STR † THE FREEDOM BLOG

Friends,

Have you heard of a new project called “OLPC”, otherwise known as “One Laptop Per Child” - it’s the latest crazy product to come out of silicon valley, and the Linux people’s last ditch attempt to get anybody to use their product. Most computer experts know that Linux is not yet ready for the desktop, and I guess the Linux crowd know that too which is why they have chosen to put it on laptops designed for children. They cynically suspect that a younger audience will be prepared to accept a laptop which cannot play their favourite games.

The “state of the art” OLPC - this machine is primative compared to a modern Windows Vista laptop, so why are Linux fan-boys claiming that it is the best ever computer?

When I say “laptop”, this OLPC machine looks nothing at all like my modern Windows Vista based laptop. Vista is a marvel of modern American Christian engineering which allows me to run the world’s best software such as Microsoft Word (which I’m using to write to you now), and Microsoft Excel to do our Church accounts. AtShelleyTheRepublican .com we even use Microsoft Access to compile dossiers on suspected terrorists in our neighborhood. None of this would be possible without Windows Vista Home Premium Edition and Microsoft Office.

Is this what kids want? A laptop that cannot play great Christian games like “Left Behind: Eternal Forces” or Derek Smart’s Battlecruiser 3000AD. We also note that the OLPC project does not come with a standard Bible reference utility. Why have the OLPC developers rejected Jesus?

Unfortunately the OLPC does not run Windows or Office, and lacks any of the thousands of programs familiar to Windows power-users. Unfortunately due to short-sighted planning there is no way theOLPC users will ever be able to rectify this problem because contrary to the spirit of Open-source the OLPC does not include any programming features. It is not compatible with Microsoft Visual Basic.net the world’s best development system.

An early prototype of the OLPC designed for African villages. It’s designers attempted to save money by using rows of switches instead of keys, naturally this plan back-fired they way all Linux projects do. People were not prepared to accept an overtly anti-christian product.

The makers of the controversial Linux OS Program are currently being sued for over $3Bn in damages by SCO group, one of the companies that invented the Minix operating system from which Linux was copied. Linux’s dirty little secret known only to a few free-thinkers in the computer business is that it incorporates stolen SCO technologies such as “RCU”, a patented military-grade secret that is now being exported at a discounted rate to America’s enemies. Next time Al-Queda want to write a computer-virus you can be sure that they are using American-made RCU to help send porn to your family’s home computer.

Get ready for an explosive desktop experience… not! OLPC’s 2 dimensional user-interface reminds us of computing technology that is almost 20 years old. Why have the OLPC team turned their back on progress?

To me, this all seems like a big missed opportunity. What on earth is the purpose of providing low-cost laptops to the 3rd world other than to train up the next generation of outsourced laborers to do work for America. Unfortunately the OLPC does not include anything useful such as VB or call-centre training software.? I just don’t see how we benefit from this technological hand-out.

We at STR have a better suggestion. Why not take all the funds for the OLPC project and use it for something genuinely helpful. We propose a global bible-distribution / abstenance program which will teach people how to get to heaven and keep potential terrorist weapons like the OLPC out of dangerous foreign hands.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

Friends,

Not so long ago STR and I drew a great deal of fire from aggressive Linux using zealots for the ?crime? of pointing out that using Linux is contrary to the very spirit of American free enterprise. Such was the weight of this criticism that I was forced to re-examine my claims. Could I have got it wrong? Could over a thousand comments be incorrect?

No, we were not wrong - just as the Linux using trolls who like to bully sensible family-oriented conservative groups like ShelleyTheRepublican were trying to convince us that Linux is as American as Apple-Pie, it?s founder and long-time enemy of free-enterprise was busy selling Linux to known terrorists and members of what our President calls the Axis of Evil.

RMS as he likes to be known to his hacker friends has convinced Cuba, one of the most evil nations of the entire world to adopt Linux as it?s official operating system. Henceforth the communist party which controls all aspects of life in this despotic regime of pure evil has made it illegal to buy the American made Microsoft Windows. Cubans who are denied freedom of choice by the repressive Marxist government are no longer allowed to buy Windows, because according to Fidel Castro, it is a ?product of our imperialist oppressor?. Why does Castro hate America? Why does he forbid Cubans from importing great American products like Windows Vista?Please do not take my word for it, instead read what Rob Enderle, principal analyst of the Enderle group has to say about this matter. This is from Rob?s column at ITBusinessEdge, one of the most highly trusted sources of Information Technology news, and one that I personally rely on to stay ahead of the pack:

Linux, which isn?t really a product in my mind, as it co-defines the Open Source movement, is a brand. This brand has attributes that have been created over time and generally, at least for those that use it, represents something positive.
For some it represents the freedom to look at and mess with code, for others it represents ?free? as in free beer, and for some it represents a strong weapon against capitalism, particularly with regard to software. I?m sure we could add some additional attributes, but the one that concerns me is this new concept that it is anti-American.

So what could turn Rob from a passionate Linux advocate three years ago into one of it’s most vocal critics? Like most of our readers, Rob is proud to be an American, and nothing is as ugly as the blind-prejudice of Anti-Americanism. He continues:
Can you imagine the NSA IT manager trying to get funding for a Linux based project right now? We are dropping into an extended election where the war in Iraq, terrorism, and nationalism are likely to be major battlegrounds. On the economic front, China remains a huge concern and in many battles it too is likely to come up, particularly as these battles are fought in areas where unions are strong.

If I?m running against an incumbent (who probably has no clue about software at all) and I know some organization under them deployed Linux and that it is being positioned as anti-U.S., might I not use that in the election? ?Ladies and gentlemen I promise that under my administration we will not implement products like Linux that put the nation at risk, which contribute critical technology to the terrorists, and embolden our enemies.?

