STR † THE FREEDOM BLOG

PFC Michael Rob here with another dispatch from the front lines of the S**t-hole that the world likes to call Iraq. Yep, this means I’m not dead yet - the good lord is still protecting me, I guess because he sees the good work me and my buddies are doing. I just want to say thanks to G-d and the Marine Corps for letting me do all this good work: Every meal’s a fricking banquet, every paycheque a fortune! You gotta be thankful when you’ve seen some of the things I’ve seen.

And a big thanks to all of STR’s readers who sent us Freedom Packs. Those Bibles are sure gonna be useful, and I’m enjoying “Left Behind: Eternal Forces”? - that game is freaking awesome, thanks for sending it to me. You guys are the best!

Another day in the office - I hate the rush-hour traffic, it kind of makes me angry… you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Shelley asked me to tell you how things have changed since October when I last wrote - well the good news is I’m still here, still fighting for Jesus and Democracy. The bad news is that it looks like I’m gonna have to be here a while longer. You see, Al-Queda turned out to be tougher than we thought and thats why we needed a surge.

But don’t y’all worry, we will have them beat by 2008. We are killing more islamofascists than ever before. And thanks to the surge we have all the men and equipment we could ever want. There’s no way some cave-dwelling towel head is going to get the best of the US Marines.

The General Electric XM214 Minigun - Urban pacification American style. Seriously folks, this sucker is for show only. It’s way to heavy to carry into a combat zone. A regular assault rifle is far more effective, but please don’t tell the islamofacists. It’s freaking hilarious to bring this bad-boy into a school or shop.

The surge has has been great - great for pranking greenhorns that is, like the time I convinced one of my buds that he was responsible for calling in the artillery on a the wrong target. He was freaking out, because moments after we called for air-support the freaking mosque exploded. That was freaking hilarious, because the next day it was on Fox news, and all the ilsamofascists were getting angry about their f***ing stupid mosque and they all said that “tensions were escalating” and that kind of B.S. . And my bud was freaking out because thought it was all his fault - well he didn’t know that the radio was off and it was just a coincidence that the building exploded.

S**t like that happens here all the time. Welcome to my world! One minute this place is like “Alah Alah”, and the next “Kaboom”.

He got me back, turns out one day when my team was tapped to go investigate a house… we got there just before the break of the curfew and we put a small charge on the door. When it exploded it, it took half the wall with it. One of my buds said “You’re only supposed to blow the bloody door off”, just like in a British accent, just like in that movie - and the whole freaking squad burst out laughing. We marines have a great sense of humor!

So anyway, we go into this flat and there’s an Iraqi guy and his wife completely f***ing naked shouting at us like “ab-dab-dab-ab” and their kids screaming like some crazy taliban. At that point, sarge has an idea and says lets prank this guy by telling him that we gotta arrest him under suspicion of terrorism - so we do that and everybody starts shouting even louder and the woman starts beating up on one of my buds with her fists, so one of my buds whacked her on the head with his pistol, and she just flops to the ground. You see you gotta show these sand-niggers who’s boss otherwise they get all uppity.

Some of my best buds ready for another tiring day protecting Freedom and Democracy in Iraq from the evil islamofascists. We are locked & loaded. Nobody f**** with the US Marines!

So we figured that we would take this guy in anyway, but when we got back to base sarge says “you went to the wrong house” - it turns out that the guy I had pranked before switched the orders and sent us to to a completely different place. This guy was an informer and not a terrorist. Yep, I was totally punk’d, but I figured that since I’d taken the time to get this guy all the way here we might as well question him.

That was a pretty smart move because after we splashed a little water on him him we found out that he was totally an Al-Queda sympathizer. Crazy s**t like that happen in Iraq all the time, and I reckon that G-d was guiding us to the terrorists. How else can you explain the fact that we are killing so many of them?

I don’t want folks back home thinking it’s all fun and games in this G-d forsaken sand-dune. We have a whole load of work to do to clear Al-Queda, disarm Saddam’s WMDs, find Osama bin Laden and convert this hell-hole to Christianity, all before the next elections. Judging by what I see on TV, things are going pretty well, and I’m sure we will have the job done by the time America re-elects the Republicans

PFC Michael Rob
Kilo Company
US. Marines
Al-Abnar Province
Ir-freaking-aq