Archive for the 'Technical' Category
Python: You are the weakest link!
Friends,
You might have noticed that my posts have been rather infrequent - the truth is I’ve been giving virtually every spare moment I have to the McCain campaign: We owe it to Jesus to help the Republican party any way we can! We must guarantee another four years of Republican government. And between you and me, when John McCain gets elected I’ve been promised an important role as the new Presidential Data-retention advisor!
As STR’s senior technology correspondent I’m often asked why it is that the open-source freetards have failed to catch-up with even ten-year old mainstream technology such as Windows 2000. While many people suspect the answer is the self-limiting communistic dogma that software has to be free, the truth is far more complex:
A serious examination of Linux will reveal that much of it is built from a hodge-podge of incompatible “scripting languages” rather than real programming languages; this naturally results in sluggish performance and the unpredictability of a bucking-bronco. But what is a scripting language?
Real programming languages such as C++, C# and VB.Net are serious affairs that build highly optimized code suitable for any component of an operating system. Serious products like Microsoft Word and Microsoft’s cmd.exe are built entirely using these solid, trustworthy tools.
On the other hand scripting languages such as “python”, “perl” and “ruby” are built as educational toys or pranks. While they have a place in the hobbyists toolbox, and as lessons in what future language designers should avoid their slow execution and costly memory overhead make them unsuitable for any important or business critical task.
The serious programming languages are noteworthy for their long-lasting appeal: VB.Net is as stable, flexible and easy to learn as the original Visual Basic released almost 15 years ago. On the other hand, new-kid Python is the latest craze amongst open-sourcers despite only having reached version 2.5! The Python language is notorious fror it’s frequently changing, incomprehensible syntax - it’s virtually impossible to make a program that runs in any consistent way for a period of time.
Astonishingly the Linuxers have yet to realize this - many components of Ubuntu and Redhat (two somewhat popular kinds of Linux Kernel) use Python for their package updater - see our previous Linux 8.04 review for just how bad this experience was!
Ultimately, if these Linuxes ever want to grow up and be ready for the world of business they will need to abandon these development fads and embrace what is tried, tested and true. This year Python is the fashonable language, but next year the freetards might decide that Perl is “in” again… and then what next? How can any serious power-user keep up with these rapidly changing bizarrely named tool-chains? The answer is that they will be avoided.
Jimmy G
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39 commentsMySQL: The harpooned dolphin
Did you read last week’s big IT news: According to many of our sources, Sun Microsystems has bought a little known database maker called MySQL. You might not have heard of this company, but it’s product is very popular amongst the Linux community where it was the number one choice for people who choose their technology based on ideology rather than technical features.
The old MySQL logo, designed by the same Linux freaks who gave the world that fat penguin. Once the Sun take-over is complete I doubt we will be seeing much of this dolphin, he will be replaced by Sun’s familiar logo.
Many of our readers are wondering what this corporate power-play means for American business: The answer is that it will not have a significant impact simply because most companies who took time to evaluate which database product to use might have identified the potential threat to business of adopting an open source technology.
According to the Linux fan community, MySQL has a reputation for speed and reliability, however our attempt to independently verify these claims did not confirm what the open-sourcers believe. Within minutes of installing MySQL server on my Windows Vista workstation I experienced a complete system crash. According to Microsoft’s technical support, this crash would almost certainly not have occurred had I been using their SQL server product.
Dolphins harpooned to be eaten as meat - a sight not unfamiliar to residents of savage nations. There are some who claim that certain species of dolphin may become extinct… What does this remind you of?
It seems that this threat has come true; MySQL were once considered a mainstay of the ?Open Source? software movement. They took pride in bundling their software with almost any Linux operating system that was willing to sign-up to their viral GPL license. According to leading industry analysts these caring-sharing days are soon to end as Sun will be looking to monetize their somewhat questionable investment.