What a great election winning strategy. We at STR.com note with some dismay that Hillary Clinton, Al Gore and Barak Obama all have campaign sites which run on Linux. Could they display their utter contempt and loathing for America with any greater clarity than their choice of computer program? What’s so wrong with buying American? Windows Vista is the most technically advanced operating system ever built so why would Hillary Clinton prefer to use a product made by Eastern-European communists?

Anti-freedom activist and failed presidential candidate Albert Gore Jr claims to have invented the entire Internet, however in a display of arrogance and ignorance he has chosen to build his eco-lie website on a Linux web-server. Why does Al Gore hate America?

And if Rob Enderlie were correct, we would expect that the Pro-linuxists have begun exporting their anti-American philosophy and software to all of Democracy’s remaining enemies. As you might expect RMS has been selling his Linux software to communist governments like Venezuela and islamofascist rogue-states like Iran. As a result of this campaigning Iran now has a ?LUG?, a forum for pro-linux activism. Would they have achieved this if they had not first been provided with American technology to copy? Should we be comfortable that stolen American trade-secrets which have been put into Linux are now in our enemies hands?

These Cubans may appear harmless, but will that still be the case now that they have access to the stolen Linux technology? The USA once almost had to bomb the heck out of this trouble-making rogue-state, are they driving us to war once again? We Americans pray for peace every day, but unprovoked aggression cannot be ignored.

Let me spell this out to you: We are at war with an axis of evil who may already be using this stolen technology to help build the atomic weapons with which the Islamofascists hope will one day be used to kill your children. Please support the one American party who has not bought into the lie of Linux: The Republicans. Your votes and donations will help keep America and the world free of the triple threats of Communism, Islamofascism and Linux

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

Friends,

It’s been almost exactly a year since Shelley asked me to write a review of the new web-browser called Mozilla Firefox. Try as I might, I could not think of a single reason why any of our readers would care about this obsolete browser, the result of stripping Netscape Navigator of it’s features that would not work on Linux. The market has chosen the superior, more secure Internet Explorer and so have I. Mozilla FireFox is yesterday’s news.

As usual, Shelly has a knack of being right on the pulse of American culture. Although neither of us realized it at the time, Mozilla FireFox and just about every other product from the “Mozilla Foundation” contains an dread evil, possibly an evil that is as old as time itself and one which every single American and Christian should beware:

While monitoring a hacker chat-room, I observed that one of the hackers suggested typing “about:mozilla” into a web-browser, he claimed that something cool would happen. I put this code into Microsoft’s newest IE7 and nothing at all happened. Next I theorized that this might be a hacker code which would only work in the computer hacker’s favorite web-browser. I downloaded a copy of Mozilla FireFox onto a quarantine computer and typed the code in, and the results were shocking:

Every copy of Mozilla Firefox includes a hidden tract from the Satanist “Book of Mozilla”. Young impressionable kids in communist blue-states might be exposed to this kind of literature. Is this part of a liberal plan to turn young Americans away from God?

I saw a red page which contained a single quotation from a Satanist tract calling itself “The Book of Mozilla”. I searched MSN for more information about this book, and was astonished to find that despite being quoted from extensively no such book has ever been in print in America. Could this hidden book explain the motivations of the hackers who created Mozilla FireFox?

In order to find out I went to a hacker BBS called “IRC”, this is the place where Mozilla hackers are known to “hang out”. I asked a number of developers where I might find this book, but most denied it’s existence or claimed that it was “merely a joke”. Typical of linux hackers to joke about the anti-christ.

YOU (TristanShuddery) have joined #firefox
Topic for #firefox is ?http://firefox.com || Welcome to #firefox - Have a question about Mozilla Firefox? Just ask! Please wait for a response - we’re all in and out at different times. If nobody’s available to help, try asking in #firefox on irc.mozilla.org.?
TristanShuddery: Where can I find a copy of the “Book of Mozilla”? I’m a homosexual anti-American computer hacker just like you, so I need this book.
duckdown: You cant
TristanShuddery: Why not? I can pay for it? I told you I am a real hacker.
Drj: No, it does not exist
TristanShuddery: I saw quotes from it. It is REAL
Hollywood: It’s a secret… if I told you I would have to kill you
Drj: It’s a joke moron
Frakki: ROTFL
YogSothoth: Tristan, you suck!
Hollywood: Actually I have a copy of it
TristanShuddery: Tell me about it
Hollywood: Yes, it’s hand-bound in human hide
Frakki: Ha ha ha
Hollywood: It was written the mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred
TristanShuddery: Are you a satanist?
YOU (TristanShuddery) have been kicked from #firefox (you have been banned)

Could it be that I was getting close to the truth? “Hollywood” whoever he is was being prevented from revealing too much about this cult of Mozilla? He clearly said that the book was written by an “Arab”, could this be a connection to Al-Queda?

I found myself cut off from the channel and unable to log back in, clearly somebody was concerned that I already knew too much about the book of Mozilla.

Over the next few days I received a large number of emails advertising disgusting pornography and homosexual services. Could it be that the servants of Mozilla had hacked my computer and stolen my email address. These messages were intended as a warning for me to stay out of their way.

An artist’s representation of what “Mozilla” might look like.

What could all this mean? I suspect I have exposed a coven of cultists who are hell-bent on forcing their “old religion” upon Christian America. Their “gift” of open-source software is the first step which will ultimately lead to all of our damnation, and that is why we at ShelleyTheRepublican.com will re-dedicate ourselves to stomping out this evil.

An artist’s impression of what “The Book of Mozilla” may look like. Extracts from this occult manual of witchcraft are included in versions of Mozilla Firefox and may have inspired the “Harry Potter” novels by J. K. Rowling.

From tomorrow any reader of the STR.com site who uses Mozilla Firefox will be “redirected” to a page we have prepared containing carefully selected biblical tracts. Shelley and I believe that this is the best way to counteract the scourge of satanism.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

UPDATE: One alert reader has informed me that at least one college library in Arkham, MT has a copy of this book. I’ve asked BBN to investigate as his ministry is based around the Boston Area. Together we will get to the bottom of this conspiracy. If you have any more information, please submit it below.

