From time to time we like to feature the very best of your emails. Today’s email came from a true patriot with a great sense of humor. It’s a great, practical tip that will no doubt be of great help to our readers who live in border states.

———- Forwarded message ———-

From: REDACTED@aol.com >
Date: Nov 17, 2007 9:21 PM
Subject: Emergency Room
To: jimmy@shelleytherepublican.com

The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the Internet onto the front of my shirt.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick! After all.

Here’s the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you’re in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat..

In a recent speech, the Democratic presumptive nominee criticized Americans who only speak English – he called us all an “Embarrassment”.

If elected, would Obama make French the official language of America? Would he force all shops to print their signs in Spainish? Would your kids become 2nd class citizens because they are English speaking white-Christians? Why does Obama never answer these questions?

Obama thinks our kids should become “Bilingual”, that means he wants our kids exposed to corrupt foreign cultures like the evil war-warmongering Germans and the cheese-eating traitors the French. Would you want your son coming home smelling of garlic and roasted snails, and boasting about his new European boyfriend? When Obama says “Bilingual”, what he really means is “Homosexual”.

John McCain and George W. Bush speak only English. Have you ever heard either of these great men utter a single word in a foreign language, heck no! That’s because they are proud of their language: It was good enough for the founding fathers and the King James Bible.

Hussein Obama has spent much of his life cavorting with morally suspect foreigners - George and John are proud to be 100% American. They understand that we do not need foreign ideas, just good old American know-how!

STR Fact File: John Kerry lost the presidential election, in part because the American people saw that he was too French. Like all liberal elitists Obama is certain to make the same mistake as his predecessor in failure John Kerry.

Our founding fathers came to America to escape these so-called “European Values”. Did you know that the French have no word for Liberty? The American concept of Freedom is totally alien to these people, so why is it that we should learn their language?

What do they have to offer us? Wouldnt it be more sensible for them to learn our language, so that they can benefit from our great movies and food and enlightened Christian culture?

Yours in Christ,

Jimmy Goddard

It also turns out that America’s Hope Foundation got “outed” by Larry Sinclair as a front for the Obama campaign to make Larry look like a stupid retarded moron dummy loser.  That ain’t never gonna happen, though.

God is Love!
BBN

We apologize for the current slowdown in issuing new articles on STR - THE FREEDOM BLOG. We are currently engaging in the business of the future: Children.

The complete STR writer and advisory team is currently establishing a Christian summer camp for young patriots in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The work is almost completed and we will be open for business for the summer season 2009 and we will be back working on the latest conservative commentary on your favorite blog, THE FREEDOM BLOG.

All the best, lots of Godly joy from all of us,
Shelley N. Goodman

I’ve been a little quite since the 4th - the truth is something big happened to me that night that at first I didn’t want to share with you. The truth I hate to admit is that I was scared.

It took me a while to open up - at first I mentioned it at our weekly prayer circle Shelley convinced me to write something about it. It’s really hard to talk about because and I know some of you will think I’m crazy… but heck I know that I’m just doing what Jesus wants.

That Friday, I was saying my prayers just before I went to sleep, when I suddenly felt a feeling of elation, as if I had been touched by an Angel - across the room I could see a figure materializing in the dusk: An old man, weary from a life of struggle. As I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, the form infront of me took shape, it was a ghost, but of whom? Suddenly the phantom begant to speak and I at once recognized the voice of a godly man, steeped in wisdom and the kindness of Jesus Christ:

It was the ghost of Jesse Helmes!

Jesse Helms, one of the greatest patriots ever. He fought against sin, he dared speak out against homosexuality, abortion, atheism and other such issues of critical importance to all sensible Americans. He will be greatly missed by every conservative.

“Friend”, spoke the phantom, “I gave my life in the service of Christ, and I have been sent by the LORD to deliver one last message. Soon I will be in heaven sitting along with Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater and Jerry Falwell at the feet of Jesus Christ, but my work here is not complete, you and your readers must complete what I started.”

“What must I do”, I asked - “What is God’s will?” - I nervously added.

“God wants you to do exactly what he wanted me to do”, spoke the old ghost, “God wants you to stamp out liberalism, expose Barack Hussein Obama and avenge the people who criticize Larry Sinclair and above all get John McCain elected as the 44th President of the USA so that he can continue George W. Bush’s sensible policies”

“I can do that… I swear!”, I said, but the ghost looked deep into my soul with his stern, yet loving eyes:

“That’s not all Jimmy. Jesus has given me a warning for you to pass on to the world: The end times are approaching and God’s people - the white folk will come under attack. You will be attacked by negroes and the forces of political correctness. You will be attacked by the homosexuals who will destroy our institution of marriage. You will be attacked by abortionists who will kill your children. You will be attacked by liberals who will try to infect you with their moral relativism - but you must stay strong. You must resist. You must fight”

“How, how must I fight these forces of evil?”, I implored.

“Simple - you must give everything you own, and every waking minute of the day to secure a victory for the Republican party, God’s party to guarantee that America is once again safe for people like you who love Freedom.”, replied the ghost.

And with that, the spirit ascended - I could almost swear that I saw shimmering wings carrying the spirit of Jesse Helms aloft, into the loving embrace of Jesus Christ.