MySQL lacks many of the enterprise features of rival database products like Oracle, and Microsoft’s industry standard SQL server. MySQL is seen by most IT professionals as a poor man’s choice on account of the fact that it does not include a modern graphical user-interface (commands must be typed in via an obsolete command kernel). The image above shows MySQL running on a mac - it’s not very impressive is it?
These days businesses have modern tools such as Microsoft Access. Why on earth would anybody prefer MySQL?
Most industry analysts predict that Sun’s MySQL grab will prevent future releases of their product on Linux, Mac and Windows. It’s a giant bait and switch campaign in which customers who got hooked in my MySQL’s summer-of-love free for all, suddenly find themselves with a big bill to pay and nowhere to run:
Customers who wish to continue using MySQL will need to switch to Sun’s expensive hardware and software if they wish to continue operations. It is somewhat questionable how much profit this highwayman strategy will yield. Sun’s operating system is based on UNIX, invented by the SCO Group. Unfortunately, even SCO have been forced to admit that customers no longer want UNIX.
Also, it’s worth pointing out that MySQL is the M in ‘LAMP’ the somewhat popular open-source alternative to Microsoft’s ASP.Net. This could herald the break-up of the once happy LAMP family as giant corporations hurry to strip the assets from this once promising application stack. MySQL are the first to go… what about Perl (the P in LAMP).
Smart businesses will do what Shelley The Republican does: Keep it 100% Windows and keep buying American. It’s the only way to survive in these turbulent times.
Jimmy
41 commentsThe “Nano-Effect” : Signs of decay in Eurasia
Dear Friends
The current auto-landscape very much reflects the spirit of the nation who produces the cars. Look at America for example. Proud American brands like Chrysler, General Motors and Ford building cars that are comfortable, big and just make you think: It’s good to be an American!
My former employee Tristan Shuddery once said: “Everything worth owning has been either invented or developed in the USA.” This rings especially true when it comes to cars. Lets take a look at the insignificant rest of the world: They stole a term invented by Apple Inc. which is “Nano” and basically means “Small” or “Tiny” and use it to market their cars! I am talking about the so called “Nano Effect”, the obsession to make everything as small as possible.
Why is it that safety and comfort don’t count to Europeans? The simple answer is: They can’t afford it no more! They refused for years to adopt the American business models of free enterprise and therefore their economy is going down the crapper! It also doesn’t help that they let millions of towelheads into their countries that loot the welfare offices.
Some people say that the German car models we know are not even sold in Germany any more. The average Porsche you know, or the Audi or the Mercedes are only built for the US-market, in Germland however, they have their “Nano-style” models.
Let’s all get down on our knees and thank the Lord and the Leader for keeping the American economy strong and the American spirit vibrant, so we don’t have to suffer the “Nano-effect”. We in America still enjoy all the comfort and luxury we can buy, because God wants us to!
With this great car you can do 100 Mph and hit a Smart Car and not even notice it!
God bless America!
Thanks for reading!
Shelley N. Goodman
32 commentsSatanic Ubuntu Linux : What more do you need to know?
Folks,
we at ShelleyTheRepublican said it all along: Linux is utterly un-American, linux is harmful to our society, it’s unsafe and it’s basically just Russian spyware! No true American will ever even consider using anything else then the good old Windows!
I just recently found out that there is actually a Satanic edition of the Linux game called: “Ubuntu”.
Check out the video:
Unnamed sources though say that the goal in this Ubuntu game is to hunt and kill Christians.
This has to stop. As much as I really dislike my former employee Tristan J. Shuddery (may he rest in peace), he was right about the dangers of Linux.
Thanks for reading,
Shelley N. Goodman
WiFi: Our Technological Nightmare
Friends,
Are you as concerned as I about a brand-new technology called “WiFi” which might already be harming our kids. Instead of using traditional cables and telephone lines, WiFi, puts the Internet into radio-signals beamed far above our heads, but what happens when something goes wrong?