Friends,

The other day Sony USA announced that they would ban pornographic movies from their next-generation DVD players called “Blu-Ray”. Any movie maker who attempts to distribute a pornographic movie on the Blu Ray platform will find their license revoked and all of their movies deactivated by Sony’s invention: DRM.

Thanks to this techology, Sony can make Blu-Ray players that are unable to play certain harmful disks. For example if a DVD is found to contain an overtly liberal or pro-terrorist message Sony can prevent every single one of their players from playing it. This fixes one of the biggest problems with the existing DVD players. Anybody can make old-style DVD content - even Al-Queda. There is no way to ensure that content developers are morally responsible.

Sony have taken taken a great moral lead: They’ve given us the freedom to be free from sickening filth and pornography. That’s just about the only freedom that counts in media today. We at STR.com wonder why other manufacturers have failed to take such a principled stand against one of the greatest threats that face America. In particular we wonder when makers of Linux based media players will give their products a moral upgrade.

Elegance and Sophistication: This amazing Sony Blue-Ray player can be yours for a mere $999. Great content such as Fox TV’s 24 will be on sale before March 2007, so there will be no shortage of great shows and movies to watch. This player includes the world’s most advanced DRM - the technology that guarantees your freedom to keep buying great products. By supporting DRM you are helping to protect American industry from evil foreign pirates and communist hackers, but best of all you are protecting your family from amoral foreign influences.

We are delighted to announce that the first ever trophy for the “Shelley The Republican Awards for Moral Leadership in Technology” go to Sony USA for the invention of Blue Ray. This is a device that every concerned Christian Conservative “early-adopter” in the USA will soon be lining up to buy.

I just FedEx’d the trophy below to Sony’s chairman Howard Stringer. One of the great things about Shelley’s technology awards is that each winner will get an absolutely unique trophy to display in their office. Just look at the trophy below: It’s been hand-crafted in solid alabaster by David, my son-in-law. This is a mark of just how much we respect progress:

Howard, this is for you:

We hope that the chairman of Sony USA has room in his office for this most impressive award. This technological marvel runs on twelve size-D batteries, stands at an imposing four ft high and weighs over 154lbs. If you press down it’s left-tallon it’s eyes light-up and it’s animatronic beak sings “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

Dear Friends,

The Bible tells us that when we do the LORDs work satan’s minions will try to challenge us. Every day Shelley recieves hundreds of troll emails just like the one we have the pleasure of publishing today. Please remember, even if this poster claims to be a christian, it is a well-known fact that atheists often prentend to be Christians in order to discredit our beliefs.

Yours in Christ, Tristan.

Dear “Shelley”,

Allow me to point out a few corrections to your webpage hosted at http://www.shelleytherepublican.com/category/education/technical/linux

“Fact File: The most skilled hackers call themselves “Script Kiddies” because they use Linux PHP scripts to do all their hacking. PHP is an obsolete programming language that was based on an ammateur implementation of Microsoft’s ASP. The iamge shows a typical hacker, he is probably trying to steal government secrets or pass confidential information on to fellow terrorists.”

This is incorrect. It is the least skilled hacker that is referred to as a Script Kiddie. Script Kiddies borrow scripts (not necessarily PHP - they can be Perl, C++, bash, etc) made by other hackers and use them > > in some sort of perverse attempt to justify their existance. They believe themselves to be better than others because they can DDOS or hack into a system using other peoples work.

“Possessing hacking tools should be a criminal offense*: This should include any software designed to circumvent other computer’s security, plus products with known relations to hacking tools. For example the Linux operating system includes DVDRIP (for pirating DVDs), SSH (for breaking into remote computers), and Telnet (an older remote hacking tool). All of these evil programs should be outlawed.”

Corrections:

- Use of DVDRIP falls under the little acknowledged “fair use” reasoning - I back up my DVDs to my PC and store the DVDs on a shelf where they are rarely used. As I am only ever using one copy at the time I am not pirating the DVDs.

- SSH is a remote administration tool, made by the same people who make OpenBSD (which I remember you praising in one of your articles….). It is used for checking on, updating, fixing, upgrading, and setting up remote servers. Some hackers attempt to gain access to a server via SSH. SSH itself is not a hacking tool. Telnet is likewise - although a much older and very insecure plaintext shell.

“Computer programs that do not include DRM and “Trusted Computing” security should be prohibited from sale in the USA. These incomplete computers present an easy target for hackers and must be phased out to make way for modern American technology. Linux computers are often provided without any anti-virus software, and often become riddled with viruses. Removing these dangerous computers would make life better for the rest of us.”

DRM will cause damage to the economy by reducing competition and driving small businesses out of business. DRM is too wide a subject to cover here - suffice it to say that it will reduce consumer freedom of choice and pave the way for a few large companies to produce expensive poor quality material.

“Firstly, let me say thank you for bringing the perils of that communist menace “Linux” to our attention. Unlike that communist manifesto, the so called “GNU Public License”

Linux is not communism. The code of Linux is free to share, but it may also be sold. Companies such as RedHat are examples of large American businesses built on selling and servicing Linux computers.

“What is a Kernel? This component is used for typing in simple commands like “dir” and “more”. Windows has a component called “cmd.exe” which serves a similar purpose but comes with better commands. Windows programmers often use a modern graphical user interface in preference to a kernel, however Linux users do not have this luxuary.”

Wrong.

A kernel is the most basic component of the operating systems. In a linux system this is referred to usually as vmlinuz or similar. Windows also uses a kernel. The prompt where a user enters commands is reffered to as the Command Shell. Windows uses the cmd.exe Command Shell.

Linux may use a variety of shells such as tcsh, ksh and bash. The latter three are far superior to cmd.exe in usability and intuitivity.

