Meet the Grizzly
Hey, former-PFC Michael Rob here with another dispatch from the s**t-hole we call Iraq. It’s true what they say on Fox – we are winning the war against the terrorists and I’m proud to be part of America’s most elite fighting force: Blackwater. today Shelley asked me to tell you about America’s ultimate weapon for urban pacification: The Blackwater Grizzly.
At Blackwater U they teach you that urban pacification is impossible without respect, and let me tell you that nothing gets more respect than the Girzzly thundering down a bombed out street.
Awesome isnt she? This little baby can do 65 MPH on the open road and weighing in at a cool 30,000 lbs she dont take no sh*t from nobody. She can take a direct hit from an IED and still keep on trucking’ as well as repel .50 caliber rounds with barely a scratch. Me and my buds can return fire and sip brewskis safe in the air-conditioned cabin – life doesn’t get any sweeter than this!
This isn’t your granddaddy’s APC. She can turn on a dime, but she’s got the thick armor plating that lets us smash down buildings which may be providing shelter to enemy combatants. The suspension is great – the other day I ran down a terrorist on a bicycle… didn’t even feel a freaking thing.
But enough about the handling – I know what you are asking: How are the weapons? Freaking awesome:
You see that sttuff on top of the ‘Grizz’ - that’s not just to look purdy - thats our ultimate weapon against towelhead-sand niggers who disrespect the stars and stripes. This Grizzly’s got claws!
Let me tell you, there’s no better weapons-platform for killing terrorists than the Grizzly. My favorite trick is sneaking around the city at night – totally dark and quiet. When we pick up some terrorists on the IR we power up the 400,000 candle power searchlights and frighten the freak out of the towel-heads. And the best thing is that if they look suspicious we blast them with the Grizzly’s remote-control 12.7mm machine-gun on the roof. It’s like playing a video game, only you don’t win points:
You score Justice for Jesus.
I know all this technology isn’t everybody’s thing, and sometimes urban pacification requires a personal touch:
Simply pop the window and ride through the streets of Baghdad like a freaking King. And if the terrorists give you sass, nothing teaches those bastards to love America more than firing a few rounds from your H&K.
The best part of this is that the Grizzly is coming to the USA soon. Blackwater are applying for a license to operate this peace-platform back home. Just think of how much domestic terrorism we could kill with a bunch of these patrolling every town and city. Imagine how safe people would feel if you knew that Blackwater’s trained operatives were protecting your town from crime and voter-fraud with the Grizzly – it sure makes me feel good to know how much justice I’m bringing to the world.
Michael Rob
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Michael, thanks for sharing this with us. The Grizzly sure looks like the kind of thing that could kill crime fast - I only wish we could have a few of these patrolling our streets back home.
This vehicle has one of the best safety records there ever is - even in head-on collisions none of the passengers have ever been injured. It would be a great vehicle for safety-conscious families.
Sadly the ultra-leftists are conspiring to keep this out of our yards: Since Nancy Pelosi and here communist friends took over congress & the senate the price of fuel has gone up. They are even closing down the factories where they make hummers.
Soon, the only way anybody’s going to be able to drive some decent hardware is by signing up!
it is offical this is a bunch of satire there’s no way normal people can be so stupid such as STR they are so abusing the privilage of absolutely fucking stupid.
and they maybe ultra-leftists but at least there not liars and slanderers like you jimmy and str and you can blame the high price of gas on that son of a bitch george dubya moron bush.
people like you jimmy and STR should not be driving these vehicles your creepy and disturbed as hell asshole.
and jimmy if you have a hummer how in the world do you afford to put gas in that hummer seeing as how those things are supposed to be real gas guzzlers. hardly anybody can afford gas these days what the fuck is president bush gonna do something about it.
“s**t-hole we call Iraq.”
Then why are you there?
“America’s most elite fighting force: Blackwater”
LOL! Great joke STR, tell us another! Blackwater = Bunch of rambo rednecks with guns that call themselves soldiers
“towelhead-sand niggers”
Let me guess? “We’re not racist, we say the truth”? Fucking racist bastards.