A Wi-Fi base-station is more-usually called an ‘airport’, the first ever Airport was made by Apple computer because they needed a more effective method of distributing liberal pro-abortion videos around their Cupertino campus. According to leading scientists, having an Airport in your home could expose your children to harmful radiation.
If you stand too close to a WiFi transmitter, instead of bouncing harmlessly off the stratosphere, the signal can go directly through you, a hazard completely undocumented and denied by WiFi manufacturers. This radiation can be almost entirely eliminatd by placing the Airport in a fully-enclosing lead box, however after countless hours of searching for this sensible safety device, we have yet to find a single retailer brave enough to stock this product. Perhaps this is an opportunity for the rapidly-expanding Christian-retail sector to exploit?
Even if you manage to shield yourself from the dangerous WiFi radiation, leading family groups are becoming concerned that WiFi has no content filtering standard. A WiFi connection literally imposes no restrictions on what kids are allowed to download.
Case in point, the new OLPC - a communist vision of WiFi enabled computing came without any content filtering. As a result, the African children who were to be the first unlucky recipients of these computers soon found them overwhelmed by porn and viruses.
When African evangelicals called to ask what to do with OLPC laptops which have been corrupted by pornography, my simple advice was to burn every affected device, plus any that may have been within WiFi - range of infected machines. I explained that porn is like a virus and WiFi provides unlimited means of infection. Sadly the children are now without their laptops, but on the positive side, none of them will ever again be subjected to the temptation of an unfiltered WiFi connection.
Since these computers were too underpowered to run a modern operating system, they had no choice but to but to burn these hazardous machines and wait until Jesus saw fit to give them enough money to afford a full-sized computer running the state-of-the-art Windows Vista.
Jack Thompson, a leading expert in video-game violence and pornography: He has fought and won many battles against the liberal media who are desperate to corrupt your children with obscene games like “Hot Coffee”. Today he is helping concerned parents fight against the WiFi menace, which sneaky video-game manufacturers have put into games-consoles and even toys!
To find out more about this troubling technology, I asked Jack Thompson, a senior fellow of the STR institute, and one of America’s leading campaigners for family morality: Thompson invited me to his “crime-lab” where he would put on a demonstration:
I asked Jack to outline a worst-case scenario - just how dangerous could this WiFi be? The results were shocking: He demonstrated a normal looking Windows laptop, however one which secretly had been equipped with an Airport-Extreme chip. Jack explained that it was not possible to remove the WiFi from this laptop because it has been built into the computer’s mother-board.
Next he carefully switched on an ‘airport’: He explained that in certain cities one would not even need to switch such a device on, because their incredible 50 mile range would ensure that just about every kid in America was in range of one of these evil devices without parental knowledge.
Once the private domain of sinister closet-dwelling liberals, the growth of WiFi means that they can bring their obscene pornography into any location. This liberalwas caught teaching children how to surf for porn in a high-school playground.
Finally, he demonstrated that with a few simple key-presses and mouse clicks he had managed to connect the laptop to some kind of gay-porn server. Within minutes he had downloaded what appears to be hours of disgusting hard-core homosexual pornography. I was almost sick over the laptop, watching the sodomites guarantee their place in hell. Later Jack explained that as we were standing directly between the Airport and his laptop the gay-porn was actually traveling through us. Then I really was sick. And after I had cleared up, Jack and I prayed in the name of Jesus to save America from this evil.
I believe that Jack’s demonstration could not have been more persuasive: Under the Clinton government, valuable radio-frequencies were just given away to Apple for their Airports. Jack believes this is unlawful, which is why we are forced to take the FCC to court. Jack hasdiligently forwarded all of the homosexual filth-porn to the court as part of out initial filing. This is evidence that I expect will be as persuasive to the judge as it was to me.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
6 commentsWindows Vista : Reliability meets Design
Dear Friends,
If you are looking for a stable, secure and good looking operating system, there is no alternative to Windows Vista. Only Windows Vista includes the latest state-of-the-art security features like Windows Defender, the best optimization tools like the Defragmenter, the most advanced entertainment applications like the Windows Media Player and the leading word processing applications like Notepad.