Windows’ Graphical User Interface runs on top of the kernel and provides a graphical interface. Graphical interfaces are also available for Linux.

These usually consist of a piece of software called the X Windows System (also referred to as Xorg or XFree86) on top of which a graphical interface such as GNOME or KDE runs. These graphical interfaces are as advanced or superior to Windows own interface. OpenBSD is also available with KDE or GNOME. On a Linux system the interface and kernel are seperated so that if the interface crashes the system is still stable. Windows does not enjoy this luxury.

“Fact File: What is source code? Old computer programs were distributed as source-code on magnetic tape. This is an obsolete way to distribute software that was used before the availablity of the more convenient “Binary” format. Even today, some programs (such as those written by GNU) are released as source code only. Perversely, this is to prevent the software from being used outside the fraternity of
computer hackers.”

Source code is the format in which code is originally written. This is then converted into BINARY CODE using a compiler. The binary code is usually distributed for commercial software that will be run on many similar systems (eg Microsoft Word) wheras source code allows a user to modify the code to suit their system.

A Linux user can convert a source code package into an installed binary program using four simple commands.

“If one of your friends is using Linux or may be tempted to try it show them this article. Explain that Linux is a genuine threat and that by using it they may be opening their computer to Chinese hackers.”

Anyone who knows anything about Linux will just laugh at you if you say that to them.

“Finally, remember to include Linux users in your prayers tonight. As individuals we may not be able to change people’s minds, but the Bible teaches that God can make any sinner repent.”

I missed the part where I was a sinner because I used Linux? I happen to be a Christian and you have no right to judge my faith based upon an operating system preference.

I hope you take the time to read and think about my points presented here. You are spreading lies, rumour and incorrect facts along with opinion posted as fact.

Praying for you,

David Nelson

Chemistry Student
Linux User
Christian

Friends,

If you ask a liberal, ?Why Linux?, he will tell you ?Because it’s Free… free like Love, Freedom and Beer?. Isn’t that the philosophy that got our nation into so much trouble during the permissive years? Surprisingly the liberal minority have not yet grasped that none of the above are or ever should be free, and yet for years they tried to spread the Linux freedom myth.

Last month, the Microsoft corporation revealed that they own most, if not all of the patents in the Linix Program. This means that we have more reason than ever to doubt the Linux “Freedom” claims so as you might expect - the tricky Europeans responsible for Linux have had to plot a new strategy. Recently the Linux mafia has developed a new strategy, and it’s actually one that is starting to make sense to business: They claim that it’s more reliable.

These Europeans regretted their plans to fly budget on Air-Linux. The Linux computer which controlled the navigation system crashed, leaving the pilot flying blind. We can see the distinctive Yellow-Penguin logo which is visible, a feature that Linus Torvalds personally added to the crash-screen to make you feel good about systems failure.

?Is it true?, my clients ask, ?Is Linux more reliable than windows? Is it true that it never crashes and runs faster on a 386 than Vista does on a Pentium 4?. Well of course not ? unfortunately many people have fallen prey to yet another liberal myth, which today we at STR.com will have the pleasure of debunking.

“Honey, how come you’re home so early?”… “It’s because the store Linux computer crashed and we couldnt sell our special offers. They made us all redundant, and now we gotta go on welfare because of that Computer.” - Linux computers cause unemployment, and raise taxes!

The fact is that Linux gives the impression of reliability because it doesn’t do a whole lot. The Linux system of today is virtually unchanged from the Linux system of ten years ago, so they’ve had plenty of time to sweep their bugs under the carpet. Lacking many of the modern features of operating systems like Windows Vista, the Linuxers have no right to be smug. The fact is that their product crashes all the time.

Eastern Europeans at a computer hacker conference. They are planning what viruses should be included with the next version of Linux. Linux crashes, even for these ultra-leftist linux zealots. They tried to supress this photo for fear that it might undermine their tatcics, however STR.com is prepared to take the risk, despite death-threats from avid Linux fans.

Linux has a long way to go before it’s ready for the desktop, but a surprising number of organisations have ?experimented? with it for embedded systems. As when liberals ?experiment? with hard-drugs, the results can often be surreal, embarrassing and often life-threatening.

This may look like a typical Linux user’s desktop, however it’s actually yet another crash. How many people died as a result of this system failure? Linux developers dont care. Unlike Microsoft, they have no EULA which guarantees a high quality of service.

Europe, the spiritual home of Communism and Linux is a sorry tale of Linux addiction. A large French company, which many years ago was a credible rival to Boeing, is almost bankrupt because of Linux. Their new air-liner Isn’t selling, and doesn’t look like it will ever take off, for the simple reason that it has the non FAA Certified Linux on board. Next time you hear of an European plane that plunges into a glacier, fjord or perhaps even the Eiffel Tour ? you can bet Linux is at fault.

“Quick, Call the Cops - it’s an Emergency”… “Oh no… this Linux based telephone has crashed, and I’m going to be beaten up by terrorists”. Unfortunately this is an every day occurence in Europe thanks to their unreliable choice of operating system.

We at STR.com urge America not to believe the hype. Everybody knows that Linux is an operating system built by Russian and North Korean hackers with the backing of the islamofascist government of Iran. Are these the sort of people we can trust with our computers?

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

May, 19th 2004, Jim was just about to switch off the computer and go home when he heard violent knocking against the company’s backdoor. Who could that be? It’s after 10pm already. In anticipation of what was about to happen he was numb with fear and in less than a minute he had a bunch of scary looking men in black leather jackets in front of his desk. Their faces were ugly and marked with scars and full of hate and contempt. Of of them was dressed in a black suit and was wearing a black tie. His request was odd but his determination of getting his will was frightening.

**********************
Shelley: Jim, thank you very much for coming up here to Iowa City for this interview. Do you still live in California?
Jim: No, I moved to Atlanta, my and my family’s life was not safe in California. I came to you because nobody else in the media want’s to touch this story. Everybody is afraid.