All my life I have known that my simple faith in Christ would be rewarded, but with all modesty, I am surprised that God has chosen me, and my fellow writers at Shelley The Republican.com to be the vessels of all our salvation. This humble Christian will submit to God’s request.

Yours in Christ,

Jimmy Goddard

I just wanna warn you that I’ve seen some fake Conservatives around here getting all PC when you talk about reparations.  Look out for ‘em!

McDonald’s is being taken over by homos, according to Donald Wildmon and that’s gotta stop!  Is is gonna take condoms in Happy Meals for y’all to wake up!

Also, the America’s Hope Foundation ad featuring Larry Sinclair started and it’s a doosy!  There ain’t no way the Lame Scream ME-dia is gonna be able to ignore his very credible story!  And shame on Greta Van Sustern for not giving this the coverage it deserves!  Thank to Citizen Wells for pointing it out!

God is Love!

Glenn Beck:“We’re going to shoot them all in the head. If we think that they are against us, we’re going to shoot them and kill them, period. Because that’s the only thing we’ve got going for us is we can put them away and get information. If we can’t put them away and they’re going to use our court system, kill them.”

Now you’re probably saying Glenn is talking about hitting hard at terrorists and evil and that we should “shoot them all in the head” and “kill them” is a good thing. The fact is it’s not what Glenn Beck said, it’s what he didn’t say: he didn’t say “and we need to shoot them in the head if they aren’t on US soil”. Nor did he say “even if they are on US soil and the Supreme Court doesn’t like it, whatever the Leader says is what we must do so we need to shoot them in the head”. Glenn didn’t say we need to invade Iran immediately shooting everyone in the head, he didn’t say everyone in the 9/11 Troofer brigade needs to be sent to a FEMA camp for indefinite detention and be shot in the head, he didn’t say nuke the North Koreans or the Cayman Islands or anyone else we feel like followed by shooting them in the head, he didn’t say all those things we really need to get America back on it’s feet. He simply hasn’t gone far enough in our view of shooting people in the head, or the opinion of Christian Republicans across the US-of-A. Glenn Beck is clearly losing his edge.

Glen ‘Hippy Homo’ Beck: When a man becomes this much of a sniveling lefty nutjob, there are no words left to describe him. Glenn Beck has lost all respect from his God-fearing Christian Republican viewers.

While STR would never advocate violence of any kind for any reason, Jesus himself would shoot in the head hippy terrorists dead if given the chance. People want to eat steak but not see any blood. People want to bring peace to the middle-east but don’t want to do all the necessary head shooting, torturing and and killing of araboushim men, women, cows, 911 Troofers, taco-jockeys, union reps, independent media, women’s groups and whatever else gets in the way of the mighty American War Machine of Freedom. Admittedly Mr. Beck does have one thing right: executing terrorists, mexicans and 9/11 troofers without any kind of representation in court might be a step in the right direction, especially if it involves shooting them in the head, but remember it is only just one step, and we need to march this thing for a few more miles before there is total control for our Glorious Leader and the Thousand-Year Republic we all are praying for.

At STR we have one thing to say Mr. Beck: your Lie-beral dumbo-crat homosexual left-wing crazy wingnut views have no home in our Christian Republican America! So you can go back to your job as Pride Queen at the San Francisco parade. Good riddance, Glenn Beck! The Christian Republican right-wing doesn’t need anymore commies like you in our midst!

Always Right

Charles

I’m a little bit under the weather and I ain’t gonna be able to make it in to do Billy Bob Neck’s Hour of Bein’ Good this week.  So instead, I’m gonna do it from home on www.blogtalkradio.com.  So come on by to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/BillyBobNeck at 11am on Monday 7/7/08.  Y’all can give a call there, too!  (347) 327-9411.

I hope to see y’all there and if not, well, God gave you free will to burn in Hell.

We need oil - that’s the plain truth.

God has given America a great deal of oil. It’s all in Alaska. It’s waiting for brave patriotic Americans to drill it up and sell it on the open-market, just like Jesus intended. Unfortunately the liberals and eco-fraudsters want all that oil to stay underground. They don’t want you to have gas for your car.

They think that we shouldn’t drill for oil because Alaska is a “wildlife-reserve”.

Next time a liberal tells you that we shouldn’t be drilling for oil, you should ask them: What’s the point of having a wildlife reserve if nobody can afford to go there? Are our tax-dollars just going to fund a patch of useless ground full of plants and animals that nobody gets to see or hunt? What would be the point in that? STR.com says it’s time to get drilling so that we can enjoy off-roading!

Those folks who think we shouldnt drill for oil in ANWR are a bunch of city-dwelling idiots. What’s the point of all this open country if we cannot drive around our awesome jeeps? This vehicle gets 15 miles to the galon, high gas prices are simply unfair to those of us who love to kick up awesome snow.

Soon it’s going to be impossible for most folks to be able to afford this great form of entertainment, and then nobody would be able to drive around ANWR - and what would be the point in that?

Preserve our heratige: Vote John McCain for President so that we can preserve the sporting activity that made America great: Off-Roading!

God Bless America!