(click on the thumbnail above)
This is my computer screen, friends. Only with Windows Vista I can handle my high workload and still manage to be productive and creative! God bless Windows Vista (wait a sec, He already did!).
Our blog (the one you are reading right now) is hosted on windows vista. The hosting upgrade from Linux to Windows XP increased the uptime from 77% to 95% and the upgrade from Windows XP to Windows Vista has increased the uptime to a proud 99.5%, even though we are attacked by terrorist hackers every single day. No hacker has been able to bring our website down since the hosting is done by Vista. It?s virtually unhackable.
This is a Mac OS screenshot. Many experts agree that the Apple operating system is one of the most unstable there are. The reason some people actually still buy apple might be that it’s the Homosexual’s favorite computer.
As you know, I am a person, deeply committed to the beauty in this world. As your lifestyle correspondent on this website, I have brought many issues of the good taste to your attention. And that is another point I love Windows Vista for. It?s truly a never-ending source of eye candy! No other operating system even comes close to the beautiful designs of Windows Vista. Linux looks more or less as it has been designed by retarded children and Mac OS looks like a it has been designed in the early 70s.
You might say, ?Ok, looks aren?t everything so, what about the technical aspect??
Rest assured, friends, no other OS even comes close when it comes to the latest technology. Only Windows operates on top of the famous ?DOS ? Technology?. DOS has been developed by the NASA and it was used to control and operate the space shuttle in the early 1990s.
Linux. Boring, ugly, gray. And because it’s not based on the advanced “DOS-Technology” it’s unstable, too.
Dear Readers, there is no good reason to use anything else than Windows Vista. In case you are not using Vista yet, I urge you to switch to the only Godly OS there is!
I like to take this opportunity and thank Mr. Bill Gates for bringing us Windows and especially Windows Vista. Thanks so much, Mr. Gates, you made using a computer fun. God bless you.
Yours,
Shelley The Republican
Join us on Facebook
Friends,
STR’s facebook ministry is just beginning. We are determined to use Facebook to spread the word of the Lord. It’s a well known fact that Facebook harbous left-wing, homosexual and pro-abortion groups. Shelley and I feel that Facebook could be the next center of online-evangelism.
Stop in the name of Morality! STR plans to become a force for moral behavior on the lawless facebook network. Do you have what it takes to be a Facebook Pastor, and help facebookers understand the dangers of abortion, homosexuality and false religions?
Please join Shelley, Billy and myself and help build a movement of Conservative Christian’s on the network. All you have to do is visit my profile and then add me as a friend. Please leave your prayers, article ideas or comment on my “wall”. Together we can take-over Facebook in the name of Jesus Christ!
Yours in Christ,
Tristan
12 commentsUbuntu ? Why It Is Wrong For America
There’s been a real “buzz” about Ubuntu. The ‘techie’ magazines and the nerds who read them have been talking about it like they’d just seen Laura Croft naked. An ‘Ubuntu’, in case you’re normal and haven’t heard, is a form of “operating system”, and the such is it’s popularity that “ubuntu” is now one of the Top 20 searched terms according to the Googler, right up there with ’sodomy’, ‘Britney Spears” and fat America-hater ‘michael moore’.
Clearly this Ubuntu must be pretty vile!
Further investigation shows that the Ubuntu is an especially hateful form of what computer expert Steve Balmer called “The Linux virus”. Foruntately the claims made by the Ubuntu company somewhat over-blow their potential to take-over the world. For example, Ubuntu is based on the outmoded “Debian” Linux distribution which is notoriously difficult to install. Most users who have attempted to install the product have given up in frustration. Those are the lucky ones: Once it is on a PC it is almost impossible to remove. According to a Department of Defence study, the only way to fully eliminate it is to remove and physically destroy your computer’s hard disk.