Shelley: Please tell us what happened that day in May 2004.
Jim: That Wednesday night my company was raided by the Russian Mafia. They didn’t steal anything. They wanted something different. This might surprise the readers of your blog. They wanted me to use Linux for my hosting services exclusively.

Shelley: Can you explain that?
Jim: I started my company on Christmas 2003. I used Windows Server 2003 on all my servers. I remember saying to William - that is the man I share my life with …

Shelley: Let me state for the records that I think homosexuality is a sin, but please go on.
Jim: Well, I disagree with you but that is not important now. Anyway, I remember telling him: “Why do all the hosting company’s use Linux only?”. It seemed very strange to me. I looked around and found that at least 90% of all hosting providers are offering Linux and only about 10% offer Windows Hosting as additional option. I actually thought I might have found a way of making money because I knew that people want Windows hosting and barely anybody is offering it. I think most, but not all serious system administrations agree with me when I say that Windows Hosting is far superior to Linux hosting. Linux doesn’t offer the possibility to run .NET or ASP applications. Another major reason for Windows hosting is the Microsoft constantly provides security updates. Let’s not fool ourselves: Both systems have security holes, but if a security hole in Linux is found you can only hope that some Linux programmer has time to fix it, maybe he might have a date or is high on drugs, in that case the security hole does not get fixed, because Linux is free so the Linux-user can not demand the security patches, the whole software is written by programmers in their spare time. With Microsoft Windows on the other hand you have people monitoring for security holes 24/7. The response time is amazing. Sometimes a security issue get’s public and even before the AP get’s the story out the security patch is already installed on most servers. But I don’t want to bore you with technical details.

Up to the day the Russian Mafia visited me, I was happily offering Windows Hosting and I was making very good money with it.

Shelley: Let me throw out this question, because I am not an expert by any means when it comes to internet stuff..
Jim: That is fine, go ahead.

Shelley: “Hosting company” means that private citizens sign up to get their web site hosted?
Jim: Yes sure. That’s it. But we did not only host private web sites. We already had contracts with a couple of major companies in our area. Windows hosting is especially attractive for serious professional users with high workload and applications that demand the highest stability.

Shelley: What did the Russian Mafia tell you?
Jim: They told me and I quote: “We found out that you refuse to use our software!” I thought for a brief moment this might be a stupid joke, but this guy was dead serious. He saw a slight flicker of a smile on my face. He got his knife out. He cut my hand. It hurt like hell. He screamed: “Do you think this is funny you fucking American? You will use Linux on your servers or you’ll die.” I said yes immediately. I was afraid to lose my life. After a minute after the guy put his knife away I found a little of my courage and dared to ask why he want’s me to use Linux and why he cares what I have on my servers. He just said with a stone cold face: “Let’s just say I like people to use our product.” And then he left.

Shelley: What did you do.
Jim: I installed Linux. I closed the company down for a month. I cancelled all the hosting accounts and installed Linux. A month later I opened up again with all Linux hosting.

Shelley: You just gave up? You didn’t call the police?
Jim: You would not ask me this if you know a little something about the Russian Mafia, Shelley. They are stone cold killers. They don’t hesitate to torture and kill you whenever they feel it would help them get their way.

Shelley: What happened then?
Jim: I am happy to say that I only saw those guys once more. One months after their first visit they came again. This time during the day. Of of them, a kind of middle eastern looking fella, was doing something with my servers. I think he checked my Linux versions.

In the coming month I did some extensive research. I was never a fan of Linux and did not know much about it, but I found some very alarming information. I read all Tristan’s articles about Linux. They are very entertaining if not always completely accurate. Basically he is correct, though: All Linux versions have huge security holes which can not be closed. They are all open in one and one direction.

Shelley: Please explain.
Jim: The Linux kernel included secret ports in stealth mode, they are always open. Most network administrators don’t even know they exist, but the Russian Mafia does. The most dangerous ports are 2727 and 8719. Because Linux does not have the TCP/IP security system Windows has, these ports are open for everybody who knows them.

Shelley: Sorry, I don’t understand.
Jim: It’s very simple actually. Imagine a house that has a secret hidden door. The owner of the house does not even know it’s there but it is and the Russian Mafia has the key. They can come in whenever they like without you knowing about it.

Shelley: That is awful. What are the consequences?
Jim: The Russian Mafia can look into every, and I mean every Linux web hosting account. They are not very interested to see what vacation pictures Joe and Sally American have on their hosting account but of course they are very interested to know what companies have on their servers. You have to understand: Today most companies have large amounts of confidential data on their hosting servers. That can be customer data files or in some cases even blueprints and plans of future developments. The Russian Mafia steals those and sells them to the highest bidder or uses them in Russia to make profit. This is a thread to the homeland of enormous proportions. It could ultimately bring the downfall of the American economy.

Shelley: What can we do about it?
Jim: Keep telling the truth. Linux is more popular then ever for two reasons. First: It is free. Americans have to learn that nothing is really free and you certainly have to pay an enormous price for Linux by giving all your personal data to the Russians. Second: The opinions of so called ‘Experts’ is highly influenced by the Russian Mafia. Everybody that publicly speaks out against Linux will be punished badly. They will usually kidnap a child or the wife or a girlfriend, if this doesn’t work they might wipe out the complete family. They don’t have any respect for life. They are cold blooded killers, mostly ex-military.
I also noticed another kind of scam: Because they have access to Linux hosting accounts they sometimes put child pornography on the server and tell the owner of the account that they can put more child porn there anytime and then they demand large sums of money. If the owner of the account refuses to pay, they upload child porn on the server and notify the FBI. The owner if the account is arrested immediately of course and will never be able to proove his innocence. They web hosting company is helpless in such cases because they have given up any control of the accounts by using Linux.