“My favorite trick is sneaking around the city at night – totally dark and quiet. When we pick up some terrorists on the IR we power up the 400,000 candle power searchlights and frighten the freak out of the towel-heads And the best thing is that if they look suspicious we blast them with the Grizzly’s remote-control 12.7mm machine-gun on the roof. It’s like playing a video game, only you don’t win points:
You score Justice for Jesus”
With corrections made that more accurately represent the situation in Iraq:
My favorite trick is sneaking around the city at night – totally dark and quiet. When we pick up some innocent civilians on the IR we power up the 400,000 candle power searchlights and frighten the freak out of the mothers and their children And the best thing is that if we feel like it we blast them with the Grizzly’s remote-control 12.7mm machine-gun on the roof. It’s like playing a video game, only you don’t win points:
You become a murderer
“Simply pop the window and ride through the streets of Baghdad like a freaking King. And if the terrorists give you sass, nothing teaches those bastards to love America more than firing a few rounds from your H&K.”
If that’s the case, Baghdad sounds alot like Detroit, btw, H&K is German.
“Blackwater are applying for a license to operate this peace-platform back home.”
Blackwater = Gestapo
“Imagine how safe people would feel if you knew that Blackwater’s trained operatives were protecting your town from crime and voter-fraud with the Grizzly”
Not very fucking safe.
Phantastic news, Michael! We need the best tools we can get in order to preserve Freedom!
Shelley
Yeah, the nazis spoke like you about their invasion of poland:
“With my Panzer IV I can kill every fucking communist, even if they are disguised as little polish children. It’s a great vehicle for urban pacification, we just kill everybody, so there is no trouble here in Varsovia, and the city is a lot more secure”.
I see the work of the US soldiers in Iraq has many things in common with the Nazi occupation, but of course, you’re doing it because Jesus told you to do so.
hey wait a minute people some of these heavy vehicles might be handy.
I wouldn’t mind running over the computers that this hate satire is on.
Why do you use guns from Heckler & Koch which are “Made in Germany”? Are your own weapon-manufacturers so bad in making reliable guns with enough firepower?
Thank Jesus they’re bringing the Grizzly back home for use in America. Once we have private mercenary groups like KBR, Blackwater and other properly equipped with the Grizz on American soil we’ll finally be able to deal with the real terrorists: Mexicans working illegally, 9/11 Troofers, people trying to get the votes in Ohio and Florida recounted, Dennis Kucinich and his stupid effort to impeach Bush, marijuana smokers, black people, and all the other dangerous thugs. If only those FEMA camps could be opened sooner, we could finally get people incarcerated in large enough numbers to really put some fear in the population. The Grizz gets my vote for freedom!
Always Right
“Mexicans working illegally, 9/11 Troofers, people trying to get the votes in Ohio and Florida recounted, Dennis Kucinich and his stupid effort to impeach Bush, marijuana smokers, black people, and all the other dangerous thugs. If only those FEMA camps could be opened sooner, we could finally get people incarcerated in large enough numbers to really put some fear in the population.”
And you wonder why you get called nazis… Ass.
Axo pijo huevos, viva el bando de la huerta.
Flame Wars BEGINS!!!
[...] - give them an express ticket to their precious fuckin paradise! Fuck knows they don’t mind sending others to [...]
One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter! The government fascists and hired goons like Blackwater are the REAL terrorists! I say to the Blackwater jack booted thugs,”Bring it on bitch!” Determined resistance,unconventional tactics and a righteous cause of liberty shall triumph over evil totalitarian oppressors with their fancy-assed technology! True freedom loving Americans will resist by any means necessary! Death to the New World Order!
@Random Aussie, Unlike the STR comedy crew,here’s a REAL NAZI! Ronald Reagan’s adopted son Michael! He said he’ll supply bullets to anyone who’ll shoot 9/11 truthers! “Michael Reagan is an Anti-American Terrorist” http://www.roguegovernment.com/news.php?id=9976
Looks like expensive IED-bait.
If you morons should have realised one thing by now, it would be that Hadji is by now far better at IED-ing and RPG-ing vehicles than he is at shooting grunts.
Infantry wins at urban warfare. Unsupported Vehicles die.
“She can take a direct hit from an IED and still keep on trucking’ as well as repel .50 caliber rounds with barely a scratch.”
1. There´s always a bigger IED. And when the insurgents can build some that damage a fuckin´ MBT, any wheeled vehicle is toast.
