole matter with Shelley, who in a moment of Christ-inspired compassion reminded me of Jesus’s commandment to go the extra mile; Shelly authorized me to use the STR funds to buy this idiot a brand new bike, so that is why I found myself in a bike shop last weekend.
Much to my astonishment, the shop stocked a wide range of bicycles and the most expensive could be bought for less than $300. Each of these bikes were rugged looking rides, made from tough American steel.
As Shelley suggested, I bought the very best of their range; an attractive red bike complete with rugged off-road tyres and spring-loaded front suspension (an optional extra). The bike-shop assistant explained that unlike the wrecked foreign-made bike, this bike could ride off road, was virtually indestructible and and came with a bell on the handle-bar, a great way to warn other road-users about fast-moving cyclists.
I’m no fan of bicycles, but this one has everything, from spring-loaded suspension to a handy parking stand. Why would anybody buy foreign when you can get a fine American design like this for a great price?
So I’ve UPSed the whole thing off to Boston, and I hope that will entirely settle the matte, and set a fine example of Christian generoisty.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
37 Comments so far
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Sorry to hear that you caused that much damage to this cyclist. My husband says carbon frame bikes can be really expensive and they are obviously made for salad bar boys and girls. A true biker prefers steel frames. I just bought three of steel frame Dutch bikes to my friends. They were grateful. Especially for single gear.
Using light weight carbon frames causes weight loss. You’ll get rid of your muscles. As you hit the Hummer, it may really hurt.
My husband said the bike in the pic looks really nice. As we all know, G. W. Bush likes to ride bicycle sometimes. As far as I know he doesn’t have rear suspension in his bike, so this bike would be a nice gift to Him. It has a strong looking rear suspension system.
Man, that Huffy is really amazingly awful. Get a real American’s bike, a Cannondale.
I just want to clarify something. All cyclists are enemies of the American society. Even driving a so called “Huff” is an act of treason!
$4000 on a bike? Oh my God! Is that true? Look at it! It looks ridiculous!
I would never allow my children to ride a bike to school or such nonsense. Bikes are dangerous and they can also badly damage the groin area!
They can even make you impotent!
Tristan, i thought u talked with shelley about it. she seems to be pretty surprised about your article…whos the fraud?
That is some kind of strange logic. Do you think we sit side by side when writing articles, saying: Hey Tristan, I am writing this now.. is that OK for you?
Moron. We all all grown up individuals with our own mindsets. We have disagreements like everybody else. And by the way: Tristan hates bikes just like I do.
Shelley
My Church of Brian the Blessed has banned all worshippers from riding these evil machines. Riding down bumpy streets with a piece of black leather wedged between your thighs is guaranteed to create unholy and impure thoughts.
Is Tristan a Canadian or British? If he isn’t,why does he use the English spelling of words like “tyre”? Or use the term “post” instead of mail? I recall STR had a tirade months ago about speaking “American”! This article seems very UNAMERICAN to me!
That is just a problem with his damn spelling correction. One of the things I don’t like about Microsoft Office, is that they come with a British-fag-language as default.
Shelley
They sure are a nuisance.
You could buy the scumbag a proper car for that price and give him the chance to rejoin the human race.
Thank god for bullbars. Given half a chance they will run into you and bounce up on the windscreen and try to smash into the cabin and cause all kinds of mischief.
Better to speed up rather than risk death is the best policy.
“That is just a problem with his damn spelling correction. One of the things I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t like about Microsoft Office, is that they come with a British-fag-language as default.”
I’m guessing he ain’t too intelligent then, if he needs spelling correction for his native language..
Greetings from liberal Holland,
Thomas van der Meer
I hate to be rude, but the bike that is wrecked is a road bike. You bought the dude a mountain bike. I would not be suprised if he sent the bike back to you with a note saying he wants his $3,000. Sorry friend.
Thomas,
I don’t want to be rude, Sir, but you are an idiot!
Anybody that is using Word knows that the spelling correction is turned ON by default. I don’t know anybody switching it off. Why should somebody switch it off. Everybody has a typing error now and then!
Shelley
Dear Mr Bob Neck and Mr Shelly Republican,
You think you be fun. It is not. It is painful for bicycle rider and car driver to hit like this. I know because I was hit by car six months ago. I am telling you it is not fun at all. The man who hit me was very good. He should be paying for medical costs also, I think.
There is much talk here of Jesus and God. You should read the Bible one day I think! It is better to love than to hate.
Also, Microsoft Word is very good. I am using it now to do this.
I will pray for you.
Your friend in Bavaria.
no, that peice of shit ‘mountain bike’ mate I use a carrara banshee x, that I have the best $300 aprox. that I ever spent and you my good christian redneck should get that returned as soon as possible because the banshee lays waste to ALL!
thank you for listening to my advice.
Dear Friend,
I do not wish to sound like an alarmist, but if there is a LIEberal involved your troubles are far from over. Given the typical Democcrat predisposition to lie, cheat, and steal, I imagine more touble is heading you way. I only pray that a colored person wasn’t involved or you can be assured that the ACLU will be there screaming racism.
You and your family remain firmly planted in my prayers.
“I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t want to be rude, Sir, but you are an idiot!
Anybody that is using Word knows that the spelling correction is turned ON by default. I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t know anybody switching it off. Why should somebody switch it off. Everybody has a typing error now and then!”
Yeah, but you just said you hated it so much. Then why don’t you turn it off. Must mean you’re either too lazy to turn it off, or your English is so bad you need the spelling correction. You choose.
Greetings from liberal Holland,
Thomas van der Meer
This bike was made in Italy, a country famous for hyper-inflation, rampant homosexuality and shoddy engineering.
Italian engineering shoddy? Ever heard of Ferrari?
So you want to replace his luxury race-bike with a common road-bike? Sorry, but that?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•d be like me replacing your wrecked Hummer with an 40 years old VW mini-bus.
But yeah, carbon frames are imo quite useless.
Using light weight carbon frames causes weight loss. You?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ll get rid of your muscles. As you hit the Hummer, it may really hurt.
Erm, no. Due tothe training of riding your bike, you will get additional muscles.
Bikes are dangerous and they can also badly damage the groin area!
Only when using a shitty saddle or no saddle at all. And honestly, anyone doing such bull**** deserves it.
The German Guy
IMEPACH BUSH!
Why don’t you rich tightwad Republicans replace his bike with a quality American made pedal powered vehicle of equal value but better made for road use,the Rhoades Car! http://www.rhoadescar.com They come in 1,2 and 4 seater models with options like lights so drivers like Tristan can easily see someone on the road in one!
“That is just a problem with his damn spelling correction. One of the things I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t like about Microsoft Office, is that they come with a British-fag-language as default.
Shelley”
Erm…can I ask where it is you bought your copy of Word from? Because mine, bought in the USA, doesn’t have British English as the default language. Also, even if using the British English setting, would not change Mail to Post. So please don’t speak out your ass.
“That is some kind of strange logic. Do you think we sit side by side when writing articles, saying: Hey Tristan, I am writing this now.. is that OK for you?
Moron. We all all grown up individuals with our own mindsets. We have disagreements like everybody else. And by the way: Tristan hates bikes just like I do.
Shelley”
Hm..you seemed to have completely missed the whole point of the accusation. Tristan clearly states in the article: “So I talked through the whole matter with Shelley,” this would imply that you knew about the bike costing $4000. But you then in a comment stated, in shock, “$4000 on a bike? Oh my God! Is that true?” Who then is this logic broken? Please enlighten me.