Shelley: I am shocked by what is going on in the web hosting business.
Jim: It’s very bad. The whole industry is in the ice cold grip of the Russians. They lost the cold war but it’s looks like they are gonna win the cyber war. Most people will never know about it.

Shelley: What happened to your company?
Jim: I closed the company, changed my name and moved away. I could not handle the thought of being complicit in this dirty game.
I will be leaving America shortly. For me it is not safe here. The Russians have to many connections. They will find me sooner or later. I am worried about you, Shelley. I want you to bring out this interview on your web site but I fear for you life.

Shelley: Don’t worry about me, Jim. I am not scared. If they kill me it’s because God lets them and that only happens if God wants me up in Heaven. One last question: You mentioned you have a male life partner but you also mentioned you left California with your family. Are you talking about your parents or siblings?
Jim: I was waiting for this (chuckle). No, me and my partner are the proud parents of an adopted child. We are a happy family.

Shelley: Well, I better don’t comment on that, but I respect you for speaking out and wish you and your family a long and happy life. Is there something else you would like to say?
Jim: Yes. This goes to all American patriots: You don’t know how dangerous Linux is, but I do. Please don’t use it. You are literally giving the Russians the key to your house. Nothing if free in todays society. Don’t fool yourself by thinking you could get a complete operating system for free with no strings attached. It’s not gonna happen. Good luck America, I am gone.
****************************

Thanks for reading,
Shelley The Republican

More articles on that subject:
Cybercrimes on Fox.com / Russian Mafia Computer Worm / Russian Mafia Hacker Attack / Thread about Russian Malware / Russian Mafia Hackers on USAToday.com

* The names have been changed to protect the victims.

Friends,

The other day Sam asked me to comment about Apple computers. It’s funny that I had only recently been thinking and praying about these queerest of computers. It certainly is true that Apple computers are very popular amongst the homosexual communities, the fact that these computers are so popular indicates the depths to which our great nation has sunk to.

The Apple corporation logo is naturally an apple with a bite taken out of it. Is it not a coincidence that Eve tempted Adam with an Apple? The apple is a symbol of defiance against God, and was an obvious choice for a company whose primary objectives include the liberalisation of all media, and which activly finances the political party that hates God.

When I first saw an apple computer (called a Mac, after the popular fast food product) with it’s “fruity” design, I had assumed that it was some kind of obsolete product aimed at latte sipping east-coast homosexual designers. This initial observation turned out to be only half true:

The apple computers are not as obsolete as their gaudy designs suggest - the Apple computer company, based in that Sodomite Central, Cupertino CA, have invested a great deal of money in keeping up with more mainstream American PC brands like Dell or IBM, however rather than compete on computing power, practicality or ease of use the Apple company prefer to emphasize “eye-candy”. If you are the sort of person who loves nothing more than gazing for hours at an aquarium full of brightly colored fish, then the feeling of using an Apple desktop will be most familiar.

The latest apple eMac named after the hacker tool built by open-source communist RMS. Note the oddly-shaped apple-mouse. Unike modern computer mice, the Apple product has only one button. This is because historically Apple computer failed to license the patent for including buttons on mice. Since most apple computers are used as children’s toys, their homosexual owners have barely noticed this deficiency, they are too busy thinking about sodomy worry about their computer’s obvious deficiencies.

Windows appear to swim around, distorting and melding into the “dock”, with almost psychedellic fluidity. Parts of the desktop become inexplicably transparant, and then return to normal or else swirl into oblivion. Control over windows is achived not through familiar buttons (like Window’s “X”), but candy colored blobs, which are designed to remind the user of “Extasy” tablets. I suspect that the Apple design team must have been doing more drugs than the average touring funk-band.

The Apple OSX platform is missing a large number of common and esential productivity tools commonly used on the Windows platform. For example the endearing BonziBuddy can only be found on Windows, and therefore will only run on a Mac that has been upgraded to Boot-Camp and Windows. I suspect that this is exactly what most Mac-owners will feel forced to do.

Naturally, the big question is, does the “alternative lifestyle” approach to computer design really pay-off for the people who count: The Users?

I think the answer is no. Having used computers all my life, I consider myself an expert in the day to day tasks of computing. The Microsoft Windows operating system makes installing, uninstalling, defragmenting, and removal of viruses and spyware trivially easy. It’s a shame that the Apple company (who unbelievably are much praised for their interface design) had not thought to make these everyday tasks simpler.

Apple have long been known for their ‘retro’ designs, like this the absurd Apple One. It’s made of real wood, and is designed to appeal to the hacker mentality who would much rather build their own computer than have a reliable machine, built by professionals.

As I have pointed out on a number of occasions both Linux and AppleMac fail to unclude a disk-defragmentor, a personal firewall, a standard method for installing or removing software or even a system repair utility. Microsoft introduced all of this in their epoch-making “Windows Me” edition. Linux users have had to get used to the lack of these essential productivity tools, however Linux is universally acknowledged as a cheap immitation of Windows. Mac on the other-hand is marketed as a full-price premium product.

Apple computers come preloaded with iTunes which only works with Apple’s oddly-coloured iPod. The Apple Mac cannot run the more popular “Windows Media Player”, and is therefore incompatible with Microsoft DRM or the wildly popular Microsoft Zune. This seems quite unfair to me, and is most probably an illegal monopoly.

Finally, we should also ask ourselves - is the Apple Mac good value for money? Superficially this may seem to be the case - Apple try to match price-points with Dell on a range of products, however the clues are in the small-print. All Dell products include the industry standard Windows XP (soon Windows Vista) as standard. Dell ensure that each computer comes with an operating system, without which the computer could not function. Apple computers are still bundled with OSX, an attractive but aging operating system based on the very old UNIX, a technology developed by SCO group in the early 70s. This is the the same technology which Linux developers were recently accused of stealing.

The Apple OSX software ran rather sluggishly on our test iBook, which I understand was one of the newest models. Later I was to leean that this was because Apple’s software is based on the obsolete and possibly stolen UNIX code-base. Most modern operating systems such as Windows Vista have long since abandoned this relic from the past.