Research shows Ubuntu is originally from South Africa and was created by a Mark Shuttleworth, a former entrepreneur who made a bazillion dollars through a thing called Capitalism. Having made his money, Mark has decided that nobody else should get rich, and that is why he’s set about de-stabilizing our economy with his Linux software. Because Mark is a born-again commie (the worst kind) he gives Ubuntu away for free to everyone: free, free, free! But don’t ask Mark for any money, he won’t give you any of that. He will only give you a stupid Ubuntu disk. The money he keeps!
This poor creature is being tortured by the Ubuntu testing team: They want to know if it will have the same harmful effect on beasts as it does on humans. The answer: Yes
Ubuntu (from the Swahili term meaning ?We will rape your children?) is the very opposite of Redmond, WA’s awesome Vista Home Server operating systems. For example, Vista includes powerful blogging tools such as notepad.exe, which I sued to write this article. Last time I checked, Linix contained no equivalent of this versatile tool. While Vista is a slick, professional and scalable OS, Ubuntu is only kept ‘free’ by the judicious use of cheap, South African labor, often using intimidation, threats, and even outright violence to keep workers in line, slavishly marching towards the Ubuntu Management team’s brutal deadlines.
Employee relations have never been worse at Ubuntu Co. Would you want to use software developed under conditions like this? Those of us who wish to make a moral stand should reject this criminal software.
When Ubuntu has so little going for it, it should come as no surprise that the sales team will stop at nothing to excessively hype and lie about the Ubuntu product to get it into your kids’ hands. Just look at the latest marketing campaign: it’s nothing but mixed-race pornography! That the previous advertising campaign had nothing but filthy black Rap music and swear-words should come as no surprise. What next, Ubuntu on pink CDs? Ubuntu with an arabic ‘halal’ symbol?
A recent advertising campaign for Ubuntu Linux: This explicitly sexual message is as much an advert for inter-racial fornication as it is for a computer program. Would Microsoft have considered this acceptable? Surely not.
As I have previously mentioned, the installation routine is a joke: The preferred method of installation is via CD, which is ironic given that Ubuntu do not physically distribute CDs themselves, relying on a network of pirats, criminal hackers and scofflaws called “bittorrent” to do their dirty work for them. Obtaining the CD “image file”, requires the user to descend into a cess-pit of piracy sites where these disk-images are offered alongside explicit pornography and instruction manuals for manufacturing WMDs. By comparison, Microsoft’s excellent Vista is shipped on reliable CDs in an attractive plastic box, or more usually pre-installed on your Vista ready computer. Now tell me, which company has the most sensible distribution model?
Having installed the files, the Ubuntards had saved the worst for last: It’s network installation was preposterous, requiring me to input all manner of numbers called “IP Addresses”. These are silly dotted numbers like 10.1.1.256.432. Why should any of this be required to use the Internet? Once again, Microsoft has the right idea - they include all the numbers you need on the installation CD.
Ubuntu’s text-based login-screen seems woefully inadequate compared to the gleaming sophistication of Vista Home Server. This is perhaps the main reason why Ubuntu is not yet ready for the desktop.
What level of technical support do you expect for this “free” product? The Ubuntu network operations center, the technical nerve-center of the Ubuntu support team, is just a phone queue to nowhere. Ubuntu (from the Mandinga tribal language meaning ?We will violate your hot blonde cheerleaders?) even dares to suggest this “cost saving” of having no tech support is being passed on to you!
An actual photo of the Ubuntu help-desk. Notice that there is no real person working there. If you get stuck with Ubuntu then you are on your own. Windows on the other hand provides a collection of attractive animation characters including the popular “Clippy” who can troubleshoot any kind of problem without making a call.
You really need to ask yourself some fundamental things about Ubuntu: if it’s so free, why does it cost so much time and effort to install? Ubuntu is made by afro-hippy communists who work under slave labor conditions. And being from South Africa they would love nothing more then to undermine America, because they are jealous of the freedoms people have here. Freedom is never free, and neither is this horrible Ubuntu OS!
