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Briefly Patriotic - Smut Free Cell Service

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How many times have you picked up your cell phone to call the police to report the murder of a pre-born and wound up on some sex line because secular cell phone companies care more about promoting filth than giving you good, smut-free service?  How many times have you got a text message asking if you’d like to perform some lewd and indecent act?  If you’re as tired of it as I am, then there’s real good news – introducing The American Center for Law and Justice cell phone service company!  That’s right, Jay Sekulow’s ACLJ is now offering Christian cell phone service at competitive rates AND when you subscribe, you’re helping to stop homos, Satanists, lie-berals, pedophiles and other members of the Democrat party from gaining a further foothold in the United States of America because part of the price goes to fund the American Center for Law And Justice.  So if you’re tired of getting your cell phone calls routed by Satan, then get on over to www.ACLJwireless.com and you’ll never have to talk to a homo again!

Briefly Patriotic - Smut Free Cell Service

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15 Comments so far

  1. me July 24th, 2008 2:35 pm

    “So if you’re tired of getting your cell phone calls routed by Satan, then get on over to http://www.ACLJwireless.com and you’ll ”

    get your calls routed TO satan instead.

    HAIL ERIS.
    you totalitarian thumbsucker.

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  2. Bubba July 24th, 2008 10:07 pm

    But BBN, when you talk to yourself, your talkin to a homo.

    Bubba

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  3. J.D. Stephens July 24th, 2008 10:34 pm

    Why didn’t the media cover John McCain’s day in Ohio? In case these liberal bastards don’t know, Ohio is part of the USA. Germany is not and that’s what got covered: that Obama in Germany. How I hate all non-believers and democrats, may Jesus strike them down for their blasphemous lies! As if any God fearing Christian cares what he does much less what he does in a foreign, ungrateful nation. Didn’t we liberate them from the terror that was World War Two? And this is how they pay us back? John McCain spent the day with real, 100%, Christian Americans. And isn’t that what we expect from a President? You won’t find Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Our Leader and Commander-In-Chief - Jesus protect him and praise his name! – In a foreign giving speeches that do nothing but give aid and comfort to our sworn enemies.

    Jesus is Love!
    Death to the Mohamadians!

    Yours in Christ, J.B. Stephens

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  4. Proud German July 25th, 2008 3:27 am

    “How many times have you picked up your cell phone to call the police to report the murder of a pre-born and wound up on some sex line because secular cell phone companies care more about promoting filth than giving you good, smut-free service? ”

    Never. As long as you´re not too dumb to type in the right phine number, this won´t happen.

    “How many times have you got a text message asking if you’d like to perform some lewd and indecent act?”

    Never. You see, I´m not giving anyone and his dog my cell number. Especially not some corporation. They´ll only sell it to others and I´d be swamped with spam.

    “Germany is not and that’s what got covered: that Obama in Germany. How I hate all non-believers and democrats, may Jesus strike them down for their blasphemous lies!”

    What lies? He was in Berlin, he held a speech in front of about 215.000 people and hell, he won more hearts and minds in that single speech than Bush in his entire carreer. (Hell, the guy has a 72% approval rating over here, that´s more than Mrs. Merkel!)

    “As if any God fearing Christian cares what he does much less what he does in a foreign, ungrateful nation. ”

    Ungrateful? Why? Because we don´t support your idiotic quagmire in Iraq, yet do our job in Afghanistan?

    “Didn’t we liberate them from the terror that was World War Two?”

    Talking as if you have won WWII all alone. Only americans and russians have the gall to do that. And the russians have actually more of a right than the yanks.

    ” John McCain spent the day with real, 100%, Christian Americans. And isn’t that what we expect from a President?”

    Maintaining international relations is an integral part of a president´s job.

    “You won’t find Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Our Leader and Commander-In-Chief - Jesus protect him and praise his name! – In a foreign giving speeches that do nothing but give aid and comfort to our sworn enemies. ”

    I´m now simply going to point out that George W. Bush has been in Germany, holding speeches less than 3 months ago.