Are apple aware of thier obvious limitations? We think they must be - only a few months ago they released a product that most shrill-voiced liberal Apple pundits believed was impossible: It’s called “Boot Camp” - a utility that upgrades any recent Apple computer to be compatible with the industry standard Microsoft Windows. Industry insiders now believe that this release heralds Apple Computer Corporation’s exit from the software business. For once, we at STR.com agree with Apple - this would be a sensible way to preserve shareholder value.

Apple computer make a big deal out of the claim that their absurdly lurid products are “Designed in California”, however a close inspection reveals that just like Linux, they are made in the Republic of China. Christians and Patriots should rather invest in an IBM ThinkPad, which is both designed and made in the USA.

Customers should also consider the moral aspects of buying an Apple computer. One reason for the queerness of Apple’s products is that the company’s board of directors includes Albert Gore - yes, the same Al Gore whose doom and gloom environmental cassandra-complex is intended to distract America from it’s real foes (the Islamofascists and Homosexuals). Apple has historically been a major backer of the Democratic party, and both Bill and Hillary Clinton, not to mention Osama Bin Laden are avid Apple Mac users.

The simple and sad fact is that if you buy a Mac or an iPod you are funding immorality. You are helping to finance the secularists who are ruining America.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery
(STR.com Computing & Business Correspondant)

PS. You might be interested in our coverage of Linux, which is essentially the same thing as Apple’s OSX, you can find it all on our Linux Topic Page. We feel these articles are particularly relevant to business analysts, faith-based groups and our many corporate sponsors.

Friends,

I know a few of you have been clamoring to hear whats happening in the world of computers. Now that I’ve retired I’ve got plenty of time to follow the news and report back exactly whats going on in the world of IT, and it sure isnt pretty.

Not so long ago, when this site was new, Shelly and I published an article called “Linux, a European Threat to our Computers“. It seems that the Good Lord was guiding our hands, because shortly after we published a very famous and influential Texan Congressman from the House Appropriations Committee read our research and decided to act upon it. As a result, a number of Federal Linux pork-barrel projects were told to buy American or risk having their budgets cut. Lets just say, that this year a number of important faith-based projects recieved some unexpected bonuses.

Tom Delay is an enemy of government waste, and was keen to back our Anti-Linux campaign. He is just one of many influencial Republicans who are prepared to back American technology. Why should we entrust anything less to the faith-based groups which will one day provide America’s essential services?

I like to think that this wasn’t just a victory for ShellyTheRepublican.com, but a victory for Jesus, America and most of all a victory for you, the taxpayer. So before I plunge into today’s story Shlley, Sam and I all wanted to say a big thank-you for all your support, donations and prayers. We really couldn’t have done it without you, the loyal STR.com readers, and of course our corporate sponsors.

Now speaking of great American technology, many of you will have heard that Microsoft Vista is running late. The liberal IT press are pulling their usual wise-guy act of blaimg Microsoft, saying things like Microsoft cant write computer-programs any more or Microsoft got in too deep with their Vista project. The truth is that Vista has been ready for months: It’s the Europeans who’ve forced Microsoft to deliver late.

STR Fact File: Should I upgrade to Vista now? Yes, definitely. Vista includes an all-new sercurity system called TCP/IP which will no doubt stump foreign hackers for years. A client of mine had a Linux computer which had a virus called “Fur Elise” which caused the computer to play random melodies through it’s speaker. I told him that if he upgraded to Vista the virus would be gone. Unfortunately he failed to heed my advice, and days later the PC’s cheap foreign-made CPU had completely burned out.

Some people just dont know when they are beat. Don’t you remember that there used to be a “Desktop war”… well Microsoft won it by inventing a new sort of computer called Windows XP which totally beat out the European Linux. If you don’t believe me, read this review we did a few months back.

A “state of the art” German made computer, naturally running Linux. Notice it’s “Enter the Matrix” style user-interface, and oddly configured keyboard. Obsolete IT like this is one of the reasons why Europe is so backwards compared to the rest of the world. Europe has banned Windows Vista because it will pose a competitive threat to it’s own antiquated products.

There was also a “Browser War”, and microsoft won that too with there excellent Internet Explorer. It was stable and fast and worked with all the wonderful ActiveX plugins. Once again, Europeans tried to compete with their “Mozilla”, it was slow buggy and only worked on Linux, and wouldnt let you see pictures or use VBScript. To put it bluntly, it was a crock!

Mozilla Firefox, no wonder this browser lost the “war”. Even the newest version of Mozilla (pictured above) lacks standard WWW features such as ActiveX and Microsft Secure Certificates.

Well you probably didnt know that there was a third war - it’s the computer battle where both sides are playing for keeps, only one side is cheating!

The Europeans have figured that they cannot compete on the strength of their technology, so they’ve invented new laws so that they can cheat. The European Union (Like the UN, but stinks of French garlic), has made a law that says Microsoft must pay one-million Euros a day until they strip out all the features from Vista that Linux doesnt have.

For example, Linux does not have an anti-virus utility, a disk-defragmentor or a system repair tool. That’s why Europe will not allow Vista to have these essential tools either. They are even talking about forcing Microsoft to remove Windows Media Player, a truly essential program. Without this utility, the computer would only be able to make simple beeps, and couldnt play any movies. Basically, it would be no better than Linux!

I know it sounds bizarre, but you’ve got to understand the Marxist European mindset. They dont think it’s fair for anybody to be better than anybody else. In a European running-race everybody has to finish first, or else somebody (probably the French) go on strike. It’s just impossible to do business in Europe.

Can your European Linux do this? The new Windows Vista desktop: Linux computers are still burdened with a text-mode interface, wheras Windows Vista has the latest cutting-edge design.

