STR † THE FREEDOM BLOG

Hey, former-PFC Michael Rob here with another dispatch from the s**t-hole we call Iraq. It’s true what they say on Fox – we are winning the war against the terrorists and I’m proud to be part of America’s most elite fighting force: Blackwater. today Shelley asked me to tell you about America’s ultimate weapon for urban pacification: The Blackwater Grizzly.

At Blackwater U they teach you that urban pacification is impossible without respect, and let me tell you that nothing gets more respect than the Girzzly thundering down a bombed out street.

Awesome isnt she? This little baby can do 65 MPH on the open road and weighing in at a cool 30,000 lbs she dont take no sh*t from nobody. She can take a direct hit from an IED and still keep on trucking’ as well as repel .50 caliber rounds with barely a scratch. Me and my buds can return fire and sip brewskis safe in the air-conditioned cabin – life doesn’t get any sweeter than this!

This isn’t your granddaddy’s APC. She can turn on a dime, but she’s got the thick armor plating that lets us smash down buildings which may be providing shelter to enemy combatants. The suspension is great – the other day I ran down a terrorist on a bicycle… didn’t even feel a freaking thing.

But enough about the handling – I know what you are asking: How are the weapons? Freaking awesome:

You see that sttuff on top of the ‘Grizz’ - that’s not just to look purdy - thats our ultimate weapon against towelhead-sand niggers who disrespect the stars and stripes. This Grizzly’s got claws!

Let me tell you, there’s no better weapons-platform for killing terrorists than the Grizzly. My favorite trick is sneaking around the city at night – totally dark and quiet. When we pick up some terrorists on the IR we power up the 400,000 candle power searchlights and frighten the freak out of the towel-heads. And the best thing is that if they look suspicious we blast them with the Grizzly’s remote-control 12.7mm machine-gun on the roof. It’s like playing a video game, only you don’t win points:

You score Justice for Jesus.

I know all this technology isn’t everybody’s thing, and sometimes urban pacification requires a personal touch:

Simply pop the window and ride through the streets of Baghdad like a freaking King. And if the terrorists give you sass, nothing teaches those bastards to love America more than firing a few rounds from your H&K.

The best part of this is that the Grizzly is coming to the USA soon. Blackwater are applying for a license to operate this peace-platform back home. Just think of how much domestic terrorism we could kill with a bunch of these patrolling every town and city. Imagine how safe people would feel if you knew that Blackwater’s trained operatives were protecting your town from crime and voter-fraud with the Grizzly – it sure makes me feel good to know how much justice I’m bringing to the world.

Michael Rob