    The German Guy
    IMPEACH BUSH!

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  5. Abbie Kaufman July 25th, 2008 8:03 am

    Obama wants to pull troops out of the Viet-raq quagmire and war crimes only to get them bogged down in the Afghanis-nam quagmire and war crimes! “Obama,the Prince of Bait-and-Switch” by John Pilger http://www.lewrockwell.com/pilger/pilger66.html

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  6. J.D. Stephens July 25th, 2008 9:54 pm

    Dear German Guy;

    After the election of John McCain, we intend to continue with the implementation of President Bush’s Faith Based Initiatives. One of these, in conjunction with the work of the illustrious Dr. Karl Rove (a winner of the Medal of Freedom), was to “get the bugs out of our democracy”. We’re not going to change democracy, so much as fix the inherent problems that render some of it obsolete, sort of just bring it up to date for our times.

    Case in point: Free Speech is not a right it’s a privilege. Those who abuse it, (such as your self) will be in for some harsh punishment…as Vice President Cheney so aptly put it “A little dunking never hurt anybody.” No more liberal, Democrat and Homosexual lies! What a breath of fresh air! We also intend to bring Jesus Christ out of the shadows and put Him in the forefront our country, government and crusades. Anyone who doesn’t like it…well…a little dunking…

    Fight on Christian solders
    Marching on to War
    With the Sword of Jesus
    Going on Before!

    …There’s a lot of truth in that old Christian spiritual, especially these days!
    McCain is the only one who can save us now the President and Mr. Cheney’s time is growing short….

    If Obama wins, we will all die at the hands of the Mohamadians!

    Yours in Christ, J.D. Stephens

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  7. Proud German July 28th, 2008 3:18 am

    “After the election of John McCain, ”

    So, never.

    “One of these, in conjunction with the work of the illustrious Dr. Karl Rove (a winner of the Medal of Freedom), was to “get the bugs out of our democracy”.”

    What bugs? That pesky issues with free choice of opinions?

    “We’re not going to change democracy, so much as fix the inherent problems that render some of it obsolete, sort of just bring it up to date for our times. ”

    I wonder how that will work without a majority in Congress. And the clear fact that the system´s working as is. Better than any authoritarian stuff I should add.

    “Case in point: Free Speech is not a right it’s a privilege.”

    Case in point: The Constitution disagrees with you.

    ” Those who abuse it, (such as your self) will be in for some harsh punishment…as Vice President Cheney so aptly put it “A little dunking never hurt anybody.” ”

    All I cans ay to such stupid threats is: Bring it. Try to violate the laws of another country and try getting me without getting a few bullets popped into your skull.

    And of course, any attempt to change the laws in that direction will bring the full force of an enraged american public down on the perpetrator.

    ” No more liberal, Democrat and Homosexual lies! What a breath of fresh air! We also intend to bring Jesus Christ out of the shadows and put Him in the forefront our country, government and crusades. Anyone who doesn’t like it…well…a little dunking…”

    And we attempt to never let that happen.
    Serious answer: It simply won´t happen becuase the Founding Fathers were smart enough to build in safeguards for exact this occassion of some tyrrannical assholes trying to take over things.
    Jokingly: Anyone who doesn’t like it…well…a little nuking…

    “If Obama wins, we will all die at the hands of the Mohamadians!”

    Bull, the muslims don´t even have the means to do anything coming even remotely close.

    The German Guy
    IMPEACH BUSH!

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  8. J.D. Hintz July 30th, 2008 11:00 pm

    Apparently, German Guy, you are not aware that our (us Christians and True God fearing Republicans) are already on the march toward victory and many of our goals have already been accomplished.

    The only thing that can stop us is the election of that democrat (I can’t even stomach saying his name) and a greater democrat majority in the congress.

    Halliburton has already build a string facilities to be used for relocation/re-education of dissidents, trouble makers, and those who might need a little help coming to Jesus inn the middle and boarder states. Those who won’t swear allegiance to John McCain, George W. Bush and Richard Cheney will make the list. And when the time comes….