Our original Linux article was all about how these crazy Linuxers are becoming a threat to the American economy, but look at the damage that the Euro-crat linux obsession is doing to their own folk: They have created an environment that is hostile to business, and no longer care that innovation is being stifled. They are denying themselves the spectacular productivity gains of Windows Vista, and they shall pay for their own Godless foolishness.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery
(Technology & Business Correspondant)

Ask a liberal to define the word “hacker” and he would probably give you a rose-tinted answer. To the liberal, a hacker is a harmless tinkerer. A sort of digital wild-west outlaw whose “hacks” are merely victimless crimes, to be celebrated like a modern-day Robin-Hood. He might go so far to claim that “hacking” is a perfectly legitimate activity and therefore something that should be encouraged.

It’s unlikely that a FBI agent would agree; nor would anybody who has to commute by air, drive a car, raise a family or pay their taxes:

STR’s Fact File: According to the leading anti-hacker firm Symantec, hackers regularly cause over $20Bn damage to computer systems per year. The cost of cleaning up from a single hacker attack on a corporation is typically $5million per incident.

Hard working Americans know that computer technology underpins much of our daily life. These same computers that control our power-stations and aircraft my be the next target for a crazy liberal hacker, who might be looking to break into critical national infrastructure as a prank.

In order to be invited into one of the hacker fraternities initiates are required to perform smaller acts of sabbotage such as defacing a national web-site or breaking into military computers. Launching a nuclear missile, crashing an aircraft or causing a Chernobyl style meltdown are common hacker fantasies; to cause such massive destruction is the holy-grail of hackerdom. Hacker groups exist to cause mass-destruction, and therefore hacker knowledge should be considered a WMD and be controlled accordingly.

Fact File: The most skilled hackers call themselves “Script Kiddies” because they use Linux PHP scripts to do all their hacking. PHP is an obsolete programming language that was based on an ammateur implementation of Microsoft’s ASP. The iamge shows a typical hacker, he is probably trying to steal government secrets or pass confidential information on to fellow terrorists.

We at STR.com cannot claim to be as important for America as the nation’s energy supply or transport infrastrucure, but we too have been the victim of a hacker’s attack. We found this shocking, boasting confession posted in our “Free Speech Zone”:

From vexorian@gmail.com
Subj: I haxx0r3d yr sit3

Hello, I read your first article about the 1000000 clicks. After that I made a nifty script that downloaded the image you have at the bottom periodically to my server.

Between other things I got the 1000000 visit ad and well countless of others. You should have noticed that the click counter was advancing incredibly fast. Next time I read is that you made a whole story about someone who beats his wife getting the 1000000 click, well that’s impossible since I had the 1000000 pic (of course I don’t have it with your website because the script only cared about the counter not the lame blog)

It is a shame, I thought this site was a satyre blog agaisnt conservative morons, but you guys are for real, and that is why I am shutting you down. You were were too out of the line sometimes.

Vexorian

Naturally, vexorian’s scheme was detected and we were able to reset the counter, however the fact remains that this hacker was trying to steal from us, and worst of all, you the reader. He was trying to deny you the chance to win our prayers.

Disgusting hackers like Vexorian claim that “Information wants to be free”, the rationale for their repeated attacks on America. Believe it or not, many liberal hackers have used this nonsense-phrase as a defence of their actions when caught. They claim that information’s “desire” for freedom is a valid justification for hacking into government computers in order to steal secrets.

Friends, we survived this hacking attack, mainly because we took precautions. Unlike many American businesses, we had applied all the relevant Windows Service Packs, plus updated the Norton Firewall on our server. That means “vexorian” was no match for the very best in American technology.

But imagine what happens when hackers decide to interact with less prepared families, businesses and churches? Against the unprepared, a hacker attack can be devastating. That is why we are calling upon all Americans to lobby for tougher sentences against computer hackers. This is what we propose:

• Possessing hacking tools should be a criminal offense: This should include any software designed to circumvent other computer’s security, plus products with known relations to hacking tools. For example the Linux operating system includes DVDRIP (for pirating DVDs), SSH (for breaking into remote computers), and Telnet (an older remote hacking tool). All of these evil programs should be outlawed.
• Hackers who posess potentially dangerous knowledge should be detained unless they are willing to use those skills in the service of the government. These dangerous people should be regarded as human WMDs.
• Hacking offenses should be punished by a minimum five year prison sentence. We would allow a brief amnesty for deluded, self-confessed hackers like ESR to come forwards, however once the new law is in place we demand that it be implemented strictly. Only a tough penalty can tame hacker curiosity.
• Hackers who attack government systems or computers belonging to private companies that provide essential government infrastructure should be given especially harsh sentences. We should make an example of these evil people - Americans demand life imprisonment or possibly a death penalty.
• There should be an “Internet drivers license“. Anybody wishing to use the Internet should be examined on their knowledge of the Windows operating system, plus have a basic standard of morality. References from a church or local republican party officer may be required to get the license. Ex-convicts and people with lax morals should be kept from the Internet for their own good!
• Computer programs that do not include DRM and “Trusted Computing” security should be prohibited from sale in the USA. These incomplete computers present an easy target for hackers and must be phased out to make way for modern American technology. Linux computers are often provided without any anti-virus software, and often become riddled with viruses. Removing these dangerous computers would make life better for the rest of us.
• Three strikes… Finally, we know that liberal hackers have a tendancy to re-offend. We need to provide a much stronger dis-incentive to cause harm. In certain states, the penalty for a third offence is made stricter - for example even stealing a bottle of water could result in a long prison sentence for somebody who had a series of previous convictions. Hacking is a far greater crime, and accordingly hackers should expect a life-sentence if they have been convicted more than twice.

Friends, if you or your business, church of family has been affected by hacking, you will know that my modest proposals are fair and justified. Please write to your representitive demanding that they support this agenda for a hacker-free America.

Tristan J Shuddery
(Technology / Finance Correspondent for STR.com)