2. .50 through tires or windows. Or use those 5$-a-shot, expendable-as-hell RPG´s.
“This isn’t your granddaddy’s APC. She can turn on a dime, but she’s got the thick armor plating that lets us smash down buildings which may be providing shelter to enemy combatants. The suspension is great – the other day I ran down a terrorist on a bicycle… didn’t even feel a freaking thing.”
Nothing a old M113 or Marder couldn´t do just as well if not better. Running over cyclists is stupid, you´re suppossed to capture terrorists, not be a danger for public traffic.
“Let me tell you, there’s no better weapons-platform for killing terrorists than the Grizzly. My favorite trick is sneaking around the city at night – totally dark and quiet. When we pick up some terrorists on the IR we power up the 400,000 candle power searchlights and frighten the freak out of the towel-heads. And the best thing is that if they look suspicious we blast them with the Grizzly’s remote-control 12.7mm machine-gun on the roof. It’s like playing a video game, only you don’t win points:
You score Justice for Jesus.”
Anyone would be scared at first in such a situation. It´s trigger-happiness like that that grants Hadji new recruits every day. Your actions only help to loose the war.
“The best part of this is that the Grizzly is coming to the USA soon. Blackwater are applying for a license to operate this peace-platform back home. Just think of how much domestic terrorism we could kill with a bunch of these patrolling every town and city. Imagine how safe people would feel if you knew that Blackwater’s trained operatives were protecting your town from crime and voter-fraud with the Grizzly – it sure makes me feel good to know how much justice I’m bringing to the world.”
Having that thing roaming your neighbourhood would be simply crap. The police can do anything idiots in a van can do. They are just faster and more precise at it.
Idiots with armored cars playing police….. no wonder Iraq isn´t comning to a rest.
“America’s most elite fighting force: Blackwater”
The only thing worse than Blackwater are SOmali militiamen…..
“Mexicans working illegally”
You know the deal: No illegal immigrants = No Nachos! And no cheap labor force for your economy.
The German Guy
IMPEACH BUSH!
Charles Roast III change always right to always wrong you racist.
We had the wonderful and exhilarating experience of seeing our candidate John McCain and The Vice President of the United States speak here in Columbus, Ohio the other evening. It was a majestic scene when Dick Cheney came into the hall proceeded by a phalanx of his Black Water security guards resplendent in their black uniforms and bright silver insignia. When the light caught one of their silver crosses, and shot beams of divine light out into the crowd, it was truly something to behold. Mr. Cheney was followed by his US secrete service guards, is if they could compare with Black Water. Next came John McCain himself surrounded by another contingent of Black Water security. All around the hall you could spot elate members of the Republican Guard who could step in at a moments notice to quell any undue violence or inappropriate banners, t-shirts etc. (Remember what the R.G. did to that ugly woman who wore a Kerry for President t-shirt in ’04? She’ll never walk again; much less disrupt one of our services with that sort of garbage!) You can rest assured, our leaders are guarded and protected by the finest or the finest money can buy.
Yours in Jesus Christ! J.D. Stephens
We had the wonderful and exhilarating experience of seeing our candidate John McCain and The Vice President of the United States speak here in Columbus, Ohio the other evening. It was a majestic scene when Dick Cheney came into the hall proceeded by a phalanx of his Black Water security guards resplendent in their black uniforms and bright silver insignia. When the light caught one of their silver crosses, and shot beams of divine light out into the crowd, it was truly something to behold. Mr. Cheney was followed by his US secrete service guards, is if they could compare with Black Water. Next came John McCain himself surrounded by another contingent of Black Water security. All around the hall you could spot elate members of the Republican Guard who could step in at a moments notice to quell any undue violence or inappropriate banners, t-shirts etc. (Remember what the R.G. did to that ugly woman who wore a Kerry for President t-shirt in ’04? She’ll never walk again; much less disrupt one of our services with that sort of garbage!) You can rest assured, our leaders are guarded and protected by the finest or the finest money can buy.
J.D. Hintz
It’s a complete and utter disgrace when the US wastes its money upon new ways to kill people, when it can use this very money to give aid to the suffering population of Iraq. What’s even more deplorable and abhorrent, though, is when sites like this CELEBRATE such shameful injustices.