    We also intend to roll back a few of the amendments that should never have been passed. That Clinton woman getting as far as she got should give you clue as to one of them.

    What Man has made in error, Man can make right.

    Yours in Christ, J.D. Stephens

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  9. Peter Pan July 31st, 2008 8:20 pm

    I have NEVER received a text message asking me if I’d like to perform some lewd and indecent act. The Bible said that we True Christians would be persecuted but this is riduculous! I’m sooooo persecuted…

    Let me know where and how I can complaint about this and I’ll giddy up to it!

    Thank you!

    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  10. Bean-O August 1st, 2008 12:40 am

    “How many times have you picked up your cell phone to call the police to report the murder of a pre-born and wound up on some sex line because secular cell phone companies care more about promoting filth than giving you good, smut-free service? How many times have you got a text message asking if you’d like to perform some lewd and indecent act?”

    Can’t say I’ve ever had that happen.

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  11. TheGreenFarie August 1st, 2008 5:40 pm

    Yea but since switching over to Satan ™ i havent had one dropped call.

    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  12. Malkavian Jeff August 1st, 2008 5:43 pm

    So does this phone zaps me when I say something immoral?

    Oh and if I switch to Satan’s phone service, I get free minutes (roll over), no dropped calls, and unlimited roaming time.

    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  13. JonnyTruant August 2nd, 2008 12:32 am

    J.D. Stephens, it sounds an awful lot like you’re talking about a fascist state. Your way or no way at all. If you don’t like Democracy, I suggest you leave the country. They have something more along the lines of what you want in Iran, Syria, or Saudi Arabia.

    As far as the phone service, they talk about liberal lies, yet show no fear in lying to sell their service. Nowhere does 911 send you on to phone sex service. It’s already illegal to solicit via cell phone or text, unless you’ve given your information to a company in expectation of their service. The whole concept is silly beyond belief.

    Genuflect to Bush, Cheney, and Rove all you want. Lying for Jesus, threatening death or punishment for not following your narrow ideal, and asking Jesus to praise G W Bush’s name all sound like acts for which you’d get condemned. If you’re such a true believer, you should really consider your own actions before condemning others’. I mean, talking about Jesus’ love and then calling for the deaths of billions sounds like a rather loose translation of His teachings.

    I don’t solicit Satan Mobile service. I don’t believe in it. I’ll stick with T-Mobile, thanks.

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  14. J.D. Hintz August 3rd, 2008 12:19 pm

    John McCain, Dr. Karl Rove, The President and Vice President just want to help American, not harm it! What we good Republicans want to do if fix the problems with Democracy to help people be more free!

    It’s a lot like our President’s “Help America Vote” program. It fixes the problem where sometimes the wrong people get elected. In fact, we need not go through all the trouble of performing the actual voting anymore since it’s obvious that the vast majority of Americans want Mr. McCain, Mr. Lieberman be our next leaders in conjunction with Vice President Cheney and Dr. Rove working in the background.

    And speaking of Dr. Rove, it a blessing, and a sorrow that he’s left our President’s side to work on the McCain Campaign. The Paris Hilton ad is brilliant and it exposes all they (if you know what I mean) want to do to our virginal white women! Can you imagine the horror and the terror our women face if the get any power?

    I digress…So all that needs to be done if feed the population counts into our wonderful Diebolt Voting machines and we’ll have the proper counts. Simple?

    If you don’t agree with any of the above, may the sword of Jesus strike you down!

    Yours in Christ, J.D. Stephens

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  15. J.D. Hintz August 4th, 2008 8:35 pm

    For more Jesus/McCain/Bush oriented information and comment, visit:

    http://mccaincan.blogspot.com/

    Yours in Christ, J.D. Stephens
    Jesus is just and merciful, The Sword of Christ is never wrong!
    Death to the Mohamadians!
    Death to all those who oppose George W. Bush and John McCain!

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