America is a great land, filled with wide open pastures, where cattle graze endless pasture and majestic eagles soar. Here you can enjoy the incredible benefits brought about by living in the greatest land ever known to mankind. You can eat tasty cheeseburgers, and thanks to hard-working American innovators, you can buy all the cheeseburgers you can eat for under ten dollars. I do not think the South-Africans would be so jealous if they had all the great things we take for granted.
Entrepreneurship and hard work are what made America what it is today. Just look at Bill Gates! Don’t let Ubuntu talk you into this nonsense about things being free, the best thing for everyone is business competition. That’s just back-door communism. Once your computer software becomes free what next? Free health care? Free bourbon for the unemployed? Free money? Lets not get onto the slippery slope of hand-out dependancy.
I’ve got an idea: Ubuntu (from the Soweto township slang meaning ?Your white women say they don’t…. but they do?) should be used as an insult such as: ?kick him in the ubuntu? or ?what a stupid ubuntu you dumb ubuntu? or ?if you ever come back here I will ubuntu your ubuntu… ubuntu?. Only when people revile the word Ubuntu, will people finally understand the danger it poses.
Ubuntu? Ubuntu to you!
“Always Right”
Charles ?Chuck? Roast III
66 commentsAre the blue-states training terrorist-hackers to steal the 2008 election?
Friends,
The 2008 elections are still a long time away, and while we Republicans are busy defining policies that guarantee American freedom, already ultra-leftist groups have already begun plotting how to steal the election.
For example in these East-Coast liberals have decided to share the secrets of America’s electronic voting machines with a bunch of linux-using, pot-smoking hacker outlaws.
According to the wingnut-ocrats, this is a “precautionary measure” intended to find “flaws” in the voting system, but is that really their motive? Why are they really allowing suspected criminals access to the proprietary technology that powers the world’s greatest Democracy?
Diebold election machines like this are programed to help Americans vote the way they want, and guarantee another Republican victory in 2008. Liberals hate Diebold because they hate Democracy and the American way of life.
“Letting the hackers have the source codes, operating manuals and unlimited access to the voting machines is like giving a burglar the keys to your house,” said Steve Weir, clerk-recorder of Contra Costa County and head of the state Association of Clerks and Election Officials. Why on earth would liberals want to allow a cabal of criminal hackers to gang-rape and sodomize our nation’s valuable intellectual property? As usual, the liberals have a dark agenda:
Criticism of our election infrastructure is undermining confidence in America’s democracy, which has only just recovered from Al Gore’s shameless attack on our constitution followed by his sore looser show after his failed 2000 election bid. It is not enough for liberals to trash our war-effort, they also want to undermine our confidence at home in order to bring about their victory.
Is 2008 is just a dry-run for the final show-down when our enemies will attempt to transform America into an Islamofascist dictatorship lead by grand-mullah Barak Obama? The Linux hackers are his evil pawns and will stop at nothing to undermine our Democracy.
Liberals know that an unhappy society is one that is more likely to accept the Islamic revolution and an islamic leader: Barak Hussein Obama. What better way to make Americans unhappy than by spreading propaganda about our voting systems?
Do not believe the lies: These machines are perfect.
Thanks to unhinged liberals who have exposed our election secrets to a gang of unprincipled, unchurched computer-criminals the 2008 elections could be stolen by a gang of Daily Kossak hactivists who are hell-bent on bringing totalitarian dictatorship to the land of the free.
Now that we know that liberals are hacking the election we need to train our own anti-hackers to secretly undo the damage liberals are doing and restore a Republican balance to the 2008 election. We should simply re-program the machines to give Republican candidates a head-start and thus directly foil the sinister liberal hacker plans.
Yours in Christ,
Tristan J. Shuddery
33 commentsSTR is moving!
Dear Readers,
we are currently in the process of moving the website to more reliable, faster and more secure Windows Vista webhosting.
There might be temporary service interruptions withing the next 48 hours.
Kind regards,
The STR crew
Enjoy the new and faster